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Author Topic: Xmas Day Alone in a Hotel  (Read 5592 times)

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Offline Ron22

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Xmas Day Alone in a Hotel
« on: December 25, 2009, 06:58:28 PM »
Merry Xmas everyone.

Hope y'all are well and enjoying your loved ones.

I think you vets are aware of my family dynamic.

Tough to say the least (every family's got one, and I am the one who never has fit in and draws the ire and lectures no matter how old I get).

I'm sure it started when I was wearing the new brace (have to, falling down all of the time now, and NYC is becoming impossible.   I just cannot make the stops and cuts as the crackberry brigade walk with eyes downcast).

Plus got knocked over in Grand Central (idiots running for trains) 3 times last week and twice this week even though it was only 3 days.

Pain is thu the roof , and I know it made me not able to put on the smiley face I'm required to.

Plus it made me edgy.  My brother indulges in what he calls "bear baiting", trying to get a rise out of me, since we were kids.

Plus there was an outsider at the table, so I was more conscious of being made to look bad.

And they all joined in laughing at me for the whole dinner, since with the pain, the doll that made the horrible noises had no off switch, and I explained that when I have a lot of pain, sharp, loud noises really hurt.  It's been like that once they started putting hardware into me.

Weird.

Then when they shut the doll off, they spent dessert, imitating the noise with their voices.

So everyone is mad at me, for my attitude and not being happy, followed ny an Xmas Morning high volume lecture from Mom. 

I had to drive about 70 miles for a client mtg and then the gig tmrw night, so I didn't take off, just split sooner than early evening after my mom's screaming lecture about my attitude.

I could say a lot more, but I think those of you who know me, can fill in the blanks.

I had to work this wkend anyway, just booked to the hotel early in the day.

Just me, a room service pizza, a movie, and a lot of tears.

My leg and hip are keeping me company as is the new brace.

Once again, the rest of the world thinks I'm a good, sensitive man that is smart, cares deeply and has passion (and some success) in both music and law.

Last wkend my client was in the Darlene Love Xmas show with Steven van Zandt from Springsteen's band, who knows me and asked me to be sidestage for his soundcheck as he was checking an old solo song that he knew I was familiar with.   

Yeah, me and my favorite guitar player and one of my all time favorite artists, speaking into the mic to me..."Ronnie, what do you think A or G for this verse.   How's my phrasing?"

It means nothing now.

I have work later and then a gig tmrw night, and then a Sentencing Memo for a law client.

And, oh yeah, I have to drive the 70 miles back for my sister's b-day (then drive back of course), tmrw night.

Sorry if this makes no sense, I do know that even if there are no replies, some of you guys do care.

No hugs, holiday food, or a respite from the pain.

Don't feel like I deserve this.

I swear, sometimes I feel like my family is killing me.

Thanks for listening and I hope all of your knees are behaving and that your Holiday is one of the best ever.

I'm really sorry to be a downer I just had to let go of this and maybe someone will just reply with a hug or some sort of mssg that I'm not what they say I am.

Lyndsey I hope things are better, you are a real trouper.

Beth, Happy Chrimble and a Gear New Year.

Lenore as always thanks for your support and I always hope for a better recovery and future for you.

Suzanne thanks for everything, and I hope you're having a great day.


Ronnie 
« Last Edit: December 25, 2009, 07:59:34 PM by Ron22 »
Surgery #1 ACL/LR/Mdl Mesniscus
Surgery #2 Vascular Repair
Surgery#3 ACL/Ltl Mesniscus/MCL
Surgery#4 Vascular Repair
Surgery#5 Maquet/Bone Graft/Screw/LR/ACL
Arthritis/Knee/Hip
Necrosis/Hip
PFS/Chronomalacia
RSD
Vascular Issues
All on Right Leg

Offline lenorem9

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Re: Xmas Day Alone in a Hotel
« Reply #1 on: December 25, 2009, 09:10:12 PM »
Hey Ron,

So sorry to hear about all the family drama.  Wow, I give you a lot of credit for continuing to love and care for them.  Sounds so awful!  If only they knew how much it's hurting you I bet they wouldn't be so mean. 

What works the best for me when I'm really down is doing something for someone else even if it's a little thing.  Maybe a call to your friend in the wheelchair or something like that. 

Don't know what else to say except that we're here for you and listening.  Hope things improve and you find some happiness in the near future. 
07/07  Injured @ Taekwondo
11/07  ACL allograft, Posterolateral corner recon
01/09  Scope for scar tissue, notchplasty
02/09  Diagnosed w/arthrofibrosis/IPCS
04/09  Scope for scar tissue, lateral/medial release
05/09  MUA
11/09  Scope for scar tissue, chondroplasty
Learning to "live with it"

Offline Lottiefox

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Re: Xmas Day Alone in a Hotel
« Reply #2 on: December 26, 2009, 08:42:35 PM »
Ron, I'm pretty much a newbie on here but I'm sending you a Christmas *hug* from over the water from the UK in the hope that 2010 brings you some peace and happiness. Why do some families just love to pick on one person??? Honestly, Festive times just bring out the worst in some folks....


Lottie x :)
Bilateral patella OA since 2009, no surgeries.
Euflexxa working well x3 to current
Right forefoot CRPS post fusion surgery 2011
Refusing to let the ailing parts stop me....

Offline TwoBadKneesUSA

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Re: Xmas Day Alone in a Hotel
« Reply #3 on: December 26, 2009, 11:53:34 PM »
Ron,

I've read a lot of your posts and I feel for you.  It's hard to be the family scape goat.  Anyway here is a huge hug for you.  ((((((((((((HUG))))))))))))))


I hope the new year is better for you.  It does help to vent when things get bad, and your "family" here will always listen.


Milly
'83 lt knee scope
'88 lt knee LR
'89 rt knee LR (6 mos. after left)
'05 rt knee scope (clean up)
7/5/07 - scope, LR left, right clean
3/19/08 - LR failed, Supartz failed
http://www.kneeguru.co.uk/KNEEtalk/index.php?topic=47974.0
8/21/08 - new OS apt
8/5/09 - TTT, LR, PFJR sched.

Offline Cosmicsnuffle

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Re: Xmas Day Alone in a Hotel
« Reply #4 on: December 27, 2009, 12:17:31 AM »
Another newbie here- just had restorative with Lottiefox and wish to pass on the favour. Looks like you have a great Forum Family. More hugs from over the pond.
Sue
Oct 04 - torn meniscus
Dec 05 meniscal trim and debridement
Sep 09 torn ACL, kissing contusions, knee locked 30-60o
Jan 10 ACL stump debrided, lateral parrot beak meniscal tear trimmed
May 10 ACLr (Hamstring)
Aug 11 mfx (focal lesion lateral femoral condyle)
Jun 14 100k walk London-Brighton 28hrs

Offline Ron22

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Re: Xmas Day Alone in a Hotel
« Reply #5 on: December 27, 2009, 12:40:59 PM »
I love you guys.

KG's have been such a support for me in all ways for 5 yrs now.

Lenore (you are the best and I hope you're doing better.  No matter what, you always post on my threads when I need it most.  Thank You.   You have a big heart.  Always have.   Hope things (as I always do) are going better for you.   You've had some year, and have the fighting spirit of a tiger).

Sue, Millie, Lottie, thank you so much.

Sounds weird, but I do feel those hugs.  I always do.  It's such a wonderful gesture when people take the time to reach out.

I survived the family dinner last night (horrible weather, rain and ice storm with fog).  Made the 70 mile each way trip (from the hotel near the band gigs).

Made the best of it, and yes, the love and support I always get from KG's did make a difference.

You guys do feel like a family to me, as you are the ones who understand and experience the Knee Journey, and the bumps in the road non KG's can sometimes throw at you.

I hope all of you had a good Holiday and I wish you all better things for 2010.

I came on to read these notes again this morning and got a little emotional as I once again realize that no matter what, you guys are there for me.

Thank You again.

It means more to me than you can imagine.

My Knee Journey is a solo effort as a single guy, and my family is not only no help, but often they make it worse. 

Surgery #1 ACL/LR/Mdl Mesniscus
Surgery #2 Vascular Repair
Surgery#3 ACL/Ltl Mesniscus/MCL
Surgery#4 Vascular Repair
Surgery#5 Maquet/Bone Graft/Screw/LR/ACL
Arthritis/Knee/Hip
Necrosis/Hip
PFS/Chronomalacia
RSD
Vascular Issues
All on Right Leg

Offline Lottiefox

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Re: Xmas Day Alone in a Hotel
« Reply #6 on: December 27, 2009, 02:41:10 PM »
Hey Ron,

You survived the family dinner - yaaaayyyyy! That warrants a treat JUST for you! I'm glad the hugs have helped, hopefully they make you feel slightly less alone in the knee journey.......and yes hugs can reach out across many thousands of miles from people that know how **** ongoing pain and stuff really are. Life's **** can make you a better person, but boy sometimes it would be nice to be pain free and a worse person for a short while!!!  ;D ;)

Keep on smiling, you've got an amazing attitude and I wish you some joy and progress in 2010

Lottie in the sunny but chilly UK (but far less storms than NYC I think!!!)

x :D
Bilateral patella OA since 2009, no surgeries.
Euflexxa working well x3 to current
Right forefoot CRPS post fusion surgery 2011
Refusing to let the ailing parts stop me....

Offline Clarkey

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Re: Xmas Day Alone in a Hotel
« Reply #7 on: December 27, 2009, 04:02:51 PM »
Hi Ron,

At least you have the support from KG Members even if you family dont you are always welcome here as we like one big family and have made so many online freinds through KG and over half my freinds on Facebook are from KG. I have a Boss at work who is not very caring and thought my knee problem was in my head so know what its like when people make you unhappy and depressed.

I am sure you will have a better 2010, the start of a new decade.

Nick :) {2009} :)

RK: PFPS, Arthrofibrosis, Tendinopathy, Five cortisone injections
16/01/18 Anterior interval release, distal patella excision, lateral meniscal repair
18/07/14 Anterior interval release  
16/11/09 Medial plica excision, fat pad trimming

Offline Silkncardcrafts

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Re: Xmas Day Alone in a Hotel
« Reply #8 on: December 28, 2009, 11:08:28 AM »
Hi Ronnie,

Sorry to hear what you have been doing through.

I don't think any of my family really understand what I am going through either.

In February I am having my 8th knee op, the third on my right knee. Am praying that it works. Got every faith in my OS and am prepared to do the rehab. Got injured at work last Tuesday, which didn't help. Hope it doesn't stop me from having my surgery in February.

Things can only get better.

Many people I have spoken to have found 2009 a very difficult year. All I say is bring on 2010.
11/1996 - RK LR
07/1997 - LK LR
11/1998 - LK MPFL Reco
12/2005 - RK LR Repair
07/2006 - LK MPFL Repair
11/2006 - LK LR Repair
22/05/08 - LK Trochleoplasty
11/02/10 - RK Trochleoplasty
07/03/11 - RK Chrondroplasty

Offline SuzanneT

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Re: Xmas Day Alone in a Hotel
« Reply #9 on: January 01, 2010, 03:36:21 AM »
Hi Ronnie, I'm still thinking about you.  This is going to be a better year for all of us.  I'll talk to you very soon.  Take care & remember that you will always have good friends right here on kneegeeks!  We understand & love you!  Suzanne
12/31/06 tibial plateau fracture (medial)
              fibula fracture
              patella fracture
              (no surgery, long, slow recovery)
   8/1/07  7 months, beginning FWB
   8/1/08  more physical therapy to develop
               calf & quads
   8/21/08 climbing stairs

Offline Doc79316

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Re: Xmas Day Alone in a Hotel
« Reply #10 on: January 01, 2010, 10:17:24 PM »
Hi Ron,

I've not been around for a long while now thanks to family and ex family so I have some idea of what you mean. I also understand the concept of cerain noises or frequwencies causing pain - particualrly with the RSD to.

Tjose without knee problems can never psosibly understand how it feels and when the pain is constant, there are times when we just can't be happy and smiling all the time.

Please take time out just for yourself. You need a break from everyone and everything by the sound of it.

Take care,

Laura xx
Left knee surgery
08/06/02-L/Release
13/08/03-Fulkerson TTT
05/06/05-Stabilisation & Medialisation/Tendon Transfer
13/01/06-Proximal Hamstring Superior Stabilisation
06/03/06-RSD/CRPS diagnosed
20/07/06 + 03/04/07-Excision of scar tissue
29/05/15-Arthroscopy
02/03/20-Left transfemoral amputation

Offline Lyndsey

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Re: Xmas Day Alone in a Hotel
« Reply #11 on: January 31, 2010, 07:29:30 PM »
Hey Ronnie! I just saw this post, I haven't been on as much lately. I'm writing my senior thesis and it's taking up most of my time. Since the hardware removal most of the pain has gone away. I still have some muscle and tendon pain, but it's not the grinding bone pain. It's been over 5 weeks since they took the plates out, and i'm doing good, but I still feel weak. I have a feeling it's going to take a really long time to fix that.

I'm sorry to hear you had such a rough time, and the family is still giving you trouble. You always have the support of us KG's. I hope things are looking up for you heading into the new year. You know you are always in my thoughts and prayers. You don't deserve the crap you get, and you are definitely not a mess! You really are a strong guy, just to deal with the pain, not even counting the family too! I just pray you catch a break soon! Hope everything else is going well.

Lots of hugs and prayers! Here's to a better 2010!  ;D
Lyndsey

5/15/08      R femoral derotational osteotomy
1/19/09      L femoral derotational osteotomy
12/17/09  hardware removal (L&R femoral blade plates and screws)
10/28/10 removal of bone chip and cleanup of scar tissue on left
4/2014 15 deg. Re-rotation of L Femur
9/2014 L. Plate Removal & Fix Fracture

Offline Ron22

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Re: Xmas Day Alone in a Hotel
« Reply #12 on: February 13, 2010, 06:36:51 PM »
Thanks Lyndsey, Laura, Suzanne, Nick, Lottie, Silkencardcrafts.

Very much appreciated and needed.

Even for me the past few weeks have been tough work wise.

Thank God the Fraud case is over, but the work does not end until the client begins her sentence (we got the lowest possible sentence per the Guidelines and you wouldn't believe what the US Atty dropped in my lap the night before the Sentencing.  The client lied to me too, but I was able to overcome it since the Judge knows me and actually was sympathetic to what a skell the fraduster was.  He said I was prepared beyond belief and said on the record that she should have gotten 10 yrs).

I now have 5 band clients and 2 who play in NYC (Knitting Room, Mercury Lounge, The Ritz).   The NYC bands were referrals and that means a lot to me.

Still working 7 days a week, but it's normal to me, balancing the criminals and the musicians.

The Boys are horrible.  Brace has to worn daily and the breakthru pain is the norm.  The needlework a few wks back was the toughest ever and he had go with the Surgical Supplies and is stunned at how fast the Necrosis and Scar Tissue are advancing.

Same ole, meds, trying not to fall, ice, heat, lots of prayers and locking myself in my room to let the tears fall when the pain feels like I just had surgery.   
« Last Edit: February 13, 2010, 06:38:27 PM by Ron22 »
Surgery #1 ACL/LR/Mdl Mesniscus
Surgery #2 Vascular Repair
Surgery#3 ACL/Ltl Mesniscus/MCL
Surgery#4 Vascular Repair
Surgery#5 Maquet/Bone Graft/Screw/LR/ACL
Arthritis/Knee/Hip
Necrosis/Hip
PFS/Chronomalacia
RSD
Vascular Issues
All on Right Leg

Offline Ron22

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Re: Xmas Day Alone in a Hotel
« Reply #13 on: February 13, 2010, 06:43:26 PM »
Even I am shocked at how fast the leg is just dying and the 2 vascular surgeries and lack of infrastructure make swelling go upwards and it becomes phelbetic.

You guys are the best and I love you, the only ones who get it and are so generous.

As for the Family, well, nothing need be said.

Lots of stress and just wish I could meet someone.  I know I had the right one and blew it due to career and it will remain the biggest mistake of my life.

Been up for 3 straight nights give or take a nod off or two of a half hr here and there.

Your vibes and support mean more to me than you can possibly imagine.

Lyndsey, thanks for the contunued support and pls let me know how you are.

Suzanne thanks for always being there.

And the rest of you guys who post, thank you.

Happy Valentines day everyone.




Hugs,

Ronnie
Surgery #1 ACL/LR/Mdl Mesniscus
Surgery #2 Vascular Repair
Surgery#3 ACL/Ltl Mesniscus/MCL
Surgery#4 Vascular Repair
Surgery#5 Maquet/Bone Graft/Screw/LR/ACL
Arthritis/Knee/Hip
Necrosis/Hip
PFS/Chronomalacia
RSD
Vascular Issues
All on Right Leg

Offline Lyndsey

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Re: Xmas Day Alone in a Hotel
« Reply #14 on: February 13, 2010, 07:35:03 PM »
Hey Ronnie! I'm sorry to hear things are going downhill for you. Hopefully you will get a break soon! I know how it is to be in constant pain, not fun at all. Hang in there and I know it's hard, but try to stay positive.... know there are LOTS of positive vibes coming from me!  ;) We're here if you need a sounding board!

As for me, i'm doing pretty good! It's been 8 weeks since they took the plates out, and i'm finally starting to get a little stronger. I rode my horse for the first time today. He was really good considering I rode him in 2 foot of snow! Poor guy was practically swimming, but I just couldn't wait to ride! It was beautiful with the snow on the trees and in the fields. I'm sure i'll be really sore tomorrow, but it was worth it. I still feel some pain and discomfort, mostly at night. My sleepless nights aren't near as bad as yours, but I've had a few of them. Sometimes I take some benadryl to help me sleep, but then i'm like a zombie the next day! My poor muscles and tendons are having a hard time adjusting to me trying to walk without limping. It's coming though......slowly but surely!

Hope you feel better soon! LOTS of hugs being sent your way! You're in my prayers! Take care.
Lyndsey
5/15/08      R femoral derotational osteotomy
1/19/09      L femoral derotational osteotomy
12/17/09  hardware removal (L&R femoral blade plates and screws)
10/28/10 removal of bone chip and cleanup of scar tissue on left
4/2014 15 deg. Re-rotation of L Femur
9/2014 L. Plate Removal & Fix Fracture