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Author Topic: Lost, Depressed - need help  (Read 14686 times)

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Offline Brambledog

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Re: Lost, Depressed - need help
« Reply #15 on: September 19, 2012, 01:24:28 PM »
Good luck Thommo!

Hope you get some answers and a plan of action...

Brams  ;)
2009 - diagnosed coeliac
Aug 2011 - L knee arthroscopy
Aug 2011 - diagnosed PF arthritis L knee
Nov 2011 - diagnosed CRPS L knee
Dec 2011 - MRI R knee, PFOA is worse than L!
June 2012 - no surgery 'til TKR's
Nov 2012 - CRPS spread to L foot/thigh, increasing pain
- Worsening pain/symptoms R knee
;-)

Offline thommo404

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Re: Lost, Depressed - need help
« Reply #16 on: September 20, 2012, 05:22:24 AM »
Well i saw the surgeon again today.  He said there is nothing too unremarkable in my SPECT CT.  He said he is %100 sure it is not a pain syndrome.  He told me he has really been thinking about my knee the last 2 weeks coming at it from every angle.  He said he is really at a loss.  He said maybe the MPFL is too tight.  He doesn't think so but he said maybe it is.

He is referring me to another OS at his office who he has alot of respect for.  He sent me to him last year before the MPFL surgery just to get a confirmation from him.  So will wait for that appointment and go from there.  I explained how depressed and over it I am and he apologised and told me it is something he really wants to get worked out asap.

So still no answer.

Offline Brambledog

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Re: Lost, Depressed - need help
« Reply #17 on: September 20, 2012, 09:26:55 AM »
Sorry it wasn't more helpful yesterday Thommo, but some good stuff too I think. It's great that he's referring you to a colleague for another viewpoint - some OSs seem to take all decisions autonomously and never 'share'... And at least he's being honest about not knowing himself. You've got more chance there of a good outcome than if he wasn't sure but told you he was, and went back in your knee on a fishing expedition. I just hope the other appointment comes through quickly - the waiting time for appointments is maddening and fretful, and really doesn't help things.

Let us know how things go and take care of yourself in the meantime.

Brams  ;)
2009 - diagnosed coeliac
Aug 2011 - L knee arthroscopy
Aug 2011 - diagnosed PF arthritis L knee
Nov 2011 - diagnosed CRPS L knee
Dec 2011 - MRI R knee, PFOA is worse than L!
June 2012 - no surgery 'til TKR's
Nov 2012 - CRPS spread to L foot/thigh, increasing pain
- Worsening pain/symptoms R knee
;-)

Offline thommo404

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Re: Lost, Depressed - need help
« Reply #18 on: September 20, 2012, 11:11:28 AM »
Thanks Brams.  Well I got a call and my appointment isn't till 2nd Nov so got 7 weeks to wait.  But they have put me on a cancelation list so fingers crossed I get a quicker appointment.

Offline Brambledog

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Re: Lost, Depressed - need help
« Reply #19 on: September 20, 2012, 11:26:06 AM »
7 weeks does sound like one hell of a long time doesnt it. But you never know - people cancel appointments for all sorts of reasons...

It's a good idea to keep checking with your surgeon's office to see if anyone has cancelled at the start of that week. I know you're on the list, but if you make regular polite enquiries, then they might get you in earlier. I know people that it has worked for.

Have a good day and keep  :). I'm watching Star Trek Next Generation for some bizarre reason at the moment. - had forgotten how mad it was! 'Make it so Mr Data!' ;D My knee gave way on me about half an hour ago when I got to the bottom of the stairs, shook me up a bit so I'm sat feeling a bit blue. Most days I cope ok, but sometimes I really really hate my knees. Grr! Oh well, it'll be fine I'm sure, I'll just need to be careful today ::)

What do you do to occupy all that time we seem to have now?! I don't know about you, but I was always on the go before all this,played a lot of sport, busy and active job, etc etc. seems light years ago sometimes!

Brams  ;)
2009 - diagnosed coeliac
Aug 2011 - L knee arthroscopy
Aug 2011 - diagnosed PF arthritis L knee
Nov 2011 - diagnosed CRPS L knee
Dec 2011 - MRI R knee, PFOA is worse than L!
June 2012 - no surgery 'til TKR's
Nov 2012 - CRPS spread to L foot/thigh, increasing pain
- Worsening pain/symptoms R knee
;-)

Offline thommo404

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Re: Lost, Depressed - need help
« Reply #20 on: September 20, 2012, 12:58:21 PM »
Yeah I will do that.  I am quite lucky that a good mate of mine's wife work at the surgeons office so is going to keep track of it.

That doesn't sound good about your knee.  Make sure you look after it.  When they give way it really does shake you up a little for a while.

For me I with my job I was used to working 13 x 12hr shifts per month so had heaps of time off work.  So I was training for my triathlons up to 20hrs per week.  So now I have heaps of time to fill in.  Although now i work 6hrs a day 5 days a week.  I can only watch so much tv and play so much playstation.  It is 950pm here right now and my wife and I just finished watching a show.  Halfway through I was laying down and had to sit up cause of the pain.  I just started to cry because of it.  Out of the blue.

My wife gets a little annoyed and says what do you want me to say when I tell her I am in pain cause she constantly hears me say it.  I don't blame her.  That just shows me even more how much it effects others.  My 9yo is starting cricket this week.  His first year at it.  He said to me last weekend I wish you could coach us dad but you can't cause of your knee it really sucks.  That breaks my heart.  I loved my cricket and he knows it.  I was an opening batsmen in first class cricket.
I know 7 weeks is nothing but I have had 19mths of it now.  I just want a result.  It can be fixed or it can't.  I don't care which one.  I just want to know how to plan the rest of my life.  Do I need to make a career change at work, car.  All of that.

Offline thommo404

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Re: Lost, Depressed - need help
« Reply #21 on: September 20, 2012, 12:59:20 PM »
By the way.  Sorry for the rant!   :-[

Offline Brambledog

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Re: Lost, Depressed - need help
« Reply #22 on: September 20, 2012, 03:35:46 PM »
Hey don't feel bad about the odd rant Thommo, you do need to get things off your chest, and is is the safest place to do it...

I know just how you feel, although the other way around. There's only so many times you can say your knee hurts, only so many times they can be sympathetic about it in one day...,sometimes my husband goes through patches wherei know he's just fed up with it. Not me, I now know, lol, but my knee. It's so hard for them. They think your relationship and life together is one way, and then this sort of crap happens and everything changes. It must be really hard. Horrible for us though, when all you want some days is a kind word, some understanding and a cup of tea without asking for it.... ::)

I started a thread on the main area a while ago now about just this sort of thing. It really helped me because other people open up and you realise you're not alone in feeling like this. I'll find it and post a link. But any time you need a rant just feel free. Sometimes I type all my woes and frustrations and fears down and then delete them or save them in a plain document. It helps and is quite therapeutic - like writing that letter to your boss saying all the things you always wanted to, and then rippling it up before it got you sacked!

I've got to dash now (ha) to take my youngest to a cross-country thing. I won't be trekking to the finish line tho....I shall sit in the car and wait for her. Not quite the same tho :-\

Take care matey. You'll get there.

Brams  ;)
2009 - diagnosed coeliac
Aug 2011 - L knee arthroscopy
Aug 2011 - diagnosed PF arthritis L knee
Nov 2011 - diagnosed CRPS L knee
Dec 2011 - MRI R knee, PFOA is worse than L!
June 2012 - no surgery 'til TKR's
Nov 2012 - CRPS spread to L foot/thigh, increasing pain
- Worsening pain/symptoms R knee
;-)

Offline Lottiefox

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Re: Lost, Depressed - need help
« Reply #23 on: September 20, 2012, 10:14:14 PM »
Sorry the appointment hasn't given you any answers but as Brams says, the referral to a new doctor could be the fresh pair of eyes that is needed. far better for a surgeon to say "I don't know" than make you a glib promise, go fishing about in your knee when he isn't sure and leave you in even more pain. Knee pain really does grind you down. We all get it on here. As you say, if you KNOW then you can start a planning process. Knowing seems to take for ever. I am sorry the pain was so bad when you were laying down. It does sound like something mechanical is happening in there.

I hope you can get seen sooner than November. And never apologise for the rant on here. Its the place where you can rant amongst those that get it!

lottie
Bilateral patella OA since 2009, no surgeries.
Euflexxa working well x3 to current
Right forefoot CRPS post fusion surgery 2011
Refusing to let the ailing parts stop me....

Offline thommo404

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Re: Lost, Depressed - need help
« Reply #24 on: September 22, 2012, 05:14:07 AM »
Thanks everyone for your words of advice and encouragement.  It means alot.

Was extremely sore yesterday after having the surgeon play around with it the day before at the review.  Went to PT for my hydro.  He thinks it may be best now to try and push it a little for the next 7 weeks and see how we go.  He said if it is sore anyway we may as well work it and it is only going to get sore.  I told him that is fine but when I hit that spot to brings tears to my eyes that is as far as I am going!

He still thinks the surgeon should try oral prednisone.  But the surgeon doesn't really agree.  The PT reckons that will help but everything I have read I can't see why it would do any better than what the cortisone injections did which didn't work.  What do you guys think??

Offline Brambledog

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Re: Lost, Depressed - need help
« Reply #25 on: September 22, 2012, 11:49:27 AM »
Tricky one Thommo.

I can't really compare the two, to be honest. Cortisone injections did diddly-squat for me, and in fact made things worse for a while, but that may have been me. As a painkilling idea, just because the cortisone didn't work doesn't mean the oral prednisone won't. The fact that one is injected straight into the joint space and the other is taken orally means that they will work in totally different ways. It's possible that the oral one, which will work via your bloodstream, may do what the injection didn't.....But I don't know. Might be worth a phone call to your GP - you can request that they call you back - to ask his opinion.

Not nice when they say they're going to go for it for a while and it'll hurt - been to that one and didn't even get given a t-shirt, lol. Like you, when I got to the tears part I had to say stop. In the last year, I've learnt to cope with quite a lot of pain... :-\...but if it gets that bad then given any kind of opt-out, you'd be mad not to say 'enough'. It's quite strange reading your experiences on this Thommo, so much is similar to mine. It's really helpful in a twisted kond of way! I know it's horrible, but you will get through it, and you will cope - because that's what we do. Hey ho.

Hope you have a good day and that the sun is shining! It's beautiful here after the cold last night, might go for a nice long run..... ::) ;D

Brams  ;)
2009 - diagnosed coeliac
Aug 2011 - L knee arthroscopy
Aug 2011 - diagnosed PF arthritis L knee
Nov 2011 - diagnosed CRPS L knee
Dec 2011 - MRI R knee, PFOA is worse than L!
June 2012 - no surgery 'til TKR's
Nov 2012 - CRPS spread to L foot/thigh, increasing pain
- Worsening pain/symptoms R knee
;-)

Offline thommo404

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Re: Lost, Depressed - need help
« Reply #26 on: September 22, 2012, 02:13:18 PM »
Thanks Brams.  I am not real keen to take more drigs but.  I do take pain killers when needed but I do hate to even take them but it is a no win. If I don't I get sore and if I do it is one step closer to stomach or kidney problems.  Do you guys do anything to help prevent ripping your stomach apart or ruining your kidneys?

I was a week away from starting to run again in March this year when I first started to get this pain.  So it is not a muscle issue.  I had great muscle strengh back in my quad and had the pain and now I don't have the best quad and still have the pain.  I don't mind some pain.  I did race ironman triathlons up till I was injured.  They are a 3.8km swim, 180km cycle & 42.2km run so am used to pushing through pain barriers.

Had a good day today.  Went for a drive to see how our new house is progressing.  The weather was quite nice.  I got my first full nights sleep in 2 weeks last night.  Slept from 11pm till 8am without waking once.  But as I type this it is 11pm and I am awake because of the pain and being uncomfortable from the brace.  Can't win.

My OS also wants me to make sure I start to bend my leg as far and as much as possible to ensure I don't get arthrofybrosis I think he said where my knee will end up stiff and stuck.

I hobble on crutches past my bike and just desperatley want to go for a ride.  I love my bike.  It makes me feel awesome after a ride.  So having an $8000 AUD bike sitting there doing nothing sucks. 

This might not be the place to bring it up but my wife and I have not even had sex in 9 months.  I think it is a combination of me being in pain, her being exhausted from having to do so much more around the house and with the kids.  I just really want to cry.  Because we now have to save more money to get things done on the new house cause i won't be able to do them I really would like to shout her a night out to a musical and night in a hotel in Sydney just the 2 of us but can't afford it.  If I wasn't hurt I could simply work an overtime to pay for it.  It really is just continually getting me down.


I hate my knee right now.  I could quite easily walk away from work, physio, the surgeon and just live with it.  I really don't know how much longer I can go on without an answer.  Not suicidal thoughts by the way but caring about what happens with my knee I mean.

thommo404

Offline Brambledog

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Re: Lost, Depressed - need help
« Reply #27 on: September 22, 2012, 03:57:30 PM »
Hi Thommo - I'm going to answer properly in a mo, but in the meantime have a read of a thread I started ages ago talking about some of the things you mention. I hope it makes you realise that you're not alone with this crap, and we do understand.

It's in the main 'General questions and comments' section and is called 'knee pain - the third party in my relationship'.

So glad you got a good nights sleep at last - no sleep is a horrible time!

More in a bit..... and a virtual (((hug))).

Brams  ;)
2009 - diagnosed coeliac
Aug 2011 - L knee arthroscopy
Aug 2011 - diagnosed PF arthritis L knee
Nov 2011 - diagnosed CRPS L knee
Dec 2011 - MRI R knee, PFOA is worse than L!
June 2012 - no surgery 'til TKR's
Nov 2012 - CRPS spread to L foot/thigh, increasing pain
- Worsening pain/symptoms R knee
;-)

Offline thommo404

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Re: Lost, Depressed - need help
« Reply #28 on: September 23, 2012, 01:09:51 PM »
Thanks Brams.  I did have a read of it and it was good to see others out there feeling like me.  And I mean good in a way that I know I'm not going nuts or over reacting.  No-one should have to deal with this.

Had a quiet weekend with the family.  Am planning to go back to my mum's place next weekend to drop our 9yo off for 2 weeks of school hols.  Have been invited out to dinner and a show by an old friend so I think I might have a few drinks and try and forget about it all.  Trying to find some accomodation so the wife and I can have a night together without the kids.  Then the day after we have been asked to go to a nice bay with some of my family.  Just hope I can make it to the water over the sand and hopefully go for a swim.

How is everyone else doing tonight?

Offline Brambledog

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Re: Lost, Depressed - need help
« Reply #29 on: September 23, 2012, 04:09:29 PM »
Sounds lovely!! Hope you get good weather and can get in the sea, that is always such a fantastic thing to do - and just watching the sea can occupy me happily for hours, if I get the chance! Good idea to book somewhere for just the two of you, it's nice to reconnect when you've been through a rough patch...hope you manage to find somewhere nice.

The dinner, show and a few drinks should, in my humble opinion, be part of the care package when you're ill in any way. As good for you as pills and PT sometimes I think  ;D. Hope you have a great time and forget your troubles for a while.

I'm off to my parents for a traditional Sunday lunch of roast beef and all the trimmings...just the thing to chase off the effect these grey autumn skies have on me! I shall ignore the 'no alcohol' on my pills because I know I can get away with the odd glass, and will thoroughly enjoy a nice bit of red wine. Lovely :)

Have a good day and enjoy your planning.

Brams  ;)
2009 - diagnosed coeliac
Aug 2011 - L knee arthroscopy
Aug 2011 - diagnosed PF arthritis L knee
Nov 2011 - diagnosed CRPS L knee
Dec 2011 - MRI R knee, PFOA is worse than L!
June 2012 - no surgery 'til TKR's
Nov 2012 - CRPS spread to L foot/thigh, increasing pain
- Worsening pain/symptoms R knee
;-)