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Offline JoniF

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Re: Scared
« Reply #15 on: November 21, 2008, 02:11:25 PM »
Hi Adrienne,

Thank you so much for your reply.  It really means alot especially from someone who completely understands what you're going through.  I go back to my os in Jan. and I am trying to build up the courage to decide whether or not to have the surgery.  I just don't know if I'm ready to undergo the pain, the rehab and take the time off of work.  I find it so frustrating to have to go through another major surgery when all others failed.  I almost feel as though why wasn't this option offered to me sooner....

How are you feeling?  How is your recovery?

Thank you for listening,
Joni
1989 Lateral Release, debridement, and arthroscopic surgery - lk
1996 TTT, Elmslie-trillat procedure, lateral release and debridement - lk
1997 Debridement and hardware removal - lk
2006 Lateral Release, 2 meniscus tears repaired, & acl repair - lk
2008 Sev Patella Effusion - rt knee

Offline fatcats6

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Re: Scared
« Reply #16 on: November 22, 2008, 06:59:50 AM »
Hey Joni,

I reckon knee surgery is probably one of the worst things, I know know why gangster used to shoot people in the kneecap...absolutely buggered them!  You need a "pro" and "con" list for the surgery...how bad are you now, what is the success rate for the surgery, will your life better better with successful surgery, what happens if it's not a success, can you wait or does it just get worse and worse.  I drilled through my knuckle once and sat for about half and hour trying to decide whether to reverse the drill out of my hand to to drill forward (ended up going forward).  Making the decision is the hardest part, once you've decided everything seems to get clearer and you're ready to tackle whatever is thrown at you.

I'm sick of being immobile, I'm 5 weeks post fracture, so I have just over a week to go till I'm back at the Fracture Clinic and I'm praying that I haven't done anything to the tendons or ligaments and I can start to rehab and get my knee bending again.  Like you, work comes into play, I have 8 weeks to be driving and bending to at least 90 degrees, I've been off work with another injury (which sadly contributed to both falls)so I would really like my knees to behave themselves so I can go back to work with the least amount of anxiety possible.  I hate the thought of going back on crutches, I hate being stared at!

If there's no further damage to the 2nd knee, I think I'm doing ok.  I'm am so NOT looking forward to the rehab again.  I sort of forgot how horrible it was until my lovely sister reminded me I cried every time I did it, 3 times a day.  Maybe it will be easier this time because I didn;t have surgery?  Who knows...but I know if you don't do the work, you're stuffed, so I'll scream and cry and get better as quickly as I can.

How are you doing?
Feb 08 Fractured left patella
Jul 08 Released 115 degrees ROM
17/10/08 Dislocated & fractured right patella
2/12 45 deg
6/12 Drove car
16/12 92 deg
21/1 105 deg discharged from PT

Offline JoniF

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Re: Scared
« Reply #17 on: November 22, 2008, 09:16:31 PM »
Hii Adrienne,

I'm in alot of pain with both knees; however, after all the surgery failures on the left knee, I'm terrified to have anything done on the right knee.  My left knee gets more painful as the days go on.  I guess I just scaed as I live alone and as far as I can tell I woun't have alot of help during the recovery period.  I feeli so limited as far as daily activities (walking long ditances, siting too long, stairs, etc.).

I'm sorry for your frustration.  I remember when I had my TTT and I had to be immobile for 6 weeks with ho weight bearing.At the time I was living with someone so it made thisngs much easier.  When will you go back to work?  What type of work do you do?  I have a desk job, so if the surgery isn't a major as I think it might be, I will be able to go back to work fairly quickly.

I agree with you about the rehab, but you've done it before and you will overcome the pain and get your quality of life back.  You sound like me, just push through the pain and do what needs to done to get back to some sense of normalcy.  I've learned not to complain or talk about my knees anymore to my mother and sister because they just don't seem to understand.  My mom is the type of person that if you tell her your knee hurts, hers does to and it's worse than yours.  My sister seems to get annoyed when she hears that my knee is still bothering me.  She tells me things like how much more surgery are you going to have?  Umm until it's better and doesn't hurt anymore is my answer.  I am also not one for attention.  When I injured my right knee and was in an immobilizer and on crutches, everyone coddled me and if I had to answerr another what did you so? or what happened questions again, I thought I'd go mad.  I prefer to make sure everyone else is taken care of and not draw the attention to myself.  I also noticed that alot of the people who I thought were friends disapeared after me having to decline offeres to go out for drinks or dancing due to med and knee restrictions.  Injury can make it for a very lonely go.

Today I am elevating as much as possible as both knees seem to be doing me in today.  I was supposed to go out today, but had to cancel.  So I'm spending a nice day with my pooch, the television and my computer.  It's really nice to talk with people who are going through similar situations and understand that you are not just complaining to have something to say.

Hope you're feeling better.

Take care,
Joni
1989 Lateral Release, debridement, and arthroscopic surgery - lk
1996 TTT, Elmslie-trillat procedure, lateral release and debridement - lk
1997 Debridement and hardware removal - lk
2006 Lateral Release, 2 meniscus tears repaired, & acl repair - lk
2008 Sev Patella Effusion - rt knee

Offline fatcats6

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Re: Scared
« Reply #18 on: November 23, 2008, 12:41:31 AM »
Hi Joni,

Oh I totally get where you're coming from.  I don't talk about my knees either.  What's the point, no one else gets it, unless their a KneeGeek, you can see their eyes glaze over.....I've had people make the stupidest comments and I'm never sure if I should slap them, laugh or cry, most of what people say isn't very helpful, so I tend to stay away from people and spend the first 6 weeks inside the house, once the brace is off, I venture out abit more and by the time I get to 90 degrees, I'm pretty cabin-feverish and don't care if people stare. My sister only says "God, I couldn't do what you're doing, you're amazing" so that's nice.

I'm hoping to be back at work by the end of Jan 09.  I fell down the stairs at work and hurt my shoulder, had surgery and something went wrong, so I've been off work at home for 3 years...that's no life so I decided I'd deal with the pain from that injury and get back into work, a social life and see how I go.  To say I'm anxious about all that would be an understatement...I could have done without a knee injury on top of it all but it seems I'm not destined for an easy ride.  I'm hoping for some kind of miracle that by being back at work and a life not focused on pain and injury that it will sort of retreat into the background abit.  Who knows.  I work for the Tax Office in Australia.  It's a horrible place to work, the internal politics are pretty full on, everyone trying to claw their way up the preverbial ladder and not caring who they stomp on in the process.  I don't do well in that type of environment, I like natural justice and the place is devoid of it.  I hope to be going back to a job that required no lifting or carrying stuff, just a desk job, data entry or appeals and reviews.  I don't get much of a say in where I'm sent.  It'll be interesting when I show up on crutches...like to see me carry anything on crutches, a cup of tea is impossible so......

I can relate to living alone too.  I have a 17 year old son, but he disappears for days at a time to his girlfriend's, some 20km away, and because he has to rely on lifts home from her parents, a day visit can turn into 3-4 days.  I feel extremely isolated and get very depressed trying to get to the toilet, eat anything, I think I lived on apples, pears, oranges, peanut butter sandwiches, biscuits and cans of tuna, I'd fill a watter bottle and just drink that.  I was too scared to have a shower for about 2 weeks and everywhere I went, so did the phone, just incase I fell again. 
 
I had most of my friends disappear over the last 3 years, you're right, as soon as you can't go to dinner, the movies, drink, bike etc, it doesn't take long for people to stop calling and even if you call them, you've got nothing to talk about because you're stuck at home reading junk mail and watching daytime tv:)  Oh dear, this is beginning to sound abit depressing and I'm not wanting to make you feel down.

I know it's hard to know what to do, you swing from wanting something better and the fear you'll end up with something worse and no one can tell you for sure which it is you'll get....

I think everyone with knee injuries comes across people who think a broken bone = 6 weeks and you're good to go..if only hey!  It's pretty hard to not feel life is passing you by when you're in the early stages of recovery.  Once I get mobile, drive and walk, I just give everything a red hot go until my knees say no more thanks.  I know I'll never kneal again, never wear anything but flat shoes and I'm just fine with that. Let me drive and let me walk under my own steam, even if it has to be with one crutch some times, I'm be grateful for that.

You know, I have big fat british Shorthaired cats, the closest thing to a dog in the cat world and I love having them cuddle up next to me when I'm watching a movie, it's comforting and they know when you're having a bad day and their unconditional love makes it a better day regardless of the pain.

Enjoy the tv and the pooch, not such a bad day really:)

Adrienne
Feb 08 Fractured left patella
Jul 08 Released 115 degrees ROM
17/10/08 Dislocated & fractured right patella
2/12 45 deg
6/12 Drove car
16/12 92 deg
21/1 105 deg discharged from PT

Offline JoniF

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Re: Scared
« Reply #19 on: November 25, 2008, 08:38:08 PM »
Not a good day today.  had to take off of work as I must have overdone done it yesterday just going to the grocery store.  Just feel like crying as I don't know where to put myself today.  My right (good knee - severe patella effusion) is doing loads better; however, my weaker left (surgical knee) is hurting soo bad.

Sorry this post is soo depressing, gonna go crawl under the covers now.

Take care,
Joni
1989 Lateral Release, debridement, and arthroscopic surgery - lk
1996 TTT, Elmslie-trillat procedure, lateral release and debridement - lk
1997 Debridement and hardware removal - lk
2006 Lateral Release, 2 meniscus tears repaired, & acl repair - lk
2008 Sev Patella Effusion - rt knee

Offline fatcats6

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Re: Scared
« Reply #20 on: November 25, 2008, 09:35:46 PM »
Have you come out from under the covers yet?  Get's pretty hot under there, even worse if you're crying.  Get the ice, get the pooch and the tissues, just keep the pooch and the tissues apart:)  I hate pain and just wish it would give you a decent break every now and again.

Adrienne
Feb 08 Fractured left patella
Jul 08 Released 115 degrees ROM
17/10/08 Dislocated & fractured right patella
2/12 45 deg
6/12 Drove car
16/12 92 deg
21/1 105 deg discharged from PT

Offline JoniF

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Re: Scared
« Reply #21 on: November 26, 2008, 07:19:02 PM »
Hi Adrienne,

I just replied to you on your diary :).  Finally made it out of the covers.  Still in quite a bit of pain though :'(.  Stupid Knees!!!  I feed the homeless at a church with a co-worker of mine once a month, so I had to come into work today.  I'm just hoping that my knees will hold up.  I really enjoy doing it and I feel like I am truly making a difference in someone's life so I will push through the pain.

Hope you're having a pain-free day yourself.

Take care,
Joni
1989 Lateral Release, debridement, and arthroscopic surgery - lk
1996 TTT, Elmslie-trillat procedure, lateral release and debridement - lk
1997 Debridement and hardware removal - lk
2006 Lateral Release, 2 meniscus tears repaired, & acl repair - lk
2008 Sev Patella Effusion - rt knee















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