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Offline aaa

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:(
« on: June 06, 2012, 03:55:02 AM »
I lost a good friend today.  He took his own life after years of knee problems.

I'm shocked, I couldn't believe it was true.  I feel utterly powerless and helpless, nobody can bring him back.

The pain left behind for his parents, family, and friends will not end, will it?   My mind has been running all day in circles, I can't think straight.

If there is anyone out there even thinking about suicide, please get help.  It is not the answer.  There is always hope, and with hardship comes ease.

Don't ever believe that nobody cares about you, even if you're alone.  No matter how bad things get, please hang on and have Faith.

Offline Lottiefox

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Re: :(
« Reply #1 on: June 06, 2012, 02:14:42 PM »
Oh my goodness yb, that is truly sad to read. I really feel for you and everyone left behind, and also for your friend to have felt as though that were the only way out. Not a lot I can say because as you say, nothing can bring him back. But I am truly sorry for your loss and for the sadness the family will live with. As you say, seek help if you feel life is not worth living. Someone always cares about you being here.

take care of yourself through this,

Lottie x
Bilateral patella OA since 2009, no surgeries.
Euflexxa working well x3 to current
Right forefoot CRPS post fusion surgery 2011
Refusing to let the ailing parts stop me....

Offline dm

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Re: :(
« Reply #2 on: June 07, 2012, 08:20:52 AM »
I'm saddened for your loss, that your friend felt that the end to his pain was the ultimate end.

This is why it's so important to realize that chronic pain can cause depression, even if you don't have a history of such things in your family. It's not shameful to seek help, and yes, even take an anti-depressant, to help cope with being in pain all the time. It's not a normal state of affairs, as many of us can attest to dealing with.

And no, I can also say that coping by using alcohol doesn't help either, having watched a family member fight with that addiction my entire life.

Please, if you can't talk to a friend, join a chat group and talk to a stranger - talk to someone! That's the wonderful thing about groups like this, as many of us will attest, we can all tell stories of chatting with those on here we've met who find someone here that "understands" them when they find no one else who "gets" what they're going through. It doesn't have to be knee-stuff, we all have other things in life where the same thing applies, there are hundreds if not thousands of message boards like this where you can find someone who "understands" about whatever that particular chaos is in your life. Please, find one and ask for help!
multiple arthroscopies 2/00,3/01,6/01,1/03, 12/07,10/10. chondromalacia, severe medial joint space narrowing following 3 partial menisectomies, chronic pain problems, kneecap problems, OCD lesion, failed mfx.

Offline LKnees

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Re: :(
« Reply #3 on: June 07, 2012, 09:43:08 AM »
There's so much I wish I could say to him. I guess the pain was too much and he lost all hope. But suicide should never have been the answer. To think that his doctor that caused all that pain is out there alive and probably happy, not thinking about the consequences of his actions. It makes me sick.

Offline aaa

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Re: :(
« Reply #4 on: June 07, 2012, 02:29:32 PM »
Thanks all for your thoughts, prayers, and condolences.  It is hard to accept, and I just can't even imagine what this is like for his parents, I don't know that they will ever have any sense of closure.

God give us the strength to accept what we can't change.

Offline knee2no

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Re: :(
« Reply #5 on: June 09, 2012, 04:12:23 PM »
To think that his doctor that caused all that pain is out there alive and probably happy, not thinking about the consequences of his actions. It makes me sick.

Who said any doctor caused this?  He just said after years of knee problems..no mention of this due to any doctor.  Dont try to create drama where there is none.
I will remember that there is art to medicine as well as science, and that warmth, sympathy, and understanding may outweigh the surgeon's knife or the chemist's drug.

I will not be ashamed to say "I know not", nor will I fail to call in my colleagues when the skills of another are needed.

Offline LKnees

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Re: :(
« Reply #6 on: June 10, 2012, 01:12:43 AM »
Actually I was also friends with him. I wasn't making any assumptions and I'd appreciate if you'd do the same. It's a horrible situation and a doctor did cause it.
« Last Edit: June 10, 2012, 01:14:41 AM by lisa424 »

Offline kneepaincure

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Re: :(
« Reply #7 on: June 10, 2012, 06:13:53 PM »
yb - That is a horrible tragedy. I think many of us here can attest to the fact that dealing with the depression brought on by knee problems, pain and limited mobility is very difficult to deal with. I am sorry for your loss and for his family and friends. Wish you lots of strength in the days ahead.

knee2no- Seriously dude? 'Drama'? Many people here have narrowly escaped being crippled by overzealous/inexperienced surgeons and others have not been so lucky. It would be better if you tried to think of both sides of a situation before throwing accusations at other posters.
Have had tilted kneecaps for many years, and occasional patellar tendinitis.

Offline captainruss

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Re: :(
« Reply #8 on: June 11, 2012, 02:20:09 AM »
Not to pile on but here I go piling on.....Knee2no you really don't have a clue.  I have thought many a day of what I would do to the three OS's who all diagnosed me incorrectly and now that they are afraid I might file a MP suit because they removed a healthy joint for absolutely no reason, they say they can do nothing for me.

I have taken my gorgeous (looks like her mama) 14 year old doctor to 5 doctors so far and only one (1) has come close.  The first two suggest a minimally invasive LR which would have ruined her for life with your mal-alignment and subluxing.  I told the second one how very lucky he was that I went thru 8 worthless TKR's and have been blessed by the education and support I receive on this blog every day (bowing in the knee guru's general direction) because if they did to my baby what they did to me over the past three (3) years I would guarantee you several doctors to be nameless who would have been given an all expenses paid trip in a crab trap without a buoy in the middle of the Gulf of Mexico.

Please don't be cruel or show a lack of empathy.  My wife deems me (she is my toughest critic) that I am the strongest man she has ever met and I would have considered pulling the pin and seeing what came next if not for my wife, my three wonderful children, my dog, and my fellow KG's.

If you don't have something good to say....don't say anything.

Russ
80 Shattered patella 5 surg
09  TKR 
09  MUA
09  MUA
09  Knee infected??
10  TKR  Scar Tissue
10  2nd OS  Diagnosis Infection
10  TKR with antibiotic spacer, no joint
4/11  TKR
11  TKR PT
11  TKR
11  TKR  AF diagosis
12/11  HO diagnosed
2012  Intractable Pain
2012  OS split
amputation possible?

Offline captainruss

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Re: :(
« Reply #9 on: June 11, 2012, 02:27:34 AM »
Yb,

If we can do anything...send a note or a card to the parents.  I have dealt twice before with family members who have attempted to commit suicide.  Fortunately on all three occasions with both individuals (one tried twice) they were not successful, but the pain they feel is not easily diminished and it is a daily struggle just as addiction or intractable pain can be.  The constant accrual of pain and depression can make anyone feel they have no hope.

I am not suicidal, but I am sure I would not fight the pain the way I do with trying to be active if not for those around me who count on me.

If there is anything I/we can do, please let me know.  If nothing else, a card from a friend.

Russ
80 Shattered patella 5 surg
09  TKR 
09  MUA
09  MUA
09  Knee infected??
10  TKR  Scar Tissue
10  2nd OS  Diagnosis Infection
10  TKR with antibiotic spacer, no joint
4/11  TKR
11  TKR PT
11  TKR
11  TKR  AF diagosis
12/11  HO diagnosed
2012  Intractable Pain
2012  OS split
amputation possible?

Offline knee2no

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Re: :(
« Reply #10 on: June 12, 2012, 01:05:54 AM »
Quote
Not to pile on but here I go piling on.....Knee2no you really don't have a clue.  I have thought many a day of what I would do to the three OS's who all diagnosed me incorrectly and now that they are afraid I might file a MP suit because they removed a healthy joint for absolutely no reason, they say they can do nothing for me.

If you read YB original post he says NOTHING ABOUT A DOCTOR CAUSING THIS.  I responded to 2nd poster who said "doctors are horrible".  UNBEKNOWNST TO ME, she was aware of circumstances I WAS NOT AWARE OF nor was this stated by YB.

I have since been told problems were made worse by surgery.  Horrible situation.

"Years of knee problems" are not always due to a doctors knife.  Sorry Russ if you have had bad experience but I do believe you tend to scare many with your personal stories.  You are not the "norm".  I do not believe most doctors are out to ruin lives.  That has not been my experience.  I wish us all with knee problems complete healing.  Your resorting to name calling is not following your own advice  of "if you dont have something good to say , say nothing at all."
I will remember that there is art to medicine as well as science, and that warmth, sympathy, and understanding may outweigh the surgeon's knife or the chemist's drug.

I will not be ashamed to say "I know not", nor will I fail to call in my colleagues when the skills of another are needed.

Offline LKnees

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Re: :(
« Reply #11 on: June 12, 2012, 02:19:56 AM »
I never said all doctors are horrible, just that one was. I don't believe these bad surgeons are out to ruin lives but many of them are inexperienced, unskilled, or just outdated. Then there are those who do surgery for the paycheck even when there are nonsurgical alternatives.
I'm really not sure why you felt the need to start trouble with your accusations.  But everyone is entitled to share their experiences good or bad because there are plenty of people that can relate to both sides. It's always better to be made aware of the possible risks and complications of surgery.

Offline allyd

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Re: :(
« Reply #12 on: June 12, 2012, 02:21:46 AM »
This is a situation where there are a lot of questions and few answers. It's unfortunate. It may be best to leave any personal differences for another topic.  

Thoughts are definitely with you YB and any others who knew the individual.
04/09 RK - Dislocated Patella & Grade III MCL Tear
06/10 RK - Re-Dislocation Patella
09/11 RK - MPFLr + Lateral Lengthening

Offline kneepaincure

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Re: :(
« Reply #13 on: June 12, 2012, 07:05:49 AM »
Sorry allyd, but I can't stay silent after reading knee2no's latest post.

@knee2no- Ever felt grief at the tragedy of a close friend taking their own life? Well if you haven't then here's a news flash - sometimes when dealing with grief people say things that they don't really mean, just because they are in the moment of dealing with the pain. So when Lisa said that a doctor was the one of the gears that set off this poor person in the cycle of pain, well she was sad about it and was trying to express it. Also, nowhere have I read the words 'doctors are horrible', or any name-calling directed towards you. If you would like to rant about doctors being unfairly portrayed, please start your own thread in this section, but please don't start accusing others of things that they didn't say.

Wish you strength Lisa...
Have had tilted kneecaps for many years, and occasional patellar tendinitis.

Offline The KNEEguru

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Re: :(
« Reply #14 on: June 12, 2012, 10:50:27 AM »
We have had several people on this forum over the years who have felt suicidal with their knee problems. Not all of them can have their knee problems corrected, but we can offer emotional support both to those suffering from knee-related despair and also to those who have been left behind after a loss.

The suicide of someone close to you is, and I talk from experience, devastating. It is a natural impulse to look for someone or something to blame, or to take on the guilt yourself. But please, everyone, keep this thread in support of the OP (original poster) and do not start flaming one another.





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