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Author Topic: Knee pain - the third party in my relationship...  (Read 12459 times)

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Offline Brambledog

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Re: Knee pain - the third party in my relationship...
« Reply #30 on: September 24, 2011, 09:39:42 PM »
You're so right Wonkey! Our last break away in august I felt like I was dictating so much in terms of where we went and for how long - I couldn't be too far from a seat where I could put my knee up, I couldn't walk very far at all, I couldn't walk anywhere involving much in then way of steps... My family were great, but I just felt so bad for them all. They still had a great time, mainly because I sort of kept to the outside of things and kept saying reassuring things like 'I'll be fine, you carry on and don't worry about me', 'it's ok, I'll just sit here and enjoy the view while you go on the rocks' etc. All I really wanted was to be one of them, running in the surf, clambering about and chasing each other around screaming... (husband screamed loudest of all at times  ;D ). Only last summer, I was in the sea on a body board with the sun dazzling on the sea, the roar of the waves and that cool tang of salt water... Seems like a lifetime ago now  ::)

I tell you what, if I am ever able to run, swim, climb, scramble or anything else I can't do now, I am going to make the most of every MINUTE of it!  :D

Gives you something to focus on when doing those exercises for the umpteenth time...

Brams x  ;)
2009 - diagnosed coeliac
Aug 2011 - L knee arthroscopy
Aug 2011 - diagnosed PF arthritis L knee
Nov 2011 - diagnosed CRPS L knee
Dec 2011 - MRI R knee, PFOA is worse than L!
June 2012 - no surgery 'til TKR's
Nov 2012 - CRPS spread to L foot/thigh, increasing pain
- Worsening pain/symptoms R knee
;-)

Offline elliottl73

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Re: Knee pain - the third party in my relationship...
« Reply #31 on: September 25, 2011, 04:35:27 PM »
  This is the first year we haven't taken the family to the beach :'(.  I am looking forward to next year.
My husband and I did take a long weekend to the mountains of Tennessee which we enjoyed.  We walked right by a bear in the hotel parking lot and didn't even realize it til it was pointed out to us.  This was back when we thought I was recovering not waiting foe the next op LOL.  I did push myself a little and we walked a lot but slowly and spent each night swollen and in  nice cool swimming pool.
 This was alsos the first time we left our daughter at home alone after her 18th birthday ??? It worked out well over all but looking forward to a real full speed ahead kind of vacation.

Here is to better knees,
Laurie :)
9/2010 fell broke nose and injured L knee
10/2010 MRI  negetive
1/21/2011 diagnostic arhtroscopy woke up with MFX
8/11/2011 new MRI showed failed MFX
9/1/2011 Biopsy for carticel
11/1/2011 ACI
5/31/12 scope and microfracture again 1/2 ACI failed
9/2/12 Scheduled OATS,Osteotomy
 
Laurie

Offline Brambledog

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Re: Knee pain - the third party in my relationship...
« Reply #32 on: February 19, 2012, 11:08:57 PM »
Hey world of knees,

Just had valentines......my husband got me a book  ::) and didn't organise anything (home or out!) because, and I quote...

"I didn't know how you would be feeling with your knees and everything..."

Now, bless him, he's a good chap and all that, but I really REALLY could have done with having some positive attention and feeling just a touch special. I was really looking forward to having an excuse to go out for a drink!!!

Duh!

Brams  ;)
2009 - diagnosed coeliac
Aug 2011 - L knee arthroscopy
Aug 2011 - diagnosed PF arthritis L knee
Nov 2011 - diagnosed CRPS L knee
Dec 2011 - MRI R knee, PFOA is worse than L!
June 2012 - no surgery 'til TKR's
Nov 2012 - CRPS spread to L foot/thigh, increasing pain
- Worsening pain/symptoms R knee
;-)

Offline captainruss

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Re: Knee pain - the third party in my relationship...
« Reply #33 on: February 20, 2012, 12:02:39 AM »
Wow...I thought I was the only one struggling with the home life.  I went from being the bread winner for the past 21 years of our marriage.  We have three teenagers who we home school and are in college with dual enrollment.  I have so many days when I just want to stay in bed with the ice machine and pills to knock me out so the pain goes away.  My wife is a gorgeous taekwondo instructor!  Needless to say, she is in great shape.  She went to work full time right after my first surgery went bad.  She is working full time with all the overtime she can get and going to college full time.  If anything, I wish I had started taking college classes when my knee went bad 2 years ago.  I have been helping with her classes, but this semester I am taking classes.  I understand what you mean when you tell how much you previously were able to do...I used to scuba dive with my kids...take them out the jet skis and the boat.  I sold all that stuff when my 401k ran out.  I make dinner every night and try to keep the house clean.  It is very tough with a walker.  I can't sleep...so most nights I don't sleep but try to get four hours when she goes to work.  Every time I get out of bed...she wakes up.  Or I take ambien and start sleep walking and she has to bring me back to bed....or I get up on the ambien and fall because I am basically out....she has to get me up from the floor screaming...   If you get a chance to look at missmyknee's blog on this site, she has a handbook for "intractable pain".  If you are in pain, they need to give you more or different medication.  They can't take it all away, but I take enough so I can force myself to drive.  I take the kids to Civil Air Patrol, Church Youth Group, College, Universal Studios.  I took them to Universal last Friday....my knee was huge and just screaming in pain when we got home...but my kids don't have a social life unless I take them.

We argue nearly every day because I have made her coffee every morning since the first day we lived together.  I still do it most days...but tough carrying the coffee with a walker...I make her lunch for work and again we argue because she wants me to take it easy.  She does not understand about the pain..or that the oxycontin makes me a grouchy butt head.  I get so frustrated and feel rage that I cannot do more.....I have been out of work for 2 years now and my OS said after 8 major surgeries there is nothing more he thinks he can do for me...he is my 3rd OS in 2 years..I have put on 40 pounds or more due to laying around...I was working 70 hours a week before the TKR driving boats.  It was a good living.  My wife took care of our kids and home schooled them.  She also taught taekwondo and worked with handicapped children.  Now she has no time for that with her full time job, overtime, and college.

I just sold my gun collection as two of my kids need braces.  My son is 16....on his 4th semester of full time college and I can't wait any longer to get him braces.  It is so hard...as my kids never complain.  If I can't afford something or I hurt so bad I can't do something the don't throw a fit or complain.  That just makes it harder.   I understand about the wife.  I have had multiple back surgeries and both shoulders...so I am in so much pain or on so much medication that I don't feel like fooling around at all.  I have a beautiful wife who deserves more.  They told me six weeks after the first TKR I would be good for another 10 years.

Now the only avenue I think I have left is an above the knee amputation.  I would at least be able to go to work.  No one will hire me with walker or not walking.  If you have a prosthetic a company will get tax breaks and government grants to hire me.  My wife is very much against amputation.  I think she is afraid it will creep her out.

Soooooooo...I am at 2 years...without knee geeks I have no one who has any frame of reference.  The pain is so bad I probably would not fight it if it wasn't for my kids counting on me to get them through college.  I know my wife did not sign on for this drama.  I was on a telephone pole in 1989 when it broke.  I had multiple back and shoulder surgeries and she put up with all of that.  I was only out of work 2 months when that went down. 

You indicated you cannot afford therapy.  I talk to my minister twice a week....you can go to the County Health Department in most areas and get counseling.  I understand, most of the therapists are $200 an hour cash and don't take Blue Cross because they have enough patients who pay cash.  My OS fiancee'/CEO Partner is a Psychology major and I am trying to get her to talk to me.  She teaches Psychology and going for her PHD so she can start treating people.  I don't have any answers and my minister is killing me with this God has a plan for you my son.....If I hear that one more time I swear I am going to throw myself on the floor and having an absolute screaming hissy fit.....just not in front of the wife...she thinks I am handling it well.  I apologize for the big long diatribe....just laying her with ice packs on the knee elevated trying to get the swelling down enough to take the wife out.  We haven't been out in weeks.  I try to take her to the pub at the end of our street...hobble around and play a couple of games of pool....have a couple of beers...  Last time we went some guy asked if she wanted a whole man to go home with.....I about lost it.  I kept my mouth shut and just kept playing...but it is so hard.

I hope no one calls the guys in white coats....I am not ready for the funny farm yet...but I am getting closer every minute.  I am so thankful for this site or I would probably have lost it by now.  Everybody try to have a good night....know that others are out here with similar problems....and although we may not have answers...we all have questions.

Russ
80 Shattered patella 5 surg
09  TKR 
09  MUA
09  MUA
09  Knee infected??
10  TKR  Scar Tissue
10  2nd OS  Diagnosis Infection
10  TKR with antibiotic spacer, no joint
4/11  TKR
11  TKR PT
11  TKR
11  TKR  AF diagosis
12/11  HO diagnosed
2012  Intractable Pain
2012  OS split
amputation possible?

Offline Brambledog

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Re: Knee pain - the third party in my relationship...
« Reply #34 on: February 20, 2012, 11:46:33 AM »
Hi Russ,

I'm speechless at all you have gone through and continue to suffer. I totally understand your frustration with everything, it must be terrible to go from being an active full-time worker to being dependent on your wife and unable to do anything very much without pain.

I can't tell you it's going to get better, but you obviously have great inner strength and you must hang on to that and keep fighting as you are. Your wife must be finding it difficult to cope, but she clearly loves you and realises how hard this is for you. Unfortunately no one can be sympathetic and understanding all the time, and she understandably has moments where her frustrations show.

It's really important that you explain how you're feeling to your wife. Not every day, but now and then she needs to hear how you feel so that this disability of yours doesn't begin to affect your marriage and come between you. Sometimes I talk to my husband and explain my frustrations, and it usually helps us get closer again if that gap is widening. It helps him to know that I feel so guilty, and that I'm trying my best to get things done.

This is the worst side-effect of knee (or other!) pain I think. You feel bad that you can't do more, and see your partner having to do too much, so you feel guilty, and you feel that you can't say anything because it's all your fault and you can't load any more problems onto them.....it's a vicious circle.

I really hope you can find some relief from your pain, and that things get easier soon. You and your wife obviously love each other - don't forget that marriage is a 'for better for worse' lifetime commitment that you both made. You can get through this, you are both the same people you were when you met, it's just that some very unfair and difficult things have happened to shake your life up.

Sorry if I've been preachy  ::). I'm no counsellor nor expert! I also don't believe. That actually makes things easier to accept and get on with. I respect those who have a faith that brings them comfort, but I find it terribly cruel when people suffering life-changing pain and disability try and deal with the 'God has a plan' idea. There is no REASON you are having to deal with this. It has just happened, and you have to deal with it. Other people have even worse to deal with. It's not fair by any means, but the world is chaotic and this kind of crap just happens.

I'll be thinking of you, and hope your situation improves very soon. Stay strong.

Brams  ;)
2009 - diagnosed coeliac
Aug 2011 - L knee arthroscopy
Aug 2011 - diagnosed PF arthritis L knee
Nov 2011 - diagnosed CRPS L knee
Dec 2011 - MRI R knee, PFOA is worse than L!
June 2012 - no surgery 'til TKR's
Nov 2012 - CRPS spread to L foot/thigh, increasing pain
- Worsening pain/symptoms R knee
;-)

Offline LindaM

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Re: Knee pain - the third party in my relationship...
« Reply #35 on: February 21, 2012, 12:09:08 AM »
Hey there Russ,

Your really worried me with your talk of amputation.  I hope it was just a way to express your frustration, because amputation isn't such a picnic.  My friend's husband lost his arm in and accident and has suffered from phantom limb pain for 12 years.  He is unable to  wear a prosthetic arm because of the pain.  Your knee may be painful, but at least it is still usable.  I know you trust your OS, but have you ever considered checking with a local medical school to see if there are other possibilities out there?  What about local pain clinics?

You spoke about using a walker.  Is it really much more difficult for your shoulders to use crutches?  At least it might give your back some relief if you can stand up straighter.   I have been on crutches since the beginning of January because it got too hard to be on my feet all day with my knee so bad before surgery.  Now that I am two and a half weeks post surgery I am still using them for distances.(and bonus-the crutches have been my mini-weightlifting and I have without trying lost over 20 pounds since Christmas)  With several bad discs I could never survive a walker for that long.  And in 2008 when I had a tendon transfer in my ankle I spent the final month of the school year teaching in a wheelchair.  Its not something I would want to do again for fun, but at least I was mobile and independent. Have you ever considered using one for distances like taking the kids to universal? 

Your wife sounds like my terrific husband, trying to shield me from pain even when I can do things for myself.  My husband doesn't know when I am in pain or not, and as a result overprotects me.  He doesn't understand that there are levels of pain that can be tolerated and some activities that I enjoy doing that are worth doing even if they are painful. I just have to keep reminding him that I am not helpless, I just have pain.  You didn't resent your wife staying home with the kids when you were working, don't beat yourself up for being the one to hold down the fort at home now.

I am really glad to hear you are taking classes.  Am I right in assuming that the classes are to prepare you for a new career?  I hope so, I hope you are continuing to look to a better future and a new opportunity to be the breadwinner.  I hope you have chosen to study something that so completely absorbs your attention that you can push the pain aside for a while.  Is there a pool there that you can use since you are a student ?  Walking in the water might help lower the swelling and might give you some exercise with less pain.

Maybe you have tried everything I mentioned, if so, forgive me for running on.  Just know that someone else understands and wishes you well. 

Linda

>20 yrs. osteo and inflammatory arthritis, fibromyalgia
meniscus repair Sept. 2009
right PKR June 2010
left PKR Feb. 2012

Offline captainruss

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Re: Knee pain - the third party in my relationship...
« Reply #36 on: February 21, 2012, 02:06:47 AM »
Linda,

It is wonderful talking with people who know what it is like and don't have pity on you.  I am trying to get in a pool.  I did not think crutches would be less stressful on my shoulders, but you are probably correct they would help my back.  You might laugh, but both my wife and I are studying prosthetics.  She works at the VA Hospital and started taking classes a year ago.  She wanted an area of health care where she did not have to do some of the personal hygiene procedures.  The VA she works at is the only hospital in Florida that has an internship for prosthetics and the college we are attending is the only school in Florida offering a 4 year degree.  I spent the last 2 semesters helping her with her courses because she is working full time.  So, we are working towards our 2 year Engineering degrees and then we have 2 more years for a prosthetics degree.  We both volunteer at the VA and enjoy helping the vets out any way we can so until I can get back to work, I am taking full time classes.

I am serious about the amputation.  If my wife was not having trouble with it, I would be proceeding faster.  I have been to a total of eight (8) OS either doing surgery or diagnosing me.  All have stated they can do no more for me.  Yes, I do have my leg but it is not that great.  I have severe knee pain when I put weight bearing on the knee.  I understand my wife is doing what I have done by working and providing for the family.  We have always been close and worked together in the partnership that we have.  I just feel if I amputate the leg, it will be very painful and a huge adjustment, but I will start to heal the next day.  Every day i sit or lay around and feel the bone and scar tissue growing in my knee.  It is getting bigger, the swelling increases in my ankles and lower legs...even in my good leg.  I was worried that I am not strong enough at 48 to walk in a prosthetic.  The doctors say it takes 70 percent more energy to walk than with a real leg.  I then found OSSUR.com who builds prosthetic legs with motorized knee and ankle.  It is awesome and I am trying to find more answers. 

Part of me wants to hold out.....I was able to gather all of my courage....a couple of lidocane patches...a couple of fetanyl patches...and a couple 3 or 4 oxycontins and took my wife dancing.  We only stayed out less than 4 hours, but had a great time playing the juke box, shooting a couple of games of pool, having a couple of beers.  I made it home and we got in bed.  Thankfully she fell asleep almost immediately and I was able to get up and pile on my ice packs and fire up the polar cooler.  It was a very long and painful night, but I was able to suffer through it!  I made her coffee in the morning as I have for more than 20 years and things are good.  I just don't know how long I can keep this going.

I have a cousin who has cancer.  He was supposed to have passed before Christmas 2 years ago.  He is still fighting, but he has a colostomy bag, stays in a chair all day, and has had several operations, chemo, radiation....etc.  He has teenage kids like I do.  They have lost their hair salon that my cousin ran and the liquor store he used to operate.  They are living on what the family can basically send them and less than $1000 a month in disability.  Penny and Rick were married before my wife and I and they have a very similar relationship.  They are very close but I really would think the stress he puts on her is overwhelming.  She has to take care of him 24 hours a day and it is not good.  I know he is holding on...but I just can't believe I would want my wife and kids to remember me like that.  I feel really bad for them, but he is going to leave her physically, mentally, financially and spiritually bankrupt.

I really feel like I should not complain when I know what they are going through.  I guess that is why I push so hard to do things with my kids and take the wife out like last night.  If I get to the point I am just a burden, I would have to think it would be better to see what comes next.  Fortunately I have an appointment with Dr. Noyes in Cincinnati Ohio the end of this month if I can scrape up the cash to get there.  I am trying to see a doctor at the University of South Florida, and I am also trying to see a specialist at Florida Mayo, but they are 3-6 months for appointments. 

I see so many people hurting on this site and those who have had a decade of surgery and still are fighting AF.  I can't believe no one is working on this problem around the clock.  It must be that there is such a small number of us.  I am really trying to find a way to explain to doctors that I can't put 3 kids through college and spend my golden years chasing my cute wife around the Pacific without being able to work.  I don't know what planet they are on, but I find it impossible that they want me to go home and "live with it."  Who is going to support my tail?  Disability is a joke.  I can't support my 16 year old son's love life on disability!!  Fortunately, my family do not require expensive things, but it is not fair that my kids are having to grow up missing things I would like them to do.

I guess I am going to stop whining for the night.  I do so appreciate the opportunity to blather on about the crazy thoughts running around in my atrophied brain!  I hope you have a good week and look forward to someone's good news.

Russ
80 Shattered patella 5 surg
09  TKR 
09  MUA
09  MUA
09  Knee infected??
10  TKR  Scar Tissue
10  2nd OS  Diagnosis Infection
10  TKR with antibiotic spacer, no joint
4/11  TKR
11  TKR PT
11  TKR
11  TKR  AF diagosis
12/11  HO diagnosed
2012  Intractable Pain
2012  OS split
amputation possible?

Offline LindaM

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Re: Knee pain - the third party in my relationship...
« Reply #37 on: February 21, 2012, 04:58:26 PM »
Hi Russ,

What you have been telling me IS good news.  You are studying (even better with your wife) for a really great career, you areworking on your relationship with your wife, you are exploring alternatives to get help for the pain, you are concerned about your family, and you are concerned about your cousin's family as well.  You haven't fallen into a well of self-pity, you are just expressing the normal worries and frustrations that anyone in your situation would have.

It sounds as if your kids are pretty bright.  You and your wife have invested a  lot of time in bringing them up well.  They won't let you down.  When our kids were growing up, they didn't have a lot of things because both of us worked for parochial schools.  Now as adults, they don't talk about not having dance lessons, or trendy clothes, or fancy vacations.  They talk about the fun things we did together as a family.  Yes, your kids might want some things right now that they don't have (don't we all?) but what will fill their memories of childhood is how you pushed through your pain to do things with them, to take them places, to listen.  They will remember that when you couldn't work you took stock of the situation, changed directions and studied for a new career.  They know their dad has guts.

Hang in there.  You have what it takes to make it.  You are looking forward, not bogged down in mourning the past.

Linda
 
>20 yrs. osteo and inflammatory arthritis, fibromyalgia
meniscus repair Sept. 2009
right PKR June 2010
left PKR Feb. 2012

Offline captainruss

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Re: Knee pain - the third party in my relationship...
« Reply #38 on: February 22, 2012, 04:06:20 AM »
Linda,

Thank you for your kind words.  The wife and kids are why I get up every day.  I have to retain hope so the amputation is a alternative that I am exploring.  I have been examined by eight OS.  Three of those OS have done 1-4 surgeries on me.  All three including my favorite who has done my back and shoulders tell me there is nothing they can do for me.

I now have OS who I ask for an appointment and when I send them a history they are telling me they can do nothing for me before I even get examined. 

I am in no way underestimating the life changing aspects of an amputation, but must keep moving forward or I will get frustrated.  I am hoping to find someone who has underwent this procedure and can talk to me about it.  The prosthetic clinic is getting me in support groups and introducing me to people who have successfully and unsuccessfully suffered an amputation.

I am so grateful for KG!  I wish I had experienced this prior to surgery.

Russ
80 Shattered patella 5 surg
09  TKR 
09  MUA
09  MUA
09  Knee infected??
10  TKR  Scar Tissue
10  2nd OS  Diagnosis Infection
10  TKR with antibiotic spacer, no joint
4/11  TKR
11  TKR PT
11  TKR
11  TKR  AF diagosis
12/11  HO diagnosed
2012  Intractable Pain
2012  OS split
amputation possible?

Offline Brambledog

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Re: Knee pain - the third party in my relationship...
« Reply #39 on: September 22, 2012, 03:52:50 PM »
Hi everyone!

I am messaging with someone on KGs who has been talking about some of the sorts of issues with family, relationships, etc that I was thinking of when I started this thread - and it made me wonder how you are all doing now? It would be lovely to hear if you've got loads better now and things are back to normal, whether your knee problems have affected things longer-term or not, etc.

My knee is still not good, and although I am ale to do more than I was, I still can't stand for long or walk long distances, and I walk slowly.

One of the main things I've noticed is that rather than be sad about it, my kids now just automatically go to my husband for anything to do with 'active' stuff that might involve distances or speed. I can't decide whether that makes me feel better or worse! I had a meltdown the other day because I had to take my youngest to a sports activity and hadn't realised how much walking it would involve, not being able to just wander around looking for a teacher for ages, no seats panic, etc. It was awful, and because it was a last-minute thing I wasn't prepared so I had nothing I really needed like a seat, stick, etc. I ended up in tears I was in so much pain, and I felt as though I had pretended to be 'normal' again and failed utterly! Made me realise how far I have to go.... :-\

On the up, my relationship with my husband is definitely a lot better and we've got used to the way things are and talk about any issues as they come up, which seems to make It a bit easier for the poor bugger. I'm doing a bit more, but still not what I was, and my elder daughter has learnt to help more and take some of the pressure off. I think as a family we talk properly more than we did, and the kids have learnt that they have to think a bit more before just assuming things.....no bad thing!!

Hope you are all well and life is good - and of course that the knees are being kind to you  :)

Brams  ;)
2009 - diagnosed coeliac
Aug 2011 - L knee arthroscopy
Aug 2011 - diagnosed PF arthritis L knee
Nov 2011 - diagnosed CRPS L knee
Dec 2011 - MRI R knee, PFOA is worse than L!
June 2012 - no surgery 'til TKR's
Nov 2012 - CRPS spread to L foot/thigh, increasing pain
- Worsening pain/symptoms R knee
;-)

Offline anna82marie

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Re: Knee pain - the third party in my relationship...
« Reply #40 on: September 22, 2012, 04:43:15 PM »
I just wrote you a nice long reply and then my computer crashed  :-[

It's so nice to hear from you and I think this thread is well worth bringing to any new KG's attention! I'm glad that you're doing well now.

My relationship with my husband didn't survive the curse of 'frankenleg' and after a turbulent Christmas, we split in January. I have since found myself beginning a relationship with a friend who has been there through it all. Having heard from my husband for 3 years that i am a 'fat cripple', it's refreshing to be in a relationship where my partner understands that it's quite a high possibilty that I will end up in a wheelchair. It doesn't matter to him and nor does the amount of weight I have gained. He loves me for me and is everything that my husband wasn't.

I went back to the hospital last week to discover that I am causing damage to my hip and my ankle where I am compensating for my gammy knee - no big surprise there given the amount of damage I sustained originally and the subsequent 4 surgeries, arthrofibrosis and CRPS. My surgeon now wants to leace well alone and is sending me back to physio for 6 months. I am also back on two crutches, which after a year on just one, felt like a bit of a step backwards, but if it helps in the long run, then that's the way it must be! It may be time to invest in some smart crutches....  ;)

In the last year I have passed my leve 2 in Equality and Diversity and am now studying for my level 2 IT course and an OU course. It seems to keep my mind off the pain for a while, so it's all good! For those of you that need the distraction, take a look at the vision2learn website.

I also have my new car on order  :o and it should be with us mid October, complete with a left foot accelerator which will be a bit weird, but I'm so craving the independence!! I reckon that will be about the same time I go back to physio, so at least I'll be able to get myself there and back when my BF is at work! The next task is to find a new job - I do realise that I am a little limited in what I do now, but although I've been out of the rat race for a while, I still think I'm employable, so watch this space!!

Really good to hear from another long standing KG. Good knee health to all and I hope to hear from you soon!

Anna & Frankenleg x

Offline Bevin

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Re: Knee pain - the third party in my relationship...
« Reply #41 on: September 22, 2012, 06:53:08 PM »
I know exactly how you are feeling, but maybe on a smaller scale. I have been on crutches for 3 weeks and will be on them for a few more months. My husband has completely picked up the slack. He does all the cooking, cleaning, errands, appointments, ect., while working full time and having his own medical issues. The guilt I feel is overwhelming sometimes. Most days I feel sad because I am frustrated I can't do things by myself. I can't even go outside by myself because I can't simultaneously open the door and go down steps, and I can't drive. On top of all of the stress, I am uninsured and the burden my injury is going to bring on us financially is staggering and depressing. I know that I just need to stay positive and know that this won't be forever. Got to keep pushing on!

Offline Brambledog

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Re: Knee pain - the third party in my relationship...
« Reply #42 on: September 22, 2012, 07:41:58 PM »
Really good to hear from you Anna (and Frankenleg)...!! So sorry your marriage ended like that, but being called a fat cripple is horrendous! :o >:( Couldnt believe it when i read that. Awful horrible man. I can't sit on the fence on this one - I'm so happy you are now with someone who appreciates you. Must feel great ;) I must admit that I'd forgotten you had CRPS as well - hail fellow sufferer :-\ Two crutches, one crutch, wheelchair....I think we just have to use whatever gives us a bit of help. I'm in the process of trying to get a wheelchair I can use myself so that I have a bit more 'range' as I just can't walk far, even with crutches. My 'good' knee hasn't been good for a long time, and on some days can be as painful as the CRPS one, although in a different way. Surgeon doesn't want to operate there either tho, so I have to wait for two TKRs. Yay. Im in a bad crps flare at present after a rough day at the Paralympics, and right now a saw or a bottle of good whisky would be welcome!!! Im in a fit of blues with it, and fearingthe future is not good for the soul. Trying to snap out tho.
Good for you with the studying - I sooooo want to study another OU course!!!! I need something to get me through the winter, but I fear I'm a bit late now for the October start ones....might see ;) I did a degree with them in earth sciences and graduates about five years ago - it was a great thing, andive really missed it. Time to go back, but the money thing is always an issue here since I lost my job and can't earn much at all. Hmm. I hear you on the car thing, we have recently sold our old manual one and got the same car in an automatic so I can drive it! It's great being able to take myself somewhere again if I want...x

Bevin, hi, sorry you're joining the gang... ::) hope it won't be for too long though! The guilt is awful isn't it? Feels as though you have just chucked all the messy bits of life at their feet and told them to deal with it. You haven't, but in your head you might as well have done. Try not to feel overwhelmingly bad about it - after all, you would do the same for him if it were the other way around, and it's not as though you had any choice. Of course it's rough for him, but he'll cope, and as long as you talk about it and he knows how bad you feel about him working so hard, things will muddle through ok in the end. As you say, positive thinking and pushing on!!! If only it were as easy as that!  ;D

Hope you have a lovely Saturday evening (or morning, depending whether you're in the uk or not, lol)

Brams  ;)
2009 - diagnosed coeliac
Aug 2011 - L knee arthroscopy
Aug 2011 - diagnosed PF arthritis L knee
Nov 2011 - diagnosed CRPS L knee
Dec 2011 - MRI R knee, PFOA is worse than L!
June 2012 - no surgery 'til TKR's
Nov 2012 - CRPS spread to L foot/thigh, increasing pain
- Worsening pain/symptoms R knee
;-)

Offline anna82marie

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Re: Knee pain - the third party in my relationship...
« Reply #43 on: September 22, 2012, 10:41:50 PM »
I'm struggling a bit on the CRPS front too, having looked after my friends pub for 10 days while they went away - of course the change in the good old British weather doesn't help either!

Anyone heard off Wonkey Donkey lately? I haven't been in touch with anyone since before Christmas for obvious reasons!

Not seeing my consultant again until March, so I'll have to see how things fare until then. Somedays I struggle to see an end to it all and wonder if this is what the rest of my life is going to be like. On the flip side of that, I'm trying to do as much as I can while I am still able. One day when (if) I have kids, I want to be able to tell them all the things I managed to do before I ended up in a wheelchair! You never know though, maybe they will find some sort of miraculous cure for arthrofibrosis and CRPS before it comes to that. Just trying to enjoy every day that I can, without dwelling too much on the future!

Being called a fat cripple wasn't the worst of it, but I had been with him since I was 21, so he was all I ever knew. I didn't realise how much verbal abuse I was taking until after he left and I was forced to take a long hard look at our relationship.

Going to sign off for the night now as I am writing this on my iPhone and it isn't the easiest!

Goodnight fellow Knee Geeks!

A & F.L.

Offline Brambledog

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Re: Knee pain - the third party in my relationship...
« Reply #44 on: September 23, 2012, 12:00:00 AM »
I won't reply properly tonight as not feeling totally chipper, lol, but oh my word lass, if that wasn't the worst then you really were on the end of a nasty abusive relationship. Thank goodness you're free. :)

Change of weather - yes. Tick, vg. Its a bummer. I know atmospheric temperature changes affect arthritis, so maybe it affects CRPS in a similar way?
I haven't seen Wonky on any of the threads I've been on for a long time. Hopefully because of a complete recovery and everything being well enough so that Wonky has no free time for support sites.... 8)
The Live Life Now Philosophy - oh yes, if at all possible, hence the Paralympics day, which was ace and everyone really enjoyed! Wish the knee was up to a bit more, I keep having attacks of the 'oh I wish I'd done this that and the other', but I try not to dwell.... I used to assume, lol, that once we'd got a bit older and the kids had grown up, we'd have a bit more cash and freedom and could do all sorts of things then.....ah, never put off until tomorrow what you can do today!! But then, back in the day I didn't have the money to do anything thrilling or time-consuming, I was always working. You can't go back and live life again.
Rest of life thoughts, yes, today, yesterday and tomorrow in the current knee climate. It's my big big fear, a life of pain and compromise and doctors. But we battle on and try to avoid it and rewrite whatever future we might be prophesied by the condition. I too hope for a cure, there is increasing research on CRPS now so you never know what might be around the corner! Would you sign up for a trial if you were offered one or asked to do one by your doc? I really don't know... ::)

Not reply properly? Lol. Maybe I decided not to put it off until tomorrow. ;D

Sleep well. Hope you have a peaceful night.

Brams  ;)
2009 - diagnosed coeliac
Aug 2011 - L knee arthroscopy
Aug 2011 - diagnosed PF arthritis L knee
Nov 2011 - diagnosed CRPS L knee
Dec 2011 - MRI R knee, PFOA is worse than L!
June 2012 - no surgery 'til TKR's
Nov 2012 - CRPS spread to L foot/thigh, increasing pain
- Worsening pain/symptoms R knee
;-)















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