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Author Topic: Knee pain - the third party in my relationship...  (Read 12466 times)

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Offline Brambledog

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Re: Knee pain - the third party in my relationship...
« Reply #15 on: September 15, 2011, 03:54:47 PM »
Hi elliot173,

Gosh, I agree with just about very word you wrote! The novelty of the whole thing has definitely worn off, not just for me but for the whole family. I try and do the odd bit where I can, but I then suffer for it and have to RICE on the sofa. I can never do enough to make a difference to how much my husband has to do, and sometimes i wonder if it was worth the pain of trying to help. Seem to spend my life here now.  ::)

LOL at the bad daytime tv - it really is mind-numbingly awful. I found myself watching some dreadful programme the other day and had a moment of clarity, wondered what on earth I was doing!  ;D. I try to put a video on sometimes, just to break it up... I like things like Morse or Lewis - kills a couple of hours in one fell swoop!

Good luck with your cartilage implant in November. Hope it goes well and you make a quick recovery.

Keep in touch, like you say, it helps to know someone else feels the same way!

Brams.  ;)
2009 - diagnosed coeliac
Aug 2011 - L knee arthroscopy
Aug 2011 - diagnosed PF arthritis L knee
Nov 2011 - diagnosed CRPS L knee
Dec 2011 - MRI R knee, PFOA is worse than L!
June 2012 - no surgery 'til TKR's
Nov 2012 - CRPS spread to L foot/thigh, increasing pain
- Worsening pain/symptoms R knee
;-)

Offline Arity

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Re: Knee pain - the third party in my relationship...
« Reply #16 on: September 15, 2011, 03:59:06 PM »
I haven't been posting much lately - still dealing with complications from my surgery...but this post hit home for me this week.

My husband has been soo soo sick all week with the flu - high temps, resting...and I can't help as much as I would like to!  He does so much for me, and this week he really needs someone to be there for him.  I'm trying to do what I can, but I can't wait on him, which is what he really needs! (and no, this is not a typical "man sick whiny baby" sick that men get (no offence intended to the men on this board lol- he really is sick  ;D)

I don't really have anythign to say except..........grrrrrrrr!!


Offline Brambledog

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Re: Knee pain - the third party in my relationship...
« Reply #17 on: September 15, 2011, 04:12:16 PM »
Oh dear Arity, that really is difficult. Your poor husband! Sounds nasty. Poor you too though - it's one thing to not be able to do your part and have to watch them do so much, quite another to have them so poorly and not be able to look after them.

Hope you are both feeling better very soon.

My eldest has just got back from school, hot and tired and wanting to relax, and I've just had to ask her to go and take the laundry off the line, put another load on and feed the animals. She tried really hard not to sigh and has gone off willingly enough, but oh the guilt. Here am I, lying on the sofa in the sun, leg up and iced, tapping away on this. Must seem so unfair...

Take care, all KGs! You're not alone...

 ;)
2009 - diagnosed coeliac
Aug 2011 - L knee arthroscopy
Aug 2011 - diagnosed PF arthritis L knee
Nov 2011 - diagnosed CRPS L knee
Dec 2011 - MRI R knee, PFOA is worse than L!
June 2012 - no surgery 'til TKR's
Nov 2012 - CRPS spread to L foot/thigh, increasing pain
- Worsening pain/symptoms R knee
;-)

Offline KAP

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Re: Knee pain - the third party in my relationship...
« Reply #18 on: September 16, 2011, 01:56:25 AM »
I can really relate to your post. I'm feeling the same way and have not even had my surgery yet. My husband says it will all be fine and we are in this together but he has no idea of whats to come! Pain really affects everyone around you. I have had one knee (ACL) reconstructed when I was 18 so I have a vague recollection of what lies ahead for me in the next year (have torn the other knee ACL & LCL).

I hate this feeling of guilt about my injury and how its going to effect the lives of my kids and husband, but what can you do but just get on with it.

I'm really glad I found this site. I feel I now have an outlet which I really need. 

Offline Brambledog

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Re: Knee pain - the third party in my relationship...
« Reply #19 on: September 16, 2011, 09:02:57 AM »
Hi KAP,

You're so right, there's nothing you can do about this, and it's not your fault. Your main role in the whole circus is just to get well! Sounds like you have a great family for support - of course they'll find it difficult, but you would do the same for them, and I bet they know it. Just keep talking to them and tell your husband he can let you know he's frustrated sometimes!

One strange bonus is that my kids come and sit and chat, and tell me things more now. They know where I am, they know I'm not busy  ::) so there's not that whole 'better wait until mum's finished' thing. Particularly after school - makes me realise how busy I was. I used to say 'can we do that a bit later when I've finished this?' far too often! They bring homework to me as well, so I do still do the odd useful thing... I find I have less patience though, presumable down to pain, meds and my own sense of frustration, but I think that's all part of my therapy, so I work hard on improving it!

When is your surgery? Hope it all goes well for you.

Brams  ;)
2009 - diagnosed coeliac
Aug 2011 - L knee arthroscopy
Aug 2011 - diagnosed PF arthritis L knee
Nov 2011 - diagnosed CRPS L knee
Dec 2011 - MRI R knee, PFOA is worse than L!
June 2012 - no surgery 'til TKR's
Nov 2012 - CRPS spread to L foot/thigh, increasing pain
- Worsening pain/symptoms R knee
;-)

Offline KAP

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Re: Knee pain - the third party in my relationship...
« Reply #20 on: September 16, 2011, 12:12:09 PM »
Thanks Brambledog,

Yes my family is great and the kids are probably going to be to young to remember all of this (7 months and 2 1/2)
Surgery is being booked in the next two weeks, not sure when I'll have it but I just want to get it over with now.
I think you are right about the being busy thing. I never seem to have time for anything rushing from one thing to the next. Working on laptop with baby on my knee, loading washing machine and feeding two kids at the same time. Its going to be hard to take a back seat but thats life I guess :(

Your thoughts on the time you spend with your kids has been a great help to me. I need to change my mind set and think about the positive things that will come out of this injury.

Many thanks
Love & Peace :-*

Offline Brambledog

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Re: Knee pain - the third party in my relationship...
« Reply #21 on: September 16, 2011, 02:16:08 PM »
Hi KAP,

I read your main post with all the detail. Hope you can get the support you'll need to help you with your two kids - those are busy ages! Your worries are completely understandable and just show what a caring wife and mum you are. Even at those young ages, they will enjoy being able to sit and spend time with you, and the older one will probably want to play at being a nurse! (cue the dress-up uniform and doctors play set  ;D )

I haven't got all the answers by a long stretch. There's plenty of times when I'm feeling down and I turn them away - I've got very good at apologising! You just have to get through the days and find as much as possible to smile about. Kids and animals are good at giving you a laugh every now and then, and this site has been a great support, although sometimes I get bogged down in the bad stuff and scare myself (did that yesterday - daft muppet)! Moderation in all things....

Good luck with the operation and let us know how you get on with everything. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you!

Brams  ;)
2009 - diagnosed coeliac
Aug 2011 - L knee arthroscopy
Aug 2011 - diagnosed PF arthritis L knee
Nov 2011 - diagnosed CRPS L knee
Dec 2011 - MRI R knee, PFOA is worse than L!
June 2012 - no surgery 'til TKR's
Nov 2012 - CRPS spread to L foot/thigh, increasing pain
- Worsening pain/symptoms R knee
;-)

Offline Brambledog

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Re: Knee pain - the third party in my relationship...
« Reply #22 on: September 22, 2011, 11:43:18 PM »
Ok, I have to apologise in advance here, can't believe I'm going to post this... (if a moderator thinks this is offensive and removes it then I'm REALLY sorry, definitely not intended...)

I have been trying to find some advice on this from the web and am quite surprised at how little helpful info there is considering how common knee pain is. The whole area of bedroom antics is becoming a real issue with my knee, and I don't want it to get to a point where neither of us try any more because it's not working. I was using pillows to support my foot, but the other night my foot slipped off and my word it hurt! Unsurprisingly it distracted us both a bit from the matter at hand  ;D but we ended up laughing about it. My husband is worried about making things worse, which is sweet and all that, but I don't want to feel any less like myself than I do already. There are already too many things I can't do at the moment  :-\

We tried the spoons things a while ago and he wasn't that keen. Any other suggestions?

Oh dear  ::)

Sorry if I've upset anyone. If nothing else, it might have given you a chuckle...

Brams  ;)
2009 - diagnosed coeliac
Aug 2011 - L knee arthroscopy
Aug 2011 - diagnosed PF arthritis L knee
Nov 2011 - diagnosed CRPS L knee
Dec 2011 - MRI R knee, PFOA is worse than L!
June 2012 - no surgery 'til TKR's
Nov 2012 - CRPS spread to L foot/thigh, increasing pain
- Worsening pain/symptoms R knee
;-)

Offline elliottl73

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Re: Knee pain - the third party in my relationship...
« Reply #23 on: September 23, 2011, 02:39:59 AM »
Brams,
Ha Ha how funny having same issues too but kinda sensetive to try to discuss but oh so helpful to hear others have it too.  I am 38 and to young to just give it up.  I hope with recovery we recover a lot more than just my knee  ;D
 It seems we keep running across the same issues how funny.

Great post
Laurie
9/2010 fell broke nose and injured L knee
10/2010 MRI  negetive
1/21/2011 diagnostic arhtroscopy woke up with MFX
8/11/2011 new MRI showed failed MFX
9/1/2011 Biopsy for carticel
11/1/2011 ACI
5/31/12 scope and microfracture again 1/2 ACI failed
9/2/12 Scheduled OATS,Osteotomy
 
Laurie

Offline Brambledog

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Re: Knee pain - the third party in my relationship...
« Reply #24 on: September 23, 2011, 08:54:10 AM »
LOL  :D

I know, it is just a tad, ever so slightly difficult - especially trying to keep any message respectable...!  But I feel better about it knowing I am not alone on this one, so thanks anyway. Maybe there isn't an easy answer to this particular problem?!  ::)

Just keep soldiering on girls. I suppose I'm lucky it's just me with the dodgy knees, it would be a lot worse if it were both of us...

Brams  ;)
« Last Edit: September 23, 2011, 12:27:21 PM by Brambledog »
2009 - diagnosed coeliac
Aug 2011 - L knee arthroscopy
Aug 2011 - diagnosed PF arthritis L knee
Nov 2011 - diagnosed CRPS L knee
Dec 2011 - MRI R knee, PFOA is worse than L!
June 2012 - no surgery 'til TKR's
Nov 2012 - CRPS spread to L foot/thigh, increasing pain
- Worsening pain/symptoms R knee
;-)

Offline elliottl73

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Re: Knee pain - the third party in my relationship...
« Reply #25 on: September 23, 2011, 05:28:47 PM »
Can you tell me how to but the notes on the bottom about my history?
Thanks
Laurie
9/2010 fell broke nose and injured L knee
10/2010 MRI  negetive
1/21/2011 diagnostic arhtroscopy woke up with MFX
8/11/2011 new MRI showed failed MFX
9/1/2011 Biopsy for carticel
11/1/2011 ACI
5/31/12 scope and microfracture again 1/2 ACI failed
9/2/12 Scheduled OATS,Osteotomy
 
Laurie

Offline Brambledog

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Re: Knee pain - the third party in my relationship...
« Reply #26 on: September 23, 2011, 07:30:49 PM »
Hi Laurie,

At the top of the screen click on 'profile', then in the menu on the left click on 'forum profile information'. About halfway down the boxes on the right you'll see 'signature' - whatever you put in there will appear at the bottom of every post.

Hope that helps!

Brams  ;)
2009 - diagnosed coeliac
Aug 2011 - L knee arthroscopy
Aug 2011 - diagnosed PF arthritis L knee
Nov 2011 - diagnosed CRPS L knee
Dec 2011 - MRI R knee, PFOA is worse than L!
June 2012 - no surgery 'til TKR's
Nov 2012 - CRPS spread to L foot/thigh, increasing pain
- Worsening pain/symptoms R knee
;-)

Offline elliottl73

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Re: Knee pain - the third party in my relationship...
« Reply #27 on: September 23, 2011, 09:25:41 PM »
Thanks I will try that.
I have been thinking the bedroom protion of our lives is very important to our recovery or just getting along with things.  It is funny how 1 portion of your body effects so many aspects of your life.
  I wonder if checking into book or websites for hip patients could lend some support.  Those doctors can be pretty creative when asked. Lol :-[
Anyway thanks again for the support it sure helps to know I am not alone and I am not crazy.  All this can sure hurt ones mood. But getting better.
  I believe my husband to be very distressed about the up coming surgery so I don't want to burden him with more worry.
You are right marriage is like a scale it will all balance in the end thats why we have personal realtionships and marriage vows.

Have a good weekend ;D
Laurie
9/2010 fell broke nose and injured L knee
10/2010 MRI  negetive
1/21/2011 diagnostic arhtroscopy woke up with MFX
8/11/2011 new MRI showed failed MFX
9/1/2011 Biopsy for carticel
11/1/2011 ACI
5/31/12 scope and microfracture again 1/2 ACI failed
9/2/12 Scheduled OATS,Osteotomy
 
Laurie

Offline Brambledog

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Re: Knee pain - the third party in my relationship...
« Reply #28 on: September 23, 2011, 10:00:33 PM »
As ever, you speak wisely! Very true.

I'm sorry your husband is worrying such a lot. Maybe find one of the TKR post-op diaries that is positive (most recoveries are!) and let him read through it. It could well be that the things he is imagining are worse than the reality of the op.

My husband has, I suspect, got a bit bored of my knee troubles already. He rarely asks me how my knee is - more of a general 'you alright?' as he walks in after work, which then means I either have to say 'no, actually it's been a crappy day and I feel down' or 'yes thanks'. If I say the former, he says 'oh dear' and wanders off, or on a good day he'll be a bit more talkative and follow it up with 'still bad, eh?'. It makes me feel as if I'm making a fuss and looking for attention. I do want the odd bit of attention, but it would be nice if he expressed some real interest. Any knee-based discussion is always started by me needing to talk about it - ooh I'm so needy...

Oh dear, I make him sound awful! He's lovely really, I just think he's finding the whole thing very difficult. He's not a big talker about feelings  ;D and I suppose I just notice it more now because I need to talk about it (hence all the posting on here!). He's really tired as well, after tea he comes and sits on the other sofa and promptly falls asleep, then wakes up for a couple of hours before falling asleep again around 10ish until we go up to bed! I don't feel I should wake him up, but I want to have an adult discussion after being by myself so much of the day! I don't want to sit here by myself in the evening as well!

I'll have another check but use hip as a search term instead of knee! Thanks for the idea...

For better or worse, in sickness and in health. How true.

Have a lovely weekend Laurie (and of course all other KGs out there!). Here's hoping for sunshine, good company, fine food, alcohol (in moderation...) and freedom from pain and worry. And most importantly, a toast to good folk who understand us, even if they are anywhere else in the world!

Brams  ;)

2009 - diagnosed coeliac
Aug 2011 - L knee arthroscopy
Aug 2011 - diagnosed PF arthritis L knee
Nov 2011 - diagnosed CRPS L knee
Dec 2011 - MRI R knee, PFOA is worse than L!
June 2012 - no surgery 'til TKR's
Nov 2012 - CRPS spread to L foot/thigh, increasing pain
- Worsening pain/symptoms R knee
;-)

Offline WonkeyDonkey

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Re: Knee pain - the third party in my relationship...
« Reply #29 on: September 24, 2011, 08:50:13 PM »
Hi All

I was having a lovely read of this post and thought how true it was. I don't like keep being asked "How is your knee today?", as I never really like to keep being reminded. I have enough of the pain to do that for me!

Husbands are the salt of the earth, they help with the jobs, ask if you should be doing that, when you do something he thinks you shouldn't do. I hate the thought that I have so far mucked up three holidays because I can't walk far, go up or down hills very well, and generally need to sit down a lot! My family love surfing, walking etc, none of which I can do. I couldn't hardly walk into the sea, let alone stay in the waves for long, just long enough to numb the knee in the cold water.

It is always good to know you can turn to KG, for a bit of support and understanding.

Love to all knees, get better soon.

WD