Derotational Osteotomy + TTT - 10/20/2009

[sarbah77]

Yeah, and that's definitely part of a pity party we're ALL allowed to have.  You've read my kneegeeks diary and you know that I've certainly done more than my fair share.  But I guess what I should have expressed better is that you have TIME to change this.  In a year or two, when you no longer think about your leg/knee daily, you might be going "I think I'm going to join in that pick-up game..."  But it's not going to happen immediately.  It'll probably happen when you no longer hurt or worry about it.  Like, yesterday, I walked down the stairs.  I got to the bottom and went "wait, what did I just do?"  Except, in your case, it'll be on a MUCH bigger scale.

Like, my husband, when an undergrad, convinced himself that he was no good at running.  WHY BOTHER.  A decade later, he picked it up again.  This April, at age 36 but closer to 37, he's running the Boston Marathon.  He QUALIFIED to run the Boston Marathon at age 35.  He psyched himself out.... then psyched himself RIGHT back in!

And, I think, in time - with the motivation, the energy, and the lack of pain (the last one being something we're all waiting on!), you'll be able to do darned near ANYTHING you want.  And anything you ever felt you wanted to do.

I want to run a 5k.  I'm not sure it's feasible.  I also want to strangle my surgeon.  That's definitely not allowable.  I should just take my crutches and thwack some unsuspecting and innocent undergrad.

[Becs3740]

Latise, i know what you mean about feeling old. I went for lunch with my mum and sister the other weekend for mothers day and they kept laughing at me saying that i was like a little old lady because i was walking so slow. I didn't mind them saying that because they were only joking and wasn't saying it in a horrible way. But alot of the time i do feel like an old lady and it does get me down. My nan is 85 and you would never think it if you saw her. She has no problem at all with her legs. Doesn't even have to use a stick. She also lives in a third floor flat and manages fine with the stairs everyday. Don't get me wrong i am very happy that she is doing so well for her age and wouldn't wish bad legs on her but it does get me down sometimes when i look at her and think that because of our ages we should have each others legs.

Hope you have a good day

Take care

Becks

[crankerchick]

Thanks for the pep talk ladies :-)

Sarah you are definitely right, I might have a defeated mental spirit now but I don't have to let that continue. I just hope that over time I will get that nerve back. It's never left, it's just been squashed down, LOL. After limping around all of last year until my surgery, with my knee as unstable as it has ever been, my thoughts were on just wanting to walk without issue.

LOL @ strangling your surgeon. I'm the opposite, I want to like dedicate a shrine to mine (is that creepy?). I'm actually working on a little project so that other people can thank him for helping them too. I tried to offer him my first born once, but apparently he's more interested in getting rid of his own than picking up another one.

OMG Becks, my friends do the same to me. Two of my friends walk around behind me dragging their leg mocking me (some friends huh lol) and all my bowling friends call me old and make jokes. My husband has a good time with it too. It doesn't bother me, it's all in jest. Me and a friend from college used to joke all the time about stuff saying, "It's funny cause its true!" That's how I feel sometimes when folks joke about me being old, like, it's funny cause its true, LOL.

Oh well, I just gotta say thanks for the pep talks. I'm feeling less down today. It's a new day, soon it will be a new month and then even a new year. Its not like my life sucks, in fact, I love my life, peg leg and all. Whatever comes in the future will be awesome regardless :-)

[sarbah77]

Good! I'm glad you're feeling better!

But, my surgeon.  I'm going to vent here!

I love him. He's a great surgeon.  He also makes himself very available, via cell or work phone and definitely through email. I feel valued as a patient and that he listens and understands.

However, last Friday, post-MRI... he called me between surgeries to let me know the result of the MRI.  It was nothing definitive, but his instruction was "it's not worrisome, but do what ever you're comfortable with doing."  Well, that's not much.  Because it hurts to walk.  If I can't walk, what is there to do?

I replied, via email, and asked (this is from my email to him): I know you said that I should do what I'm comfortable with but I don't want to decide that means I should sit on the couch for three more weeks.  Unless, of course, it does mean that - ice, elevation, Advil - and anything else that doesn't cause too much pain? Should I pitch those stupid crutches or keep using them, as I hurt enough?

I added a bit about no rush, thanks for being so fast, I appreciate all you do, etc.  But I wanted a bit more clarification, because I want a FRIGGIN treatment plan, so I asked specific questions.

This was the entire reply, from greeting to sign off: I would try to keep the activity level in the "comfort zone", if that exists.

Super, thanks.  But after I emailed him on Friday, I also called (late in the day, no expectation of a return call) and left a message for the physician's assistant I'd been seeing with this stupid leg pain, until my OS stepped in (even then, that PA was the one in attendance).  No call Monday.  Saw him in the PA clinic yesterday.  No call.  I called back today.

The person I spoke to (clerical staff, like me!) looked in to it.  The PA contacted the head PA who talked to my OS who'd said he'd answered my questions, so the original PA didn't call me back.  But the clerical staff person expressed my desire to speak to someone and get further clarification of what my OS meant and perhaps an idea on how to work on getting better.  Well, my OS was in today, so I think it worked out that she was going to take a message for him.  Or something.  To many male pronouns were used and I lost track of which "he" she was referring to.

A few minutes later, she called back and said "Your OS said you should email him."

AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH.  If I thought he was going to ANSWER MY QUESTIONS, I would have! I didn't even reply to that stupid one liner.  Tomorrow is FIVE weeks of leg pain.  It's not a stress fracture.  It's a stress injury.  It's NOT getting better.  My leg doesn't hurt, if I don't use it.  I DO NOT EVEN KNOW WHAT I NEED TO DO TO GET THIS MAN TO ANSWER A DIRECT QUESTION.

And since he won't let a PA answer me, I just want to strangle him at this point.  I feel like I'm being really REALLY pushy, but I HURT.  Dammit.

Right now, I'm considering sucking it up for my six month post-op in 12 days... but I really hoped that someone would be able to talk to me about What To Do.  Is that really so hard?

Hmph!!! 

 

(Sorry for ranting all over your thread)

[crankerchick]

Hah, no worries, others have ranted here too, as have I ranted elsewhere, LOL. How ever will i distract myself from this technical report i don't desire to write if not for knee rants?!

I think its a male thing. Men just don't really know how to answer questions directly. My husband suffers from this condition. My husband says its just the women, specifically me, want more then they give, but that they do in fact give us satisfactory answers. I think its an argument with no answer.

I guess for you the answer is just if something makes pain, don't do it. If walking hurts, then yeah, sucks, but use the crutches. I guess, don't baby it, but don't overdo it either.

I suffer from the same problem about talking to my doctor. I don't want to like be a pester, especially considering I'm someone that can ask a gazillion questions and also freak out over the tiniest things and convince myself that i'm dying because my chest feels funny or that my surgery failed because soething feels 'off' LOL. It's really hard for me to decide what to ask, how often to ask questions, and how much to ask to be clarified. The answers are of course, everything, as often as necessary, and as much until it is clear. But it sure feels like being a nag, so I know how you feel. Having an easily accessible doctor, i kind of feel like i don't want to take advantage of that. Before the surgery, I didn't feel all the conscious of asking a bunch of questions and emailing all the time. I was on a mission for answers! But now that he's said basically, "your bones are healed" i'm kind of like, at this point it is on me so I really don't need to be asking him stuff anymore, his job is kind of done. Of course it doesn't really work that way, but in theory it does, and I'm a technical person, i like theory and patterns and rules, LOL.

Maybe the answer is as simple as stated. Do as much as feels comfortable. Try not to over think it and just keep it simple. What is comfortable to you? And whatever that is, do nothing more.

[sarbah77]

LOL to the last line in your sig file.

Anyway... and you can relate to this (and if Megan-the-overdoer read this, her too!)... but but but I JUST WANNA GO OUTSIDE AND TAKE A WALK! I want to go to the mall! I want to be able to rake the damned leaves that my husband is ignoring (he's good like that. He also thinks my OS makes sense).

AND I WANT TO DO IT ALL RIGHT NOW.  Not next week.  Not in 12 days, after I see my OS.  NOW.

Hmph.

Anyway, I finally wrote to my OS after making sure I didn't say "you're stupid" or anything that was clearly me being a brat.  I said "look, I hurt, I want to stop hurting. And my six month post op is in 12 days. If I hurt still, we could readdress it them.  Alternately, if you've seen enough of me, I'll willingly cancel it." (paraphrased a tad, mind)

His reply was FOUR WHOLE LINES.  It included using my name, his name, the enter key, and a note useful reply! But! More than one line! He wrote: I am happy to see you any time.
Please contact me directly if you have any questions or concerns - it will likely be more efficient that way.

But it's NOT.  You don't answer QUESTIONS. Direct OR implied.

But I really want to walk downtown, visit the local chocolate store, buy a locally made chocolate bunny, then walk across the street and pick up a locally made cupcake.  And I want to do it NOW!

[Becs3740]

Hi,

Sarah, I know what you mean. I am stuck at home pretty much every day at the moment. I feel very much how you do. All i want to be able to do is a 10 min walk down the road to get my food shopping. Im fed up of having to give my mum my shopping list all the time and do the rest of my shopping online.

My day started out ok but as soon as i got up the pain really kicked in. Im now lying on my bed in absolute agongy.

It must be so frustrating for you to not get a straight answer from your OS. I don't feel that i would be able to ask my OS any questions even through his secretary. But in the last few days i think i really have found alot of answers to my questions on this website.

I feel very lucky to have found this website and the lovely people on hear willing to share their thoughts and give you their support. So a big thank you to you all i just wish i had found this website earlier.

[crankerchick]

Oh Becks, sorry you are hurting now. Are you taking any meds for the pain? Nobody can really every say anything to help with the pain, so I'm at a loss for how to help except to just say hang in there and do whatever it takes to find some comfort. For me, ice and the pillow mound was enough, and perhaps a vicodin if absolutely necessary. I'm glad we've been able to help in some capacity here on kneegeeks though. Everyone needs a support system, especially since family friends don't quite get it unless they have been through it.

Sarah, are you LOL @ my bit about the cane or my shameless plug for a super-sweet clinic that I know of? Either way, glad you got a laugh. As for the cane, well unfortunately we are quite intimate at the moment, but I would not call us monogamous, but more like a fling, an on and off affair if you will, except without emotions, more like an affair where the 2 just use each other for physical reasons. LOL!

I went yesterday all day without it, and it was quite a long day. I had to go out to my car and get it at lunch today because my leg just gets so stiff at work and after all of yesterday, I'm finding it hard not to limp today. I really just want to javelin this thing into a trash compactor or something, but *sigh* I promised the therapist I would listen to him and use it if I was limping. Damn those cute physical therapists with the pretty eyes and soft hands. I should have gotten my appointments with the boss there. While he's a nice guy, he just doesn't catch my eye and I think I would find it easier to go against him--in the rebelling sense, not the physical one.

[Becs3740]

Thanks Latise was trying to have a tablet free day today but had to finally give in. Got a pillow under my knees at the moment and will put ice on them later.

You do make me lol. Im not happy that you had to use the cane but you make me laugh the way you write about it. lol

[crankerchick]

Laughter is good for the soul, or something like that. Glad I can entertain someone with my wit.

Sarah, I definitely relate. Right now, at this very moment, I just want to leave work (I'm stuck here waiting on my project manager to review my technical report). Even sitting on the stationary bike to nowhere is better then being at work. In the more general sense, right now I just I would just like to walk without limp so I can put the cane back in my car and go do some photographs of the sunset. It's a tad cloudy which usually makes for good colors in the sky. I also wouldn't mind hopping on my bike to go take said photographs and finish it off by walking the dog and running around with him a bit (we don't have a dog but my in-laws are in town and brought theirs).

I am happy to see you any time.
Please contact me directly if you have any questions or concerns - it will likely be more efficient that way.

I assume the 2 lines to total 4 were your name to start and his to finish. I say with that info just give him a call. Do you have a number directly to him?

I try to never call my docs direct cell number unless it is really big, like when I felt like I was high as a kite and entering an alternate reality (except that I hadn't taken any drugs) and once when I had pain in my good leg and was worried about a blood clot, and both times he said I did the right thing by calling. Usually I just shoot him an email and he responds right away or calls if it is something that needs more than a quick email response. Maybe your docs quick, short answers at times are a result of just being busy at that moment. If he said to call, then I think I think I would just call, that way you can hold him hostage on the line until he gives the answer you want to hear, LOL,or possibly get hung up on, which would give you just cause to hit him with a crutch when you next see him. I would avoid the strangulation method you spoke of earlier, as that is attempted murder. Assualt has a much lighter penalty. Plus with crutches you can always say it was an accident caused by tripping. You don't accidentally find yourself strangling someone.

[sarbah77]

Laughter is good for the soul, or something like that. Glad I can entertain someone with my wit.

If he said to call, then I think I think I would just call, that way you can hold him hostage on the line until he gives the answer you want to hear, LOL,or possibly get hung up on, which would give you just cause to hit him with a crutch when you next see him. I would avoid the strangulation method you spoke of earlier, as that is attempted murder. Assualt has a much lighter penalty. Plus with crutches you can always say it was an accident caused by tripping. You don't accidentally find yourself strangling someone.

So I just read that out loud to my husband.  I was unable to get through it without busting up with laughter.

Anyway, he doesn't REALLY want me to call him.  After I called and left a message with the almost instant call back... the message from my OS was for me to email him.  So I did.  And you can see where that got me.  Yes, the other two lines were my name and then his name.  (I'm always a little weirded out by the fact that he always just says "Hey Sarah, it's Bruce."  It is, clearly, but I'm just not comfortable calling him - of all people! - by his first name.  Whatever.)

The conversation on the day died there.  Well, it died after my reply to that.  My husband congratulated me on a large amount of passive-aggressivity in my initial email to the OS.  But he and I are starting to think there's just something going on in his head, with regards to me, that hasn't come out yet.  Usually, we pick up on it, but this time, well, I just don't know.  My DH thinks that the OS is waiting until the somewhat arbitrary six month mark to decide if it's likely the plate is causing my pain.  He also thinks that the OS probably gave me a perfectly valid answer but that I just don't want to hear it - if it hurts, don't do it.  If doing anything causes hurt, do nothing.  And then let me know how it goes.  My DH thinks that I just want to hear an answer that's less passive and more, er, aggressive?  Oh, bad pun aside, I mean active.  The DH is likely right about the OS.

I feel that I should throw in more abbreviations while I'm at it, but given I speak in code at work, maybe not.  (And then there's how the code is pronounced - it changes from department to department.  My last boss called LNCUR lin-cur.  Current boss says El En See You Arr.  Current boss also says FACAW as fah-caw and the last one said Eff A See You Double-You)

However, in refernce to the above quoted part, I think I will keep that in mind.  Especially since seeing my OS usually means there's a PA in the room, as well.  More witnesses and that's never good.  Tripping with crutches is a much better accident.

(For all who might not see the humor in this, please understand that I will not ever intentionally damage my surgeon, as he is an excellent surgeon who really does care... but there have been many times in the past 5 years when he has just made me want to bang my head against the wall.  This current round is one of them)

It's going to be hard for me to NOT say anything for the next 12 days, unless I wake up healed.  There's just not going to be a point, if things hold steady.  I do have PT tomorrow and I might vent at my PT a bit and get his sense of things.  By which I mean "what the heck is WRONG with my OS?"

I'm sorry you had to work late.  Perhaps you should have tripped with your cane near your project manager?

[crankerchick]

:-) Glad you found that funny. It always makes me happy when people are laughing but I'm not the brunt of the joke. Unfortunately I have a speak before I think personality, and that means most times people are laughing AT me in some fashion, rather than with me. Thank goodness for the 'Modify' button on kneegeeks!

I'm sorry you had to work late.  Perhaps you should have tripped with your cane near your project manager?

Hah, I wish I had thought of that yesterday! I finally was able to leave at 715 after reviewing the doc with the project manager and making some more changes. U-G-H!

So, here's a piece of update for my more quiet followers that for whatever reason like to know my progress. Today I finally did 2x10 "dips" without holding the rail. For those that may not know, the "dips" are when I stand on the aerobic step on the bad leg, and then try to toe-touch down to the floor with the good leg. This basically requires you to bend with all your weight on the bad leg. I did this with 1 set of risers under the step. I guess that makes it about a 4" step. So yeah, go me.

I also walked up the 2 flights of stairs in my house like a normal person (1 foot after the other) without holding on to anything. Some of it was more of a hop, but at least I did it.

Less walking at work today, but so far no cane :-)

[Becs3740]

Well done Latise. I was getting really good at dips but have had to stop them because they hurt my knee and plate area so much. Thats really good be able to do the stairs normally without holding on to anything. I tried to do that today because i had my arms full and couldn't hold on but my knee felt very weak and didn't like me putting all that weight through it so had to do the annoying one step at a time 

Well done with the progress

[crankerchick]

Ah, the one step at a time. It IS so annoying!

So...advice! I need some.

I've been thinking lately about going to Houston for a few days and work with the physical therapist there. I guess I would likely have a visit with the doc too, since I would be out there. It's not that I'm not satisfied with my physiotherapist here, because I am (I think). But he's not the doctor's pt and I know he's never treated someone with my kind of surgery before. Not that my surgery is all prima donna unique and what not, but still.

I'm just looking for some validation that the exercises I'm doing are the right ones to be doing to push myself the hardest. I'm paranoid that I'm not doing enough and I feel like a trip to Houston would allow me to really assess where I am, where I need to be, and what I need to do to get there and if what I'm currently doing in PT and on my own are in line with those goals.

But the rub: money. Do I really need to spend the travel $ for a check-up?

Oh the decisions. I've spared no expense on my leg so far throughout this journey, but still, I don't want to be silly and just throw money around for peace of mind when its probably unwarranted and me just being impatient and paranoid.

Ugh. I wish I could just walk right. I wish my leg didn't feel so weird when I bend it. I wish it didn't still hurt in places. It fills my head with doubt. My doc can answer questions, but emails and phone calls don't fix doubt.

Which brings me to the other thing on my mind. My leg. oh wait, I already said that. It just feels weird. Not bad weird, just weird like who knew that having your leg rearranged would feel weird? Everything feels "wrong" when I use my leg, which I guess makes sense since its all different from before. But still.

I just want some confirmation that the way it feels is normal and that what I'm doing so far is the right regimen.

But still, I'm in a good mood, and I hope that shows in my post. I'm not mad or frustrated, I'm just not confident. And me and a lack of confidence don't go well together.

And I know I could have a worse position to be in that trying to decide whether to spend $1,000 for peace of mind. Things could be bad, i could be in ridiculous pain, or worse, my kneecap could be popping out, so I'm grateful. There are worse positions to be in than this. But still, GAH!

[Becs3740]

Hi Latise,

Its hard to say what would be the best for you to do. I know im no doctor or physio but from what you have been saying on here you seem to be doing quite well for 6 months post op even though it may not feel it at times. It also sounds that you are doing alot more physio than i was doing.

Im quite lucky because my mum works at a physio clinic so knows quite a few physios. Because the physio at the hospital wasn't helping i have seen a few different physios that my mum knows through her work. All of them gave me a few of the same exercises but then some of them gave me some others as well. I managed to make up my own home programme from mixing the exercises that i felt made me better.

As you have said it is alot of money to spend for a check up but you will be getting a second opinion. But to you is it worth spending that money to put your mind at rest and also try and get some of your confidence back?

For months my leg felt really weird. Sometimes when i was walking it didn't feel right and i wasn't sure what position was my new normal. I was so used to my foot turning in that when i stepped forward it felt really awkward having my foot straight. It took me quite a while to adjust and im still doing that now. When i was 6 months post op i told doctors and physios that it still felt weird and they told me that it was only 6 months since the surgery and that my muscles had been in a certain position for 22 years and that 6 months isn't long enough for them to get used to being in a different position and to work differently.