I’ve just discovered this site and honestly, it’s been one of the biggest reliefs of my life. All I’m asking for is answers, and if anyone else out there has experienced the same, I just want to know that I’m not alone and that someone out there can help me.
Back in 2013 I experienced my first patellar dislocation. I’ve had troubles with my legs, hips and feet my entire life and do have loose limbs so this didn’t come as much of a shock. The dislocation stayed in the back of my mind and didn’t really affect me for about two years until mid to late 2015 when I started experiencing patellar subluxations where my patellar would kind of just pop out and quickly pop back in again. It’s one of the most uncomfortable and painful feelings I’ve ever experienced. I’ve gathered many bruises and scars over the years from where I’ve fallen in to things as a result. Injured and strapped ankles have become fairly regular due to me constantly falling on them. Granted, the occurrence of the subluxations is entirely my fault all because I’m lazy and didn’t keep up with exercises to maintain my muscles.
After the first subluxation, I began experiencing severe flashbacks from the initial dislocation almost daily. I spent (and still spend) hours at night lying in bed crying my eyes out because all I could see and feel were these awful, vivid flashbacks playing on repeat in my mind. This continued for about a year, with subluxations being almost a monthly occurrence. A simple quick turn, my foot getting caught, tripping over or any sudden movement with my legs was enough to cause these subluxations. This put me in a constant state of anxiety. Even now, I can’t leave the room without having my phone on me, in fear of dislocating my knee fully again and being unable to contact anyone, being left alone to suffer.
In mid 2016 I began to go back to the gym and see a physiotherapist again (I stopped soon after the initial dislocation). Once my muscles began to build, the subluxations declined, one happening every three or so months. In mid 2017 I experienced my last subluxation for what would be a year. I was still hyper vigilant as always, yet slowly, everything began to settle down. But of course, it wasn’t over just like that. In June of this year, I experienced another patellar subluxation. This caused me to once again spiral, the anxiety and stress all came flooding back, along with the vivid flashbacks and nightmares.
It’s gotten to the point where if anyone is to sneak up behind me or even accidentally knock me whilst standing, my legs will tense up almost immediately. Now, even seeing people touching their knees, sitting in weird ways or even playing certain sports gives me anxiety, I begin stressing, thinking that their patellar could dislocate at any moment. I’m generally fine with anything gross or medical, it doesn’t phase me. Yet now, as soon as anyone even mentions the word “dislocation” my body tenses up, my heart begins to race, my hands begin to shake and I begin hyperventilating. Finding my own space to be alone, curl up and cry isn’t such a rare occurrence for me anymore.
I haven’t spoken to a doctor about all of this, yet I feel I should. I’ve spoken to friends and family, many of which believe I may have some form small form of PTSD from the initial dislocation and even the subluxations.
I’m here because I’m unsure of what to do. Should I leave it and let it work itself out no matter how long it takes, or should I see a professional who could help me? If any of you can help or have been in similar situations, please, let me know how you went about coping with this. I’m terrified and simply looking for someone who knows how it feels.
