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Author Topic: Fear of failing surgery..  (Read 34 times)

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Offline derobertson

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Fear of failing surgery..
« on: August 12, 2019, 08:09:57 PM »
9 years ago, my knees started sublocating. 6 years ago, my left knee fully dislocated while I was in marching band practice. I turned around to go back to my previous spot, and boom, there it went. After that, I had CAT scans, x-rays, and a few other tests I don't exactly remember. They found out that I have inverted hips, twisted femurs (that cause my patella to rub against my other bone) and a bigger gap in my knee cap than normal. I didn't tear anything, surprisingly. In both legs. Now, I have dislocated my right knee at this point too, but it was with the force of a ladder and it went back in place. But, the hospital suggested the surgery I have was to cut both of my femurs in half, put a rod in them, and twist them back to normal. BUT, they didn't feel comfortable with doing the surgery, so they sent me a Shriners Hospital. It took months alone to get accepted, so I wore those knee braces for years. Finally, after over a year of appointments, they figured out what surgery to do. An MPFL reconstruction, using my hamstring. I was excited, I knew it was going to be rough, but I finally could do stuff without a knee brace. Well, once I had the surgery, everything hit the ground. I had a terrible experience. When I tried walking in my locking brace, my leg started having muscle spasms, so I was terrified to walk. It took months of physical therapy to get me back on my feet because I lost all muscle in my leg. I gained it back, I started working out, and two years later, I was finally cleared. I chose not to have a surgery on my second knee, because I haven't had a problem since the ladder dislocation.

Exactly a week after I was cleared, I was at work. It was closing time, and I went to the back to grab my water bottle, and when I turned around, my right knee went out. So, my parents were able to call the Shriners hospital, and because I am techincally too old to have been a patient there at this point. They took me in a month later, and said I would only be able to have, one, maybe two post visits. They did the same surgery, MPFL reconstruction, this time with a synthetic material. This made me question why they changed their procedure, but I assumed it was cause it is less painful for the patient instead of autografting a piece of muscle. I was determined to do better this surgery. They even prescribed me muscle relaxers right away to help. But nope, I hit the ground again. I tried everything I could do to prevent losing my muscle. Did the PT, tried walking. Nothing. Lost almost all my muscle. I was able to recover quicker this time, but I still had a big set back. I still workout, not nearly as much cause I'm a full time student and I worked full time last semester.

So, now I'm on my own. I have roommates, animals, a boyfriend. I bike to campus (2 mile bike ride), hike, run, ect. Well, I made the mistake of telling my mom I had knee pain. I've had knee pain since the surgery. Guess its just cause there's screws in my leg, I don't know. I've never worried about it. So she calls me and tells me the worst news possible. During my second surgery, my doctor came out and talked to my parents. Told them everything went well, but the first surgery I had with the autograft from my hamstring, a lot of his patents he has preformed it on, it has failed. My worst fear, told to me.

I keep running through my head, what if I dislocate my knee again. I'll have to have surgery again. I can't afford surgery, I didn't even expect to have another knee surgery again, unless it was total knee replacement when I was older. What if I dislocate my knee when I'm alone. Or it tears something. I'm afraid to even walk now. I'd rather die than have another surgery. I would never know if that surgery failed or not. I might be one of the lucky ones that it doesn't fail in, but I don't have good luck. I have been in tears since. I can't stop crying about it. I cried 3 times already today over it. 3 times yesterday over it. I feel like I can't do anything I enjoy anymore.

My worst fear came true. I don't understand how an autograft even works. How does one expect to remove a piece of healthy muscle, attach it, and not expect it to break down. There's nothing keeping it alive. I am living my life in fear now.

Offline Brandon123

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Re: Fear of failing surgery..
« Reply #1 on: August 16, 2019, 09:29:42 AM »
Hi derobertson,

Sorry to hear that you have gone through so much hassle and worry with your knees. If I can ask, what year did this second surgery take place, when the doctor came out and talked to your parents? Have you only felt pain since? No signs of dislocation?
RK sharp pain while running, diagnosis chondromalacia patellae 6/09
RK arthroscopic chondroplasty 9/09
RK rehab, recovery, 90% normal, started running again -> back to square one 5/15
RK diagnosis patellofemoral arthritis + LK diagnosis chondromalacia patellae 8/15 -> conservative treatment