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Author Topic: Lost, Depressed - need help  (Read 14665 times)

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Offline Brambledog

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Re: Lost, Depressed - need help
« Reply #45 on: October 18, 2012, 02:06:37 PM »
Oh crumbs Thommo  :-\ that was a sad end to the day.... Sleeping on the couch is not good.

Health problems put such a lot of strain on a marriage - like you say, the balance is suddenly shifted massively, and one person ends up doing 90% of the work while the other person feels terrible from their illness/injury and guilty as hell because they can't help much. I've been through that stage with my husband, and we had arguments and sulks and tension palpable in the house. It's a lot better now, because although my husband still has to do the lions share, we talk a lot more, I have found ways to do more, and he understands what is happening to me because I've told him all about it, he's come to some appointments and heard the docs, and I encouraged him to read and learn about my condition so that it's not just coming from me. And I suppose because we've all settled in to the way things are because mine is a long-term thing.

Have you considered showing her this site? And maybe your threads? It's clear to me that you love your wife and feel terrible about the way things are.... On the other hand, I keep this site as just mine, nobody else in the family reads it, so it's a bit like a diary. The anonymity is half the charm I suppose.

Oh dear, sorry if I sound preachy! I don't know everything, I can only give you my view, for whatever it's worth. Try not to worry too much and beat yourself up about it, it sounds as though both of you were letting off steam and venting feelings, and sometimes you need that to clear the air.

I really REALLY hope you'll be back in your own room tomorrow and have been able to mend fences with your wife.

On the OT and your surgeon - so frustrating when you feel out of the loop and have to wait for even the basic information. How strange, to just run onto your OS like that! But all you can do is wait, as he said. Bit of a bummer tho.... Still, it's only a week, and you will hopefully know a lot more. Knowing is half the battle I think, a lot of your anxiety and stress now is probably down to this limbo time you're stuck in.

 ;D Didn't even know there WAS a Newcastle in Australia!!!!! Duh! Oh well, learn something every day and all that....lol. I'll look it up on Googlemaps and educate myself! I'm in north Gloucestershire near Cheltenham in England, so quite a way away!

Hope all goes well with your wife tonight, and you have better news in your next post  :)

Brams  ;)
2009 - diagnosed coeliac
Aug 2011 - L knee arthroscopy
Aug 2011 - diagnosed PF arthritis L knee
Nov 2011 - diagnosed CRPS L knee
Dec 2011 - MRI R knee, PFOA is worse than L!
June 2012 - no surgery 'til TKR's
Nov 2012 - CRPS spread to L foot/thigh, increasing pain
- Worsening pain/symptoms R knee
;-)

Offline thommo404

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Re: Lost, Depressed - need help
« Reply #46 on: October 19, 2012, 06:04:01 AM »
Thanks Brams.  I appreciate the advice.  It all seems better today.  We have spoken a few times on the phone while we were both at work.  I think I just forget sometimes how much it affects her and the kids.  I just get wrapped up in how crap or sore I feel.

Well I get to go and watch my 9yo play his first game of cricket on Sunday so am looking forward to that.

I just got an email back from a OS in Sydney as I wanted to see him for a second opinion.  I wouldn't be able to get in to see him till Feb.  Guess I need to find someone else.

So frustrating.  I have a life that is currently on hold cause of this s**t!!

Sorry rant over.  I will let you know how I go on Thursday next week.


thommo

Offline Brambledog

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Re: Lost, Depressed - need help
« Reply #47 on: October 19, 2012, 08:58:50 AM »
Hey Thommo, good to hear things are a bit better. Getting wrapped up in dealing with your own pain and worries is understandable, and we all do it from time to time... ::)

On the second opinion OS, I wouldn't write him off just yet - a 3 or 4-month wait isn't that bad for an OS, particularly if he's got a good reputation. Wait and see what happens with your appointment next week, you might feel better about things and not find Feb as far off... :)

Hope you have a fab time watching your son play on Sunday - which does he prefer, batting, bowling or fielding? I love cricket, it's really frustrating that so much of it is on Sky and we can't watch it without paying for a hefty subscription. Grr...

I'm off to look at wheelchairs this afternoon with my husband, I hope the process of actually getting one is a bit faster than the rest of the medical process, which seems to take forever ::). Can't believe I'm almost looking forward to it in a weird way....I just want some freedom back and get out a bit more! Always assumed a wheelchair would be only for my old age, not now. Oh well. My leg's been awful recently, and anything that takes my mind off it must be good!

Hope you have a good day. Must be getting warmer down there now, it's getting mighty nippy in the morning here!!!

Brams  ;)
2009 - diagnosed coeliac
Aug 2011 - L knee arthroscopy
Aug 2011 - diagnosed PF arthritis L knee
Nov 2011 - diagnosed CRPS L knee
Dec 2011 - MRI R knee, PFOA is worse than L!
June 2012 - no surgery 'til TKR's
Nov 2012 - CRPS spread to L foot/thigh, increasing pain
- Worsening pain/symptoms R knee
;-)

Offline JTB

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Re: Lost, Depressed - need help
« Reply #48 on: October 20, 2012, 02:01:27 AM »
Hey Thommo,

Have just sped through your posts-
                                                      Good luck
« Last Edit: December 13, 2012, 03:11:23 PM by JTB »
Bike racer electing sport-med scope Jan 2011 for patella catch: shave patella, MFC and trochlea (with sneaky lateral release) Grade 3 findings. @ 1 year, CRPS, pain inhibition, muscle atrophy, osteopenia, sudden bilateral chondromalacia. in free-fall 2 1/2 years.
Today on Strava riding well.

Offline thommo404

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Re: Lost, Depressed - need help
« Reply #49 on: October 20, 2012, 10:50:44 AM »
Hi JTB,

You are not offending at all or wasting my time.  I get a certain amount of pleasure hearing other out there in a similar position.  And I hope that doesn't sound bad but good to know it is not weird to feel the way I do.

Yep I definitely agree that no-one really understands what it is like to go from those sorts of training numbers to nothing.  I have a few medical people stop and say gee that is a real change from 20hrs a week training to nothing but I still don't think they really get it.

I will have a look at that supplement and may give it a try.  As far as the bike goes I still haven't got the ROM to ride as yet.  So unfortunately I can't even do that.

Thanks for the advice.  WIll keep you all updated after my second opinion on Thursday.

Offline JTB

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Re: Lost, Depressed - need help
« Reply #50 on: October 20, 2012, 03:38:54 PM »
Thommo,


                             Look forward to reading about your doc visit.
« Last Edit: December 13, 2012, 03:09:35 PM by JTB »
Bike racer electing sport-med scope Jan 2011 for patella catch: shave patella, MFC and trochlea (with sneaky lateral release) Grade 3 findings. @ 1 year, CRPS, pain inhibition, muscle atrophy, osteopenia, sudden bilateral chondromalacia. in free-fall 2 1/2 years.
Today on Strava riding well.

Offline thommo404

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Re: Lost, Depressed - need help
« Reply #51 on: October 21, 2012, 03:13:38 AM »
Thanks JTB. 

Yeah I can't wait till I get that bit further on.  Even raising the seat at the moment wouldn't quite do it for me just yet.

I am going to give the collagen a try and see how it goes.  Just want to get this visit done.  But the worst part is I go to every appointment thinking I am going to get an answer but never seem to so am really hoping I do.

I have no problem having more surgery as long as they say it will work and it is not just a fishing expedition where they say this may work but we are not sure.

Cheers,

thommo

Offline Brambledog

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Re: Lost, Depressed - need help
« Reply #52 on: October 21, 2012, 10:01:58 AM »
Hi Thommo,

Sadly, a lot of surgeons these days work on percentages and will rarely give you that kind of promise - and tbh if they did they would be lying! There are so many variables, and every knee is different... All you can do is ask how confident they are, how many times they've done that specific surgery and how successful it is, what kind of aftercare will you get, how long is recovery time at best and worst, etc. Questions questions  ::)

The search for an answer, confident and correct, is what a lot of KGs want. Personally, I've been given assertions in the past by a doc who seemed to know what he was talking about - and then were proved completely wrong. I try not to get hung up on that one now... Now, i ask questions, do my own research, and listen to my own intuition. Of course I don't know everything, and I'm not a surgeon  :o but it does help to protect you a bit - they don't know everything either!

All the best,

Brams  ;)
2009 - diagnosed coeliac
Aug 2011 - L knee arthroscopy
Aug 2011 - diagnosed PF arthritis L knee
Nov 2011 - diagnosed CRPS L knee
Dec 2011 - MRI R knee, PFOA is worse than L!
June 2012 - no surgery 'til TKR's
Nov 2012 - CRPS spread to L foot/thigh, increasing pain
- Worsening pain/symptoms R knee
;-)

Offline JTB

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Re: Lost, Depressed - need help
« Reply #53 on: October 21, 2012, 04:42:13 PM »
Hi Thommo,

Bramble has a lot of sage advice.

                       Good luck at the docs, hope you get good news and a sense of moving in the right direction. least.                                       
« Last Edit: December 13, 2012, 03:08:37 PM by JTB »
Bike racer electing sport-med scope Jan 2011 for patella catch: shave patella, MFC and trochlea (with sneaky lateral release) Grade 3 findings. @ 1 year, CRPS, pain inhibition, muscle atrophy, osteopenia, sudden bilateral chondromalacia. in free-fall 2 1/2 years.
Today on Strava riding well.

Offline thommo404

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Re: Lost, Depressed - need help
« Reply #54 on: October 25, 2012, 07:12:38 AM »
Well I had my appointment today with the other surgeon.  That was at 11am.  It is now 5pm and I am so sore.  He was quite thorough(read) rough in his assessment.  He looked at everything and I know he was doing the manual tests that he had to do on my knee but gee it hurt. 

He is also thinking the original repair on the MPFL is too tight.  He said he has seen it where the original graft can shrink after surgery and if that is the case it will have to be re done.  The other thought is that one of the screws may have screwed itself in a little more and tightened the graft after surgery.

So he wants me to have a CT scan at different degrees 0, 15, 30 & 60 degrees to have a look at it.  That is fine but can't get back in till 3rd Dec.  So another  5.5 weeks to wait.  I really just want to walk away from it all and forget about it.  I really don't know if I can keep going with it all.  The knee that is.


Cheers,

thommo

Offline Brambledog

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Re: Lost, Depressed - need help
« Reply #55 on: October 25, 2012, 10:45:02 AM »
Hi thommo,

Well, it's a plan, which is what you needed. :) Better that your surgeon wants to do the CT scan and be sure than just delve into your poor knee on a fishing expedition.... :( I know the wait is the soul-destroying bit, but you CAN get through it and you will. One day at a time.

I'm not trying to make out you're lucky in any way, but I'd give my right arm for a plan and solution!  ;D

Sorry your knee is so unhappy after the examination....always pours salt into the wound... :-\

Gosh I'm a bit emoticon-happy today, better stop before I use them all.

Had a horrific night last night myself for no particular reason, my whole leg was extremely painful, both feet burnt, it was pretty miserable. My poor husband got home tired after work and training, and I just fell apart there and then. My youngest had a friend round as well, and she walked in and saw me sobbing on his shoulder. I suppose it was funny, looking back now, but at the time I couldn't appreciate it - she came in with her friend behind her, saw me, turned abruptly and turned her friend by her shoulders to face the other way, and just pushed her out! I did feel bad afterwards, but she seemed fine later on.... Oh well.

Take care of yourself Thommo. This too will end. Have faith in yourself, you're stronger than you think, and we're here for you to vent at. Bring it on - we can cope!  8)

Brams  ;)
2009 - diagnosed coeliac
Aug 2011 - L knee arthroscopy
Aug 2011 - diagnosed PF arthritis L knee
Nov 2011 - diagnosed CRPS L knee
Dec 2011 - MRI R knee, PFOA is worse than L!
June 2012 - no surgery 'til TKR's
Nov 2012 - CRPS spread to L foot/thigh, increasing pain
- Worsening pain/symptoms R knee
;-)

Offline Lottiefox

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Re: Lost, Depressed - need help
« Reply #56 on: October 25, 2012, 05:38:59 PM »
Thommo

I am glad you've seen someone who has a plan and who wants to do proper investigative scans before fishing about in your knee. It does suck to wait again for the scans but perhaps there might be a cancellation? You CAN keep going with all this - it does seem interminable at times and you do just want to wake up with a normal limb. Keep fighting, this surgeon sounds motivated to help you and thorough. Those are two big things for someone who might be going to cut on your leg again - a good indicator. As Brams says one day at a time...it is a cliche but its so true with knees.  ;) :D

You are strong, you've already shown that. Hang on in there.

Lottie

PS Brams sorry you had a horrible night.  :'(
Bilateral patella OA since 2009, no surgeries.
Euflexxa working well x3 to current
Right forefoot CRPS post fusion surgery 2011
Refusing to let the ailing parts stop me....

Offline thommo404

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Re: Lost, Depressed - need help
« Reply #57 on: November 13, 2012, 07:21:33 AM »
Well I picked up my CT results that I had last Thursday.  I don't go back to the surgeon till 3rd Dec.  Below is a copy of the report.


The left knee (injured one) when relaxed and contracted shows mild left patella lateral sublaxation which is greater at 0 degrees than at 60 degrees.  The right patellofemoral joint appears normal.  Subchondral articular surfaces bilaterally are normal.  The left femur shows post operative track within it.



Does anyone know what that means?


thommo

Offline Brambledog

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Re: Lost, Depressed - need help
« Reply #58 on: November 13, 2012, 09:36:08 AM »
 
Hi Thommo,

It's always fun when there's such a wait between report and surgeons appt... ::) I would interpret it as follows:

"Mild left patella lateral subluxation" - left patella is your kneecap, lateral means towards the outside of your knee (ie not towards the other knee when stood together), subluxation means the kneecap is moving out of its proper track to some extent. But they do say "mild" so it is a very minor movement beyond what it should be. Subluxation is improper tracking, not dislocation (which means the patella has left the groove and not gone back).
"greater at 0 degrees than at 60 degrees" - this is referring to how bent your leg is. 0 degrees is when your leg is straight, 90 degrees is when it is at right angles, as when sat in an upright chair.
So the report is saying that your patella is slightly further out of its rightful track when your knee is straight, than when it is bent. This is important info for you surgeon, when deciding what surgical stuff he could do to improve things (and indeed whether he SHOULD!). Subluxation is normally first treated by physical therapy exercises to straighten the thigh muscles to hold the patella in its proper place as your knee bends.

"The right patellofemoral joint appears normal" - good! Your right kneecap tracks as it should, and your cartilage etc looks normal.

"Subchondral articular surfaces bilaterally are normal" - Subchondral articular surfaces means the tissues below the cartilage (which is the smooth white gliding surface covering the end sof your bones where they come together to form a joint). Bilaterally means both knees. All good.

"Left femur shows post-operative track within it" - Hmm. Not sure on this. I suspect it means that your thigh bone is showing a mark from where your surgeon operated before. Can't find any reference to it online I'm afraid. I don't think this is anything major.

So your left kneecap is moving out of track a bit. I would expect your surgeon to propose a course of PT to specifically strengthen your IT band (hope I've got that one right!) to help hold your kneecap in it's groove more securely. You'll need to avoid squatting too far, especially if you're carrying anything, and not over-bending your knee (normal range should be ok). Go careful until you can see a physio and get a proper analysis though!

Hope this helps. How are you doing otherwise? How is life treating you now? ;) Hope things are a bit better and you are getting some good days in amidst the pain and anxiety of wondering what's going on...

Take care of yourself,

Brams  ;)
2009 - diagnosed coeliac
Aug 2011 - L knee arthroscopy
Aug 2011 - diagnosed PF arthritis L knee
Nov 2011 - diagnosed CRPS L knee
Dec 2011 - MRI R knee, PFOA is worse than L!
June 2012 - no surgery 'til TKR's
Nov 2012 - CRPS spread to L foot/thigh, increasing pain
- Worsening pain/symptoms R knee
;-)

Offline thommo404

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Re: Lost, Depressed - need help
« Reply #59 on: November 13, 2012, 10:26:32 AM »
Thanks Brams.

My question would be why after a MPFL recon is it still sublaxing to the outside.  I thought the MPFL was to keep it centred and not let it sublax.  Also I was at the point where I was ready to start running again when this pain started back in March.  So I had quite good muscle strength and flexibility.  So what else can be done other then more PT?



thommo















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