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Author Topic: 1 year ago....  (Read 1693 times)

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Offline Sharon

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1 year ago....
« on: June 23, 2004, 09:52:05 PM »
Hi everyone,

Well, today it has been exactly one year since the revision of my TTT. I'm having a hard time dealing with it because before the surgery my OS told me that in one year I'd be back to normal and able to do whatever I wanted. Well, that year has gone by and I'm worse off now than I was when I had the surgery. I keep thinking about what might have been if I hadn't decided to have the surgery. I mean, there's nothing that I can do to change what happened but I really do wonder what might have been. I just wish that there was some magic cure that could fix my knee because I'm just really tired of being this way. I'm only 24 and I feel like I'm about 84! There are so many things that I want to do and I can't because of this. Some are really silly things, like being able to find a pair of shoes without worrying about how high the heel is or being able to enjoy a night out with my friends without worrying about where we're going to go and whether or not there will be a place for me to sit. I can't even take my dog for a walk anymore, let alone even take a walk by myself.

I wish I could express these feelings to others, not just here but I feel like nobody else truly understands how this feels. I mentioned today in PT that it has been exactly 1 year since the surgery and I think my PT's kind of got a sense that I might be upset by that but I tried not to let on because for some silly reason I always play the happy, cheerful person there and never let on when I'm feeling discouraged or down about all of this. I've always been that way.

I'm actually thinking about going back to the OS who did the surgery who I saw last in April. He told me to come back in 4 months if it wasn't better and it's been 3 so I figure that's long enough. I just am really unsure of whether I should or not. I know what's wrong with my knee. It's infrapatellar contracture/patella baja which was diagnosed when I saw Dr. Fulkerson last month. There's not much that can be done for it but in my mind I just think I want to know what my old OS has to say. I kind of blame him for this because he did the surgery and when he removed my screws in October, he's the one who refused to do a scope to remove scar tissue when I told him I really wanted him to because I had a feeling that was part of my problem in gaining ROM.  I feel like I need some kind of closure with him, an explanation of why the surgery didn't work when he was so sure it was going to. I know that no surgery is ever 100% and of course there's always a chance of failure but I just want a reason as to why it may have turned out this way. I also understand that he may not  have a solid answer for me but I at least want him to admit that it didn't work and that something is still wrong with my knee which he has yet to tell me. I know that Dr. Fulkerson is one of the best and he was incredible but I still have this little bit of hope that my OS who did the surgery will know of someone who might be able to help me.

Anyway, I guess this has gotten long enough. I just needed to vent a little because today is a hard day for me. So thanks for reading this even though I know it's long and thanks for understanding because I know all of you here truly do.

(((Hugs)))
Sharon
Left knee:
LR-5/99 & 9/01
Distal realignment and LR 7/02
TTT revision 6/03
screw removal/MUA 10/03
d/x with severe patella baja
7/05 patellar tendon replacement w/piece of quad tendon
4/07 OATS

Offline Leentje

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Re: 1 year ago....
« Reply #1 on: June 23, 2004, 11:37:05 PM »
(((((Sharon)))))

I wish you felt better!!! Wish you couls celebrate this anniversary! But I understand you're sad and frustrated! Please come here if you need support!

I feel so ashamed sometimes, it's weird... I had 1 TTT and my knee feels so good! A little pain from time to time but most TTTers aren't even able to run :-X

wish I could help you and send you over my lovely OS who helped me out! But I can't :'( I hope you find a fantastic OS real soon! In the mean time stay positive and keep the faith!
~Helena :-*
Bilat patellar malalignment/PFdysplasia
00/06/83 L wrist #
11/12/00 L knee LR + chondroplasty
21/08/02 L knee TTT
02/03/04 L knee stretched PCL
11/09/07 L ankle dislocation/medial avulsion #
25/05/09 L ankle medial avulsion # AGAIN!
05/06/13 R ankle dislocation

Offline californianative

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  • Lisa....a California Native
Re: 1 year ago....
« Reply #2 on: June 24, 2004, 12:19:28 AM »
Sharon,
I may be 20 years older than you, but I know how you feel, and obviously there are many of us who do. Being older does not mean you feel older. In my mind I can keep up with the younger people, but physically, my 74 year old mom can run circles around me! Sure, it sucks big time that we are stuck with what we have been delt, and sure, I would love to go back in time to the day I hurt myself, I know exactly how to avoid the accident that caused my injury that has lead to my current state, but nope, we can't go back. We have what we are given to deal with and deal with it we must. You will just have to go back to the OS, a year is plenty of time, and have them try again to fix the problem. We can't give up fighting for our lives back at 24 or 44, we all have a right to pain-free and functional lives. No matter what it takes. Keep your chin up and always know that there IS someone out there who can understand you! Good luck...Lisa
Lisa...a California Native
2003 Scope on RT knee, patella shaving
2004 Scope on RT knee, patella shaving, lateral release, meniscus repair, resurfacing of the bones.

Offline Holly

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Re: 1 year ago....
« Reply #3 on: June 24, 2004, 01:00:18 AM »
Dear Sharon:

Oh, honey, I know how sad and frustrated you must be feeling.  Somehow an "anniversary" like the ones we kneegeeks have, is never as festive as we would hope.  It's kind of a milestone day where we are reminded of where we were BEFORE and how far we may still be from where we would like to be AFTER.  I know it doesn't really help to say that you're still in the process of getting well - because I'm sure you feel you've exhausted all the possibilities and you're still suffering.  But don't give up.  

I do have one suggestion, though.  My OS is absolutely fantastic - and is regularly listed as one of the top 10 doctors in New York Magazine (even though he's here in New Jersey).  I know he is often called upon to correct other doctors' failed surgeries and has had tremendous success with that.  He's listed in the kneegeeks site here under "KNEE SURGEONS," but none of his information is shown in this site.  If you are interested in pursuing another opinion and getting another evaluation of your situation, here is his contact information:

Andrew S. Levy, MD, FAAOS
The Center for Advanced Sports Medicine
    Knee and Shoulder
Overlook Hospital - Suite 409
Medical Arts Center
33 Overlook Road
Summit, NJ  07902
Phone:  908.598.9199
Fax:  908.598.1040


He has truly done wonders for me where 4 other OSs and 5 previous surgeries had failed miserably.  I am now the proud owner of a STRAIGHT LEG and well on my way to what I believe will be a full recovery after 6 years of pain and deformity following being run over by a car.  I can't tell you how much his talent, skill, compassion and, on top of all that, great sense of humor has meant to me.  The day after my double osteotomy (tibia and femur) when I woke up and looked down at a properly aligned leg - even with all the aftermath of a major surgery it looked BEAUTIFUL to me - I cried and hugged him for what seemed like forever.  

Anyway, it's worth a try and you're not too far away (Long Island, right?).  If you want to send me a private message, feel free and I will be happy to answer any questions you may have and give you any information about me that you might find useful.

Either way, even if you don't want to see Dr. Levy, please know that I understand your feelings.  That's probably the greatest thing about this kneegeeks site...the people here are so special and really care!

Hugs, and good luck!

Holly
1998 run over by car;Rt knee lat menisc/med menisc tear, ACL/MCL tear, patella frx, tib frx, femur frx, 4 scopes repr menisc/repr lig/debride pat, open MCL rpr, dbl osteot3/04;MUA,lysis6/04;scope10/04