Neil,
I'm not sure whether you're still checking things here, but if SLRs are the only thing that doesn't irritate your joint, you might consider doing SLRs in different formats.
The further back you recline while doing a SLR, the more you use your hip flexors and not your quad/VMO. You might try sitting in a chair and doing a SLR that way with weights.
The other thing to consider is when you are doing other exercises that you say irritate your joint, do they irritate from the first rep? or are you like me, if one feels good, 20 must feel better? You might want to try a variety of exercises and limit them severely. Try spreading out the reps during the day (like a small squat...doing maybe 5 reps of 30 degree squats....several times a day)
Also try to add in some balancing exercises. Bosu ball balancing, helps work those small proprioceptor muscles, which in turn help protect the knee. Just standing on one leg (not fully extended) also helps.
Good luck, hope you stave off any surgery -
marjan