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Author Topic: I am just so tired of hurting all the time.  (Read 17820 times)

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Offline Cherokeegal

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I am just so tired of hurting all the time.
« on: September 27, 2012, 03:21:23 PM »
Today is a very bad day for me.  I have been crying....sobbing literally...ever since my husband left for work.  And I can't stop it.

I am so tired of this.  I am tired of the pain. I am tired of being treated like a drug seeking faker by my employer and their workers comp insurance company. I am tired of doctors and PTs who tell me it shouldn't be hurting this bad and I should be walking without crutches. I am tired of horrible, god awful pain that never goes away.  I was in so much pain during therapy yesterday that I vomited and almost passed out.  The PT asked me if that was really necessary! I can't find a doc on my own, because I have to choose from a list of docs that the insurance company gives me.  And I am required to take PT at the hospital where I am employed, and can't go anywhere else for it.

If anything, the surgery has made my knee worse.  The pain is definitely worse, and in more places than before the surgery. Every second of PT is a horrible, painful torture and I cry through it all.  Nobody will listen to me. Nobody cares....I am just a number.

My poor husband has to do everything that's done around the house. I can barely take a shower by myself.  I know he is tired of my crying and complaining about my knee.....tired of me constantly asking him to refill my ice pack. I feel like he is pulling away from me and I don't blame him. I would get away myself if I could. It's been going on since June, and getting worse instead of better. Nobody comes to visit or even calls to check on me any more.  I'm taking two classes at the local community college online, to make myself more employable. I had started this before the injury. One of them is Word, and has such a ridiculous amount of homework required that I am falling behind in it because I can't sit at my desk to do it for the pain.

I just can't stand this any more!
06/12 Twisting injury @ work
07/12 Failed PT & Cortizone Inj
09/12 Arthroscopy w/Chrondroplasty & Debridement
09/12 Back in agonizing PT

Offline MyKnee2010

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Re: I am just so tired of hurting all the time.
« Reply #1 on: September 27, 2012, 04:56:28 PM »
Hi,

Just read your message -- I am so sorry you are in so much pain!!!! I don't have any medical words of advice but I can certainly empathise with your pain. I just got blown off by my 4th OS yesterday so I understand the frustration, anger, sadness, depression, etc. All I can say is you are not alone!

Keep doing as much as you can to find the right OS. The only way we have to fight for ourselves is to arm ourselves with knowledge & determination!

I've found having a little yelling/crying/screaming fit helps alot. Preferably you want to do this when you are alone. Once you get alittle of it out of your system, you can resume the fight. Repeat as necessary! ;)

Healing thoughts & hugs going out to you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Offline Nettan

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Re: I am just so tired of hurting all the time.
« Reply #2 on: September 27, 2012, 05:57:29 PM »
You have recently had surgery and been on crutches for a longer time before. I guess what you need is more time.
Also one thing in all that you need to be aware of is that we heal differently.
What are your painlevels on a day from 0 no pain to 10 the worst pain you can ever imagine ?
What painmeds are you on ?
What are you doing in PT ?
Are you doing PT at home ?
Lots of questions. I have read your story but you haven't written that much after your surgery.
Could you please fill us in./Nettan
Surgery 6 times left knee torn meniscus, RSDS,chondromalacia, nervdamage cause constant nervpain,chronic inflamm.
Spinaldamage wheeler 100%.
Right knee damaged aug-06, use brace surgery 4/9-07.LCL tear.

Offline Cherokeegal

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Re: I am just so tired of hurting all the time.
« Reply #3 on: September 27, 2012, 09:14:45 PM »
Hi,


Keep doing as much as you can to find the right OS. The only way we have to fight for ourselves is to arm ourselves with knowledge & determination!



Thanks, but that's where I'm screwed under worker's comp.  I have no real choice in what OS I can see.  :'(
06/12 Twisting injury @ work
07/12 Failed PT & Cortizone Inj
09/12 Arthroscopy w/Chrondroplasty & Debridement
09/12 Back in agonizing PT

Offline Cherokeegal

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Re: I am just so tired of hurting all the time.
« Reply #4 on: September 27, 2012, 09:28:42 PM »

What are your painlevels on a day from 0 no pain to 10 the worst pain you can ever imagine ?
What painmeds are you on ?
What are you doing in PT ?
Are you doing PT at home ?
Lots of questions. I have read your story but you haven't written that much after your surgery.
Could you please fill us in./Nettan

Sorry about that.  I did start the post-op diary, but when I didn't heal or improve quickly, I became too depressed to continue it.

Most of the time my pain is consistently at a 5 or 6. That is if I am still and not moving or trying to bend my knee. When I have to put weight on the leg, or bend it (for instance, getting up and down from the toilet) it shoots quickly to an 8 or 9. I have pain underneath and at the bottom of my kneecap now that I didn't have before surgery. Bearing weight on my left leg results in shooting pains. There is a lot of "raw" feeling and grinding pain.

For pain, I am taking Norco 10mg 1 every 4hours. They don't do much for the pain, especially now that I've started PT. Immediately after surgery I was taking 2 every four hours, but when I called for a refill, he changed it to 1.  I'm having a great deal of pain since PT yesterday, and called today to ask for something else. When the nurse returned my call she said to go back to taking 2 every four hours and would not call in anything else for me.

I started PT on Monday.  I go three times a week this week and next week, then two times a week for two weeks, then back to the OS. They are mostly doing quad strengthening things like leg lifts , quad sets, and the like.  Yesterday they had me doing a thing where I had a round pilllow under my knee and had to raise my lower leg out straight.  That hurt like the devil and caused a lot of pain...along with some heel slides to bend the knee. They even made me get on a bike and go all the way around on the pedals and it felt like my knee was going to explode with every move.  It hurt so bad, and my knee was horribly swollen afterwards.  Today there is an increase in pain and swelling and it feels internally swollen below my kneecap.

I am supposed to repeat the quad exercises and knee bend ones at home also on my own.

I haven't done them today.  I've spent the majority of the day RICE'ing and trying to recover from the PT yesterday.
06/12 Twisting injury @ work
07/12 Failed PT & Cortizone Inj
09/12 Arthroscopy w/Chrondroplasty & Debridement
09/12 Back in agonizing PT

Offline Vickster

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Re: I am just so tired of hurting all the time.
« Reply #5 on: September 27, 2012, 09:42:08 PM »
Sorry top hear you are so sore and down,  Even a 'simple' scope is a big trauma to an already unhappy knee.  What was done and when exactly?  Realistically 2-3 months is not unusual if anything much was done, especially if you have had the injury a while already

Stick with the painkillers (sorry not sure what norco actually is, not one we have in ther UK) and also ice - elevate the knee above your heart and try to do the exercises as much as you can with ice after

Hope it all feels better soon :)
Came off bike onto concrete 9/9/09
LK arthroscopy 8/2/10
2nd scope on 16/12/10
RK arthroscopy on 5/2/15
Lateral meniscus trim, excision of hoffa's fat pad, chondral stabilisation
LK scope 10.1.19 medial menisectomy, trochlea microfracture, general tidy up

Offline Cherokeegal

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Re: I am just so tired of hurting all the time.
« Reply #6 on: September 27, 2012, 11:56:00 PM »
Thanks, Vickster.

The surgery was Sept. 7.  According to the OS at the hospital after surgery he did "extensive clean up, debridement, and work" on the entire knee.  However, on my followup visit on Sept. 20, he said that he just "barely cleaned up" around an area of chrondomalacia. And he said it "didn't look too bad" to him.  According the the MRI, I had two areas of grade 4 chrondromalacia, and multiple areas of lesser grade 2/3. He hasn't really been the friendliest guy after surgery, nor has he been willing to answer a lot of questions.

The Norco I am taking is a mixture drug of 10mg Hydrocodone and 325mg acetaminophen.  I'm keeping the knee elevated and iced all day today, but it's still very swollen from PT yesterday.
06/12 Twisting injury @ work
07/12 Failed PT & Cortizone Inj
09/12 Arthroscopy w/Chrondroplasty & Debridement
09/12 Back in agonizing PT

Offline minor_discrepancy

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Re: I am just so tired of hurting all the time.
« Reply #7 on: September 28, 2012, 05:28:41 PM »
Aww girl I'm so sorry. :( No one should ever have to feel like their pain is invalidated by those around them.  I can't imagine the stress you must be under.  I've often wondered why my OS always gives me such a high prescription of painkillers each time I have surgery and I think this is the reason why.  Sometimes you just can't take the hurting anymore.  Chronic and even non-chronic pain are treated so poorly in this country.  Anything that makes you "less" than a vigorous, capable young person is looked down on.  I've dealt with it before.  Having people consider me lazy, having to cancel plans with friends because they involve too much walking, having to explain to my PT that I'm not just tired when I can't do squats anymore but that I can feel a deep, grinding pain straight to my bones.  That's not what people want to hear.  They want to hear you getting better and getting normal.

You're not weak or worthless or somehow less of a person because you have this pain and disability right now.  You are still you, and deserve love and understanding like any other person going through a hard time.  Our mood is what we make of it so maybe take baby steps.  Decorate your crutches with funny/colorful stickers, take up a new hobby that doesn't involve a lot of movement like knitting.  Have a lot of homework? See if you can borrow your husband's or a friend's laptop and lay on the couch with it.  Anything to make it easier on yourself.  Sit down with your husband and really talk about how you are feeling with this and reach out to him.  Maybe he won't seem like he's pulling away once you have an honest, candid discussion.

I wish I could fix everything for you.  All I can do is offer my support and let you know that you're not alone and I hope that things start working out for you.. :(
02/21 (scheduled) OATS
4/09 Dislocated patella
6/09 LR + Chondroplasty, LB removal
2/12 Microfracture + Chondroplasty
7/13 Chondroplasty + Cleanup

Offline Cherokeegal

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Re: I am just so tired of hurting all the time.
« Reply #8 on: October 03, 2012, 01:19:01 PM »
Thanks, Minor.  I've been able to get out of the house more the last few days, so that's helped some.

I'm just in limbo here.  Since surgery, I have new pains in totally different areas of the knee (underneath kneecap and below it). Plus total numbness of the skin over the kneecap, along with burning and shooting pains on the skin that I was told was nerves healing by my PT.

They have me back in PT and I am still crying through each visit due to the pain it causes. I have been "banned" from crutches at this point, but I still can't bear full weight on my knee. Putting any weight on it at all makes it hurt horribly. I am hobbling as good as I can and using a cane. I can bend it some, but the pain it causes is excruciating. I can bend it, and get a pretty decent flexion if I really grit my teeth and push it, but doing that hurts like I can't describe. I am forced to do PT at my employer and I don't think the PTs listen to me at all.  And they totally ignore the fact that I cry through the entire visits. He is like, "Look how much you're flexing! Keep going!" and totally ignoring that I'm red faced and tears are streaming down, and I'm telling him "IT HURTS LIKE HELL"!

I go back to my OS on Oct. 11 and at the last visit (post op follow up), he told me that on the Oct. 11 visit he "will get me back to work". I am a nurses aide in a hospital. There is no way I can run up and down those halls on this knee, and my employer refused to honor my light duty/sedentary restrictions that I was given before surgery. So I don't know what to expect there.
06/12 Twisting injury @ work
07/12 Failed PT & Cortizone Inj
09/12 Arthroscopy w/Chrondroplasty & Debridement
09/12 Back in agonizing PT

Offline minor_discrepancy

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Re: I am just so tired of hurting all the time.
« Reply #9 on: October 16, 2012, 10:20:38 PM »
Hey CherokeeGal,

That's completely messed up. :\ Your doctors and therapists should be not ignoring you when you say you are in pain.  It's the 16th so hopefully with some  PT things have started to improve a little..? Keep us updated..
02/21 (scheduled) OATS
4/09 Dislocated patella
6/09 LR + Chondroplasty, LB removal
2/12 Microfracture + Chondroplasty
7/13 Chondroplasty + Cleanup

Offline Overdidit

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Re: I am just so tired of hurting all the time.
« Reply #10 on: October 18, 2012, 05:38:53 PM »
I think I'd ask for all post op notes and go for a second opinion quick.  You might be doing more damage.  I've had several cleanups and something doesn't sound right here.  If the MRI stated you had Grade 4 chrondomalacia, NO clean up is going to make that feel better!  Especially under the patella . . .Been there done that!  I'd be RUNNING to another surgeon with the MRI'S in hand and post op notes of EXACTLY what he found and did!  I am sorry you are in so much pain . . . and I'm sorry no one is listening to you . . . keep us posted!

Offline berlinathena

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Re: I am just so tired of hurting all the time.
« Reply #11 on: October 28, 2012, 06:25:14 PM »
I'm am soo sorry to hear about your pain and frustration. I can relate to a point, but am very afraid of getting further away from my post op date and still having trouble such as you are. I am really begining to think it is part of the OS job to be somewhat evasive and encourage you by "you shouldn't have this much pain."   I'm two weeks post op from a removal of bone tumor and bone graft..just the other day I had a horrible fall and fractured my knee cap. The Dr. said I have to start moving the knee, if it doesn't move he will have to do it surgically. Really?  Two weeks after major surgery, I'm constantly in pain, wake up every two hours in pain, the knee is still swollen and the knee doesn't bend at all. I know I'll be in tears at PT.
Therefore, I feel for you. I live with my boyfriend, the poor guy is waiting on me hand and foot. He gives me breakfast before he leaves for the day, cooks, does laundry..must help me with everything. In the middle of the night last night, I had him get up because I needed ice.  I keep thanking him, because I figure it has to be getting old for him. He tells me too, it's going to be harder for me if I don't move the knee. I do understand this...but pain to the point of tears, vomiting or possible passing out?  Sounds imhumane huh?   That is why, I'm begining it is part of the OS job..pushing and encouraging without caving in no matter what.

Hand in there, because I'm going to be looking for you to see how you are doing, and I encourage you to do the best YOU can. I have found ice to be my best friend. I know your pain and frustration and everyone definatley responds differently to healing. We are not all made the same way!

Strength and smiles to you...

Offline travelthomas

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Re: I am just so tired of hurting all the time.
« Reply #12 on: November 04, 2012, 12:33:02 AM »
{hugs}

I really hope things get better for you.

Chronic pain is something I can relate to because of Celiac Disease, with arthritis from childhood, cancer, and a bunch of other painful conditions. Right now I'm doing my best not to injure my other joints because of my TPF. Low levels of calcium and vitamin D are common with Celiac Disease. I had a couple of molars break because of low calcium.

At a recent low point for me I got this spam in a private message that really hit home for me, "It isn't the things that happen to us in our lives that cause us to suffer, it's how we relate to the things that happen to us that causes us to suffer."

As bad as the physical pain is, it's nothing compared to the emotional pain of loss, and it was my crappy mood that drove away someone I really loved years ago.

I do my best to be polite and upbeat around loved ones, because there's nothing worse than being alone, and I've spent many years alone.
Diagnosed Celiac Disease 2003
9/3/12 - Construction Accident - Tibia Plateau Fracture + Fib Frac
9/5/12 - External Fixation
9/20/12 - 2 plates, 11+ screws (3 1/2 hour surgery)
10/3/12 - Staples removed, ROM 41, swollen knee
10/31/12 - No more brace, ROM 60, swollen knee

Offline newyorkcityknees

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Re: I am just so tired of hurting all the time.
« Reply #13 on: November 27, 2012, 07:24:11 PM »
As someone who has gone through a great deal of physical therapy after a backers dozen knee surgeries including a TKR, plus a six week inpatient rehab after a near fatal brain bleed I have not met any physical therapists that tell you to go beyond what your body tells you.  They do not l;et me slacken but are aware that when the pain gets too bad they move on to another set of totally different exercises and ice the knee between sets.  Since you are stuck doing physio where you work, you may want to have a frank discussion with the supervising therapist about when and where to stop,  I can't imagine that you are not doing more harm than good pushing through pain that literally makes you sick.  A goo physio should know when enough is enough, but some can do more damasge.  I remember 20 some years ago my mother had a total hip replacement and the physio at the nursing home pushed her to the point that the hip loosened and she needed another surgery and never walked again, she spent the rest of her days an invilid in a wheelchair or bed ridden.  It seems that with todays medicine unless we are our best advocates few people are willing to have our backs.  I am blessed that my daughter in law is a senior post operative nurse, and my daughter does medical billing and insurance work so they know who to see and who to run from at the hospital I go to but I have seen so many horror stories from people who do not speak out for themselves.  In my pain mamagement it is fine when I see the doc every month for my morphine script but god forbid if the breakthrough is soo bad I need to go to an emergency room I am treated like a drug seeking fool.  I actually had one doc who would not even talk to me and said go to your pain doc, I was literally near tears and he just acted as though all I was looking for was a quick fix, I was so mad when I got home I called the medical director of the Hospital and complained, he said he would discuss with the er doc how to deal with people under pain management but I have no ideaq if he said that just to get me off the phone, so be true to yourself and dont let the establishment beat yoiu down. God bless
New York City Knees

Offline schnops

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Re: I am just so tired of hurting all the time.
« Reply #14 on: February 09, 2013, 05:51:37 PM »
hi-
I know exactly what you are going through.  I had numerous appointments with very well known doctors, all telling me the same thing...that there was nothing they could do.  It took me 4 different doctors to finally get some sort of answer.  Like you, I also hated every second of pt.  Dreaded going.  I'm finally getting a surgery in a few months to try and get rid of pain and live a normal life.  I know when I was upset or frustrated all I wanted to know was that there was someone else out there who knew exactly how I was feeling. A lot of injuries or issues can't be fixed and pt is the only thing left to do.  So my advice to you is to keep trying to find a doctor who can listen and help you.  Find a new pt.  Physical therapy isn't supposed to be torture and it most definitely isn't supposed to hurt that bad.   If you have someone that you can connect with and trust then going through this frustrating and at times dis-encouraging can become just a little bit easier to deal with.  Best of luck
TTO, LR, arthoscopy, medial tightening R leg -03/'13
Hardware Removal- 9/'13
TTO, LR, athroscopy, medial tightening L leg- 10/'13
VMO advancement, LR, trochleoplasty















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