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Author Topic: Unemployed, can't work, single mom, anxiety!  (Read 5308 times)

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Offline dawng

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Unemployed, can't work, single mom, anxiety!
« on: October 15, 2012, 05:33:24 AM »
Hi all. It's almost 12:30 a.m. here in Ontario, Canada and as per usual I can not sleep. My circumstances prior to a TPF (Aug 7th) were very difficult and with this knee thing...it just gets harder and harder. I have such anxiety. I keep telling myself it is just a leg, and I didn't need surgery, and many of you have had it worse than me...but the reality is that I am a wreck lately and could really use some encouragement. I lost my job waaaaay back on March 5th. From then until August 7th, the anxiety increased daily as I was unable to find work. Then the knee gets wrecked. I am on one crutch now and am to go back to OS in 1 month and see if pain in medial part of knee is any better. My fracture was on the lateral side, but I am now having sharp pains on the inside of the knee. I presume the MCL. OS says if still bothering me in 4 weeks he will refer me to some other doc who deals with soft tissue stuff and I presume then, an MRI. Says we need to give the soft tissue time to see if it heals up on its own. (though all he says about any soft tissue damage is that "there is always some" with a TPF). Sigh. I am sorry for the rant, and yes, I am having a pity party. I do know that, but it doesn't negate the fact that I am just so damned depressed. I am 48 years old, with a 15 year old daughter. I am hanging in there financially buy any government funding I had (Employment Insurance) has now ended. When I can get walking without a crutch, I don't even know what the heck I can do for work. Can't doing anything where I will be standing long days, and can't work on a computer all day - due to problems with my wrist (repetitive strain, tendonitis, arthritis).  I just don't know how to get through the day without being so depressed and unmotivated. I hate this.

Hope you don't mind this KG neebie dumping this on you all. I just don't know where else to let it out that people will even remotely "get it". And then I think I am being wimpy as my case did not require surgery. Nuff said I guess. Hope you are all having a better day than me, and I am so grateful for this forum!

Offline leitoeva

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Re: Unemployed, can't work, single mom, anxiety!
« Reply #1 on: October 15, 2012, 05:49:01 AM »
hey dawn,

if theres anyone who would understand your situation better, they would be here. i am a 23 year old guy. i was a fireman until i met an accident that busted my knee in feb 12. had my knee surgery done in Aug. its been 8 months since i got laid off. i know its very depressing knowing the fact that i could never be a fireman again. and in the past 8 months i have been truly alone in this ride. no one really could understand and reciprocate how i feel.

truthfully, i dont know what else i can do other than firefighting and rescue. now with only 1 good leg, it bums me out knowing what's ahead of me isnt very convincing. in the accident, i did get a minor tendonitis on my wrist too. so it does suck. sometimes i dont know what to feel anymore.

i am 23. my family members have a life of their own, and i am living my 'life' on my own too. since the accident, the injury limiting to my mobility has left me with no friends either. i dont know what could take my mind off this misery. but i do know one thing.

if youre feeling like s**t, theres definitely more out there feeling shittier than you. thats probably how i get through the day. if you do need to talk to anyone, i could use some company too.

cheers.

hang in there.
9th Feb 12 - Motorbike Accident
21st Aug 12 - ACL, PCL recon (allografts)
                    MCL (hamstring)

Offline Plumb

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Re: Unemployed, can't work, single mom, anxiety!
« Reply #2 on: October 15, 2012, 07:48:10 AM »
First , to both of you all, I wish you less anxiety and while you are in knee recovery hell.  Let it all out in the forums.  Knees are evil creatures. They heal on their own time and there is nothing you can do except do your PT and listen to your doctors,

@ 23 your life is just starting and  you will find something once your knee is healed and ready.to work again. Keep the faith!!

I have had both knees replaced over the last 6 years and have given up so much to try to save my self from pain.  Now listen up. There is no room for pain in anyone's life. I have found it to be a gift in so many ways to know what real pain is and roll out of it.  It may take time but do not allow it to consume  your life and soul.


Cry, vent tear get the grief out,

Offline wayner99

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Re: Unemployed, can't work, single mom, anxiety!
« Reply #3 on: October 15, 2012, 09:22:09 PM »
Hey Leitova,

I have had a recent knee fracture, and am a firefighter as well. Was just wondering what has determined your career ended. I am 5 weeks in and my knee is not yet bending, but am positive to a full recovery.  As well as my knee injury, I broke my back. I have decided I will be back on duty by the end of November.  Bones will heal, muscle can be rebuilt to protect them again. I plan to come back stronger than before.  Please tell me the details of what has happened to give you such an unfortunate result to your injury.
Christel
08/09/12-fracture of patella in 3 pieces, as well L1 compound fracture
09/09/12-Surgery with wire, full leg brace on
15/09/12-disch hospital with jewett back brace
18/09/12-leg brace off,full weight bearing
24/09/12-staples removed
08/10/12-leg lifts 90 deg

Offline wayner99

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Re: Unemployed, can't work, single mom, anxiety!
« Reply #4 on: October 18, 2012, 03:11:11 AM »
Leitova,

As I am new to this forum, apparently I can't PM until I have 20 posts. I would def be interested in chatting otherwise. Trying to up my posts to 20 currently by posting a bunch of stuff on games etc.
It will take me a little bit and then I can share my personal info on PM.
Wait for me.... :-)
FF Christel
08/09/12-fracture of patella in 3 pieces, as well L1 compound fracture
09/09/12-Surgery with wire, full leg brace on
15/09/12-disch hospital with jewett back brace
18/09/12-leg brace off,full weight bearing
24/09/12-staples removed
08/10/12-leg lifts 90 deg

Offline leitoeva

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Re: Unemployed, can't work, single mom, anxiety!
« Reply #5 on: October 18, 2012, 11:11:13 AM »
Hi wayner99,

no problem ill wait up for you. =)
9th Feb 12 - Motorbike Accident
21st Aug 12 - ACL, PCL recon (allografts)
                    MCL (hamstring)

Offline lizthelounger

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Re: Unemployed, can't work, single mom, anxiety!
« Reply #6 on: October 25, 2012, 11:24:38 AM »
Oh honey, can I ever relate to this!
I'm in the same boat, only I live in the Netherlands. After four years, my disability has abruptly stopped without any kind of warning and I'm expected to find a job. I also have NO idea what on earth I'm supposed to do. My previous jobs all involved stuff I can't do anymore either, and being treated like a number by these government institutions is so hurtful, especially when we're talking about injury and pain you never asked for!!! As if you, or me, or anyone in a similar situation, asked for this! It's frustrating, it's degrading and it's awful.
Know you are very much not alone in this anxious and stressful situation - if we put our heads together, maybe we can come up with something to shine a little ray of hope on our horizons!
All the very best
Lizanne

Offline leitoeva

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Re: Unemployed, can't work, single mom, anxiety!
« Reply #7 on: October 25, 2012, 01:34:59 PM »
hi lizanne,

i know how you feel. some way or another, we will make it out alright. but for now, we have to stay positive. =)

cheers.
9th Feb 12 - Motorbike Accident
21st Aug 12 - ACL, PCL recon (allografts)
                    MCL (hamstring)

Offline inpaingirl

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Re: Unemployed, can't work, single mom, anxiety!
« Reply #8 on: December 07, 2012, 01:34:36 PM »
Hello, Im sorry you feel so misarable, you are definately not alone so don't be sad instead think that it can be MUCH worse, thats what gets me through my pain.

I am only 25 years old, I have tilted patellas on both knees, a cyst in left knee and nerve pain in right leg/knee. My problem is genetic and was aggravated by my work, I used to stand from 8-12 hours a day, also I was running but only for like 2 months.. Doctors said surgery is risky and since my case is "mild" they don't want to operate. Of course they dont understand that what they see on MRI and X-ray is facts but to me thats pain.. So I really dont know what to do at this point..I have a whole life a head of me but I am stuck, I am in pain every day and can't even walk for 10 min wthout being in much more pain... I don't want to risk with the surgery because I don't want even MORE pain as surgeon warned me.. My dream job is to be physician assistan in operating room but will it ever come true? I am taking prereqs in college and studying hard for something that may never happen for me because I cannot stand long without being in major pain....its depressing to think about it

I was praying to God to save me from my previous job where I had to stand and it ruined my knees, and thank God after I started praying hard my husband got a job promotion at his work and that made it possible for me to quit, that is a miracle in my life and the only thing that made me survive all this pain,frustration and depression. It all happend so fast in like 2 weeks I quit, my pain level went from 7 to like 4 which unless I have to walk for some reason..

Pain meds don't help me and I am looking into herbs, will see what happens. I pray that God helps you as well.

Offline dawng

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Re: Unemployed, can't work, single mom, anxiety!
« Reply #9 on: December 21, 2012, 06:02:20 PM »
Hi Inpaingirl. Didn't see your post until today. I am sorry to hear about the trouble you are having! It is hard to keep up the faith, isn't it. It is great that your husband got a job promotion for that will certainly relieve some degree of stress. I am still unemployed and have found out through an MRI that I have an articular cartilage tear. I am waiting to see an OS (new one) regarding this, and I fear surgery may be needed. This wouldn't be so bad if I could support my daughter and I, but my savings are going to be gone in about a month. Very stressful. Praying for us both! And hope you have a wonderful Christmas despite the challenges.

Offline dm

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Re: Unemployed, can't work, single mom, anxiety!
« Reply #10 on: December 25, 2012, 02:29:37 AM »
inpaingirl - you might look into local anesthetic patches - they do a lot for me for bringing down the pain a couple notches without impairing cognitive function or affecting tummy etc, and they're good for 12 hrs. they can also be cut if a half patch or a patch split and put on each side of the knee works better than a whole one. You could also look into voltaren gel as a painkiller option, it's a topical nsaid, that has helped me some when I'm not too active. I've got a lot of damage, so I have an entirely different situation from yours. If you're looking for options to cope and avoid surgery, these are non-narcotic and could be used long-term.

For everyone in general - I know how y'all feel. I started job hunting and ended up quitting one job because it was making my knee worse. I was slowly increasing the amount of painkillers I was having to take just to get through the day, and that, among other things, was one clue that I couldn't do the job for the long term. At the point I left, I was on permanent work restrictions, including limited work hours to prevent them from requiring me to work 60-80 hour weeks with my knee as wrecked as it is.

When I finally did resign - aka quit - they acted so shocked, like they couldn't see the writing on the wall. Hey, I'd been laid off for 9 months when business was slow, had gone and gotten my A+ certification as a PC tech (almost $300 worth of exams) and I had enrolled in college and was in my third semester of school when they called me back to work. I gave them my Certificate from my taking my A+ exams, and they're like "what's this?" -- duh? they put computers and sometimes networks in their vehicles and have an IT department and they can't figure it out?. I also informed them I was in college now and had some work limitations regarding having to attend classes. SO.... later on, when things got worse, both with job circumstances I won't get into, and with my knee.... I started job hunting and within a month I got a new job... It was funny in a way. I put out a resume on a sunday online, got called, of all things at work on my break (talk about timing!) and arranged a job interview after work. Got a job offer that day, pending passing their paperwork..... ended up officially hired 3 wks later, put in my 2 weeks notice... to the shock of the employer I was leaving. As I said... like the writing wasn't on the wall with my certification and going back to school??

I moved on to a job that was less physically demanding (most of the time) and for a little more money.  I have my ups and downs, as my knee is total crap, and I've tortured myself going through the Hyalgan injections (5 shots) for them to not help. My knee's too far gone for that. My patellofemoral compartment is grade 4, my medial compartment is just as bad, with a 1.5 cm area that's been microfractured that took 18 months for the defect to fill in. I have more than 80% of my medial meniscus removed due to repeated injury. My acl was partially torn in 2010 and was repaired, and that repair failed Dec 2011, so my knee is lax as all heck. I have had the same OS for 10 yrs, got a second opinion this year when he wanted to scope the knee for a meniscus tear the mri showed on the medial side, but do nothing for the retorn acl. This won't fix the root cause of my pain... would still be as bad off after as before, so I declined and sought another opinion. 2nd OS looked at MRI, did standing xrays, and said knee's shot. Suggested Hyalgan to buy time, he'd said he'd had a lot of success w/ it, but it didn't do much for me. Still got daily pain. Worse the more I do. Also have pain along the kneecap lower medial edge where the patella tendon attaches, like it's trying to tear there too... not good. OS says he'll do a TKR when I'm ready, but gotta have 2-3 months worth of bill money available plus the money for the ins deductible and copays, and I don't got it..... so the surgery has to wait. SO... meanwhile I live on painkillers and icepacks. Nothing else I can do.

I can totally sympathize with how many of y'all feel... I can at least work with painkillers, anesthetic patches, icepacks, and sheer determination. I'd like to get my knee fixed, but I need to have several grand in the bank to afford to do the surgery, between paying my share of the insurance costs, and paying to live while I'd be on a leave of absence for the surgery. Not cheap to do.... anybody got a winning lottery ticket to share?? I'm not greedy... I don't want it all, just enough to get my knee taken care of and get back to work after...  :(

I get real frustrated/angry/depressed some days, thinking how some people who won't do a dang thing for themselves can get everything paid for and handed to them, and those of us who bust our butts get patchwork bits of this and that, and get told "our fair share" is "x" and that "x" is so costly that you practically have to starve to afford it, if you can at all. It's funny how these bureaucrats who decide who's eligible for what never take into account that you lose so much of your income off the top just paying stuff you have no choice but to pay, before you can even pay for the roof over your head, and all the stuff you "have" to have... and then you have a pittance left to share for everything else... and everyone else wants a bigger piece of a finite pie.... my pie is too small... they need to find someone else's pie to take a piece of!! >:(
multiple arthroscopies 2/00,3/01,6/01,1/03, 12/07,10/10. chondromalacia, severe medial joint space narrowing following 3 partial menisectomies, chronic pain problems, kneecap problems, OCD lesion, failed mfx.

Offline Kneecandy

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Re: Unemployed, can't work, single mom, anxiety!
« Reply #11 on: December 30, 2012, 06:43:40 AM »
you are so not alone... I have been out of work for six months, still on a cane. OS is telling me to get used to it, I only have 80 Rom and that's as good as it'll get. I worked as a bartender supporting my two kids for the last ten years, now I can't stay on my feet or sit for too long either. nobody wants to hire an ex bartender on a cane & disability won't approve my case so far. my savings have run out but thank God I was a food storage nut as it will at least feed us for a while.worse than the missing income for me are the feelings of usefulness, and not being productive. this TPF has changed every aspect of my life from work, to friendships, to how I view myself as a mother,provider....it has taken a heavy toll on me, the depression is almost as bad as the pain. here's hoping the new yearyear is better for all us broke & broken knee club members.
6/16/12 motorcycle accident TPF #6
6/16/12  surgery external fixator
7/2/12.    Surgery 2 plates, 8 screws, bone graft NWB
7/19/12   56staples out, thigh to toe cast NWB
8/2/12.    Cast off, brace w/rom set @30 NWB
9/20/12.  WBAT
10/2/12.   PT / driving 60 rom
11/15/12  80 Rom, wbat
7/13 HWR

Offline captainruss

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Re: Unemployed, can't work, single mom, anxiety!
« Reply #12 on: December 31, 2012, 08:30:41 AM »
Dawn,

I see you are in Ontario so I am not sure if this applies.  In America, our esteemed Sugar Daddy and Chief (President) is giving out entitlements to anyone who will not work as long as you are able to work.  If you can't work due to a disability, the only alternative is filing for disability relief.

I had to quit my job when my proposed knee surgery went bad and went back to College.  In America (not sure if this applies to Canada) we are provided financial aid to attend College.  As I have paid into the program for the last 35 years, I decided to start taking classes and the grants/student loans have allowed me to stave off being homeless and actually work on my degree.

So, not sure about the Great White North (Canada), but it might be worth looking into.  It would also at least here not affect your disability claim and help retrain you for something you can do with that knee.

It has also helped me occupy my mind and my depression regarding my (blah blah blah) failed knee surgeries, depression, etc.  So, instead of telling you what I have been thru and other things I am doing, I am posting it to a diary or your can email/PM me if you need any other ideas.

With the Internet, I am taking online classes which I can keep up with during/after surgeries from my laptop in the hospital and at home while recovering.  Just a thought!  Happy New Year.

Russ
80 Shattered patella 5 surg
09  TKR 
09  MUA
09  MUA
09  Knee infected??
10  TKR  Scar Tissue
10  2nd OS  Diagnosis Infection
10  TKR with antibiotic spacer, no joint
4/11  TKR
11  TKR PT
11  TKR
11  TKR  AF diagosis
12/11  HO diagnosed
2012  Intractable Pain
2012  OS split
amputation possible?

Offline Brambledog

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Re: Unemployed, can't work, single mom, anxiety!
« Reply #13 on: February 13, 2013, 03:36:39 PM »
Hi everyone,

It's horrible to read how much sadness, pain and frustration is out there, but it is also comforting to know I am not alone with those feelings. I admire you all for reaching out and not just suffering silently...

My journey is on my post-op diary and various threads  ::) but I got CRPS after an arthroscopy, and also have bad PFOA in both knees. I can't have an operation because of the CRPS, and I have horrible pain and burning every single day. Painkillers do not work on the pain, a horrible thing to realise,mwhn inalways used to think that doctors could control pain... :-\ It wears me out, frustrates and annoys me, and I have found that so many people I thought were friends just haven't made it through the last two years, and have just faded away.

I had to leave my job as it was all standing and walking and carrying, etc, and although I have a degree, it is in earth sciences and geology - cant see me climbing any volcanoes now! I am lucky that my husband works, but we lost a big chunk of income when my job went, and we just aren't coping financially. I worry about that a lot. I've started doing some self-employed tutoring, but can't earn like I used to, it drives me mad.

I feel guilty all the time at not being able to be the person I was. My husband and elder daughter have had to take on so much that I did. I managed to get back some of my function for a while, but the last few weeks it's gone again in a bad flare-up, and I feel I am back at square one. It's depressing.

I try to stay positive, and am doing some of the Open University's free online courses on my iPad, but I can't imagine what sort of job I would get now as I need to elevate my leg so much because of the swelling, and even crutches (which i am using all the time on the house) are slow, painful and unstable. I have a wheelchair for when I'm out, it's a great thing for getting me out of the house, but... I never thought I'd be stuck here at the age of 41 after an active life enjoying loads of things.

So hey, you're not alone, and you all deserve to feel proud of yourselves for fighting and dealing with this crap on a daily basis. It takes guts to even get up most days, so well done! You are worth some good things, don't stop hoping for them.

Brams  ;)

2009 - diagnosed coeliac
Aug 2011 - L knee arthroscopy
Aug 2011 - diagnosed PF arthritis L knee
Nov 2011 - diagnosed CRPS L knee
Dec 2011 - MRI R knee, PFOA is worse than L!
June 2012 - no surgery 'til TKR's
Nov 2012 - CRPS spread to L foot/thigh, increasing pain
- Worsening pain/symptoms R knee
;-)















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