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Offline rkneepain

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Having a moment
« on: October 16, 2008, 05:43:07 AM »
To my fellow knee friends.....
                                            Sorry to vent,  having a hard day.  Had pt today, only 2 visits left thanks to my insurance, anyways...I still can't bend my knee past 50/60 degrees!  I am 9wks post sx, and still on crutches.  I can finally wt bear slightly, but of course when I try more pressure my knee spasms out and I cry due to pain.  I had the lateral release/vmo imbrication + RSD added on.  I am doing my exercises, and I am disapointing everyone.  They all thought I'd be running the marathon by now, well, atleast walking& driving.  I can see the frustration in my doc,pt, and in my family.  I feel like the biggest failure.  I am usually a very strong person, hell when I used to work I was saving animals lives for a living in a emergency hosp.  Now.....everyone is helping me.  I can see it in there eyes that they are sick of it.  They don't say it but I know.  I do alot for myself, I even eat standing up in the kitchen when I am alone due to the fact I can't carry a plate full of food to the table(tried, not a pretty site)
   I go to the doc's on the 17th he will hurt the hell out of my knee.  I am petrified to go, I have had this knee problem since I was a kid and I don't like anyone near my knee.  The pt has recomended a cpm? machine to the doc to see if that will help me bend.  Anyone out there have a good experience with this machine?  Or any ideas?  Anyone having a long recovery besides me?  I just wish I could move things along faster and make everyone happy.  My recovery has been awful, I thought it was a time for me to heal and take care of myself, well it's 1230a and I should be sleeping.  I always have so much on my mind, and have been so scared about my knee and my recovery because I am not where everyone thinks I should be.  My knee is holding the cards, I am trying so hard, and it's stuck, only bends so far before I cry and can't take it any more.  I am so tired and weak, and just so friggin frustrated!  I just want to wake up tomorrow and walk.
  I am sorry friends to vent, I hope all you are doing well.

  Best wishes, Karen
« Last Edit: October 17, 2008, 10:14:50 PM by rkneepain »

Offline maryc

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Re: Having a moment
« Reply #1 on: October 16, 2008, 06:52:09 AM »
((((((Karen))))) that's for a start.  You need to know that what you see in peoples eyes isn't that they are sick of you having knee problems, what you are seeing is concern for you.  They are trying to will you better and don't know how to help.  I know how hard it is for an independant person to need help for almost everything.
I used a cpm in the hospital, it worked for me, but everyone is different.
Take care of yourself
Sending healing rays your way
8/4/07 fell
8/5 diagnosed TPF
8/6 surgery plate and 6 screws
8/12 out of hospital NWM
8/21 staples removed
9/18 OS appt - WBAT with crutches
10/10 - WBAT with cane
10/27 - back to work w/cane
12/26 - no cane, slight limp when tired
1/25/08 - released from PT, no limp
2/3/09 - Released by OS

Offline eaglemom

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Re: Having a moment
« Reply #2 on: October 16, 2008, 02:47:45 PM »
First of all Karen this is the place to vent - I would assume all of us here know and understand all of your feelings.  The bottom line is that you are not where you want to be healing wise.  Again we've all been there.  Let's go back to basics - you need to elevate your leg with ice.  Not just of a sofa with leg under pillows, but truely elevate that leg above your heart, and ice it.  I finally found that on the sofa if I lay flat about 5 or 6 pillows at the end with me flat gets me in that position.  Its certainly not pretty getting there but once there I am comfortable.  You might be having issues because of swelling and simply not knowing it - knee's are odd that way.  Ice about 12-15 minutes and off 1 hour, if you can stay in the elevated position do it - your knee will thank you for it!  Are you eating much salt in your diet?  If so cut the salt out - water retention and swelling.  When laying do heal pumps - keeps the blood flowing and you can never ever do too many.  I've not used a cmp machine but at this point why not try it?  See if they can get you an electric ice machine to go with the cmp - that would be excellent for you.

What your seeing in peoples eyes is concern for you and your recovery.  No one likes to see anyone hurting and frustrated, both of which you are.  I'd also get yourself back on scheduled main medicine routine to get the pain under control.  Having said that the pain medication might be causing some of your anxiety - its nasty stuff but you need it so take it on a schedule and see if those things might not help somewhat.  Hang in there, we've all been right there and understand.  eagle

Offline rkneepain

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Re: Having a moment
« Reply #3 on: October 16, 2008, 03:24:03 PM »
Thank you knee friends for all your kind words and advice!
   I was so having a "poor me"  moment. :'(   I try not to complain to family and friends any more about my knee, I basically just keep my mouth shut and try to be so thankful for all that they do.  I have to put on my fake smile every day to disguise alot because I feel like everyone is sick of my knee.  I hope my doc will give that machine a try for me tomorrow if I survive the appt. Ha-ha!  I feel like I'm going to pass out every time he comes near my knee!  I wil also go back to icing it.  I hav'nt in a long time.  I have given up on it because it never seems to go down no matter how much I did in the past.  I had also given up on the pain meds because they added nerve pain meds to me.  I take those but had laid off the others.  I was told to take both but didn't want to be on planet mars if you know what I mean ha-ha!  Maybe a space trip is needed once in a while to help the pain.  I just feel like such a bother to everone and can't wait to do what I used to do!  I'm so sad I am missing out on so many things with my kids...my daughters swimming at school, etc..., a motorcycle run with my guy on sun.  I am getting impatient and feel like a cruel joke has been played on me.  I send well wishes to everone else and kind messeges to keep them going but when it comes to me....I can't bring myself up.  I didn't realize how long this would take.  At first I thought it would be a nice vacation from work, time to slow me down and realize what I need to appreciate.  This is not funny any more.  It is like time has stopped and I just watch everyone move on but me...like a bad movie ha-ha.  I really hope everyone else is ok out there!  Thank you again for all the well wishes!
« Last Edit: October 16, 2008, 04:55:17 PM by rkneepain »

Offline rkneepain

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Re: Having a moment
« Reply #4 on: October 20, 2008, 08:22:33 PM »
Just an update...
                         Seeing a pain specialist now, hope to get the RSD under control, then maybe I can get walking, and bending my knee!  There is more on my post-op diary! 

Offline JustMeInNC

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Re: Having a moment
« Reply #5 on: October 21, 2008, 10:25:02 AM »
Im right there with you on the long recovery. I had a Lateral Release done almost 6 months ago. I am still in horrible pain. It hurts to walk, sit heck do anything. I have only 65 degrees ROM in this leg. I am doing the exercises that they gave me in PT, they aren't helping, and my therapist says that im not doing them enough. not doing enough just want do you want me to do im in tears every time that i do them. Its just getting to the point that Im at the end of my rope and dont know what else to do. But on the up side I have decided that no matter what i do my knee is going to kill me so so I am taking my horse to a show this weekend and showing in a few of the walk trot classes, that will help me feel better (even if it is only spiritually)
I'm so busy that I'm not sure if I lost my horse or just found my lead rope.

1989 - Right Knee - don't rember what they did
1997 - Right Knee - Orthoscopic clean up again
2000 - LR on left knee
2001 - LR on right knee
2008 -LR on right knee (again)
9-18-2009 - Maquet osteotomy right knee

Offline rkneepain

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Re: Having a moment
« Reply #6 on: October 21, 2008, 05:36:07 PM »
Hi there!
              I am so happy to hear from you!  I started to read your post the other day and had been meaning to get in touch!  I wish I had never had the sx done!!  I think I am going backwards with my knee.  It is stiffening up worse.  Next pt I will probably only get it bent 30/40.  The Os is more concerned that I am not walking on it yet.  I am still trying to get a hold of a cpm machine.  I dont even know if it will help now almost 10wks later!  The medical place is going to try to get me a walker, I want to try to practice at home without crutches, my muscles are just so weak to go without anything, don't know how I am going to handle the pain though ha-ha.  I will catch up on your post tonight, but I am so happy you said hi!  I have someone now who had the same thing done as me!  I have a friend who owns 2 horses, she just gives trail rides, but has riden since she was a kid, and finally bought her own when she hit forty, I told her she only has one life and to do what makes her happy!  She was hepling at a barn and she bought a horse cheap and gets free board and does the trail  rides for the owner.  They are beautiful animals!!!
  Cant wait to chat soon.....sending some sunshine your way!!!
     Karen....... 

Offline JustMeInNC

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Re: Having a moment
« Reply #7 on: October 21, 2008, 05:48:57 PM »
Well thank you and I am glad that I have met someone that is in the same boat with the lovely recovery that i am having. my OS tired the synivic injections and so far it is the biggest waste of money that i have ever spent (i just shudder to think of what i could have gotten my horses for $200, mind you they dont NEED anything but we all know how that goes) Definatly keep in touch nice to have friends that understand what it is that I am going thru. ;D
I'm so busy that I'm not sure if I lost my horse or just found my lead rope.

1989 - Right Knee - don't rember what they did
1997 - Right Knee - Orthoscopic clean up again
2000 - LR on left knee
2001 - LR on right knee
2008 -LR on right knee (again)
9-18-2009 - Maquet osteotomy right knee

Offline rkneepain

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Re: Having a moment
« Reply #8 on: October 22, 2008, 07:21:23 PM »
Hey Cheryl!  I left you a post on your post op diary.  I also forgot to ask if you can tell me more about the injections.  I don't know if I should go that way or not.
    Sending Sunshine.............
       Karen......

Offline JustMeInNC

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Re: Having a moment
« Reply #9 on: October 23, 2008, 06:00:53 PM »
As for the shots...... i can sum it up with something that my youngest said. I took him with me to the doctor to get the last injection in my knee, I had set the injection in between his seat and mine in the car and he picked it up and was looking at it. He said wow it looks just like water. Well that is about how effective they where for me, they could have injected me with water and I would not have been able to tell the difference.
I can think of LOTS of things that I could have used that $200 for that would have been better that spending it on those stupid shots!
I'm so busy that I'm not sure if I lost my horse or just found my lead rope.

1989 - Right Knee - don't rember what they did
1997 - Right Knee - Orthoscopic clean up again
2000 - LR on left knee
2001 - LR on right knee
2008 -LR on right knee (again)
9-18-2009 - Maquet osteotomy right knee

Offline karen smith

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Re: Having a moment
« Reply #10 on: October 24, 2008, 05:45:27 PM »
Vent your feelings, it's the best way.  I had similar surgery a couple of time.  Whilst you should keep active, standing on it too much will not do it any favours.  I, like you am very independant and learned the hard way.  It is impossible to carry food to a table.  Just been reminded of that following an osteotomy.  Can you get someone to set up a foldable foot steps/stool.  You can get them that are like a high stool when open so you don't have to bend to sit down but can take the weight odd you bad knee. 

Also, whilst exercise is good you don't want to over do it.  Too much can cause internal swelling, so find oa happy medium.  I'm a fine one to talk, I always get told off by my physio. 

Whatever you do though, don't give up.  If necessary, ask to see another srgeon for a 2nd opinion.  It doesn't mean you don't trust or dislike your current practitioner and they will understand.  Doing this may however bring to their attention the seriousness of your current problems.  Doing this worked for me, it may work for you. 
 

Offline fatcats6

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Re: Having a moment
« Reply #11 on: October 25, 2008, 09:26:42 PM »
I justed loved your "having a moment", it made me smile.  I let myself have one of those a day.  I cry, I yell, I curse the step ladder that collapsed and hurt me this badly, I ask why, oh why and I laugh hysterically at the fact I'm even doing all of this and then I say "Ok that's enough, stop it".  It feels like a relief to get out all that pent up emotion.  I also find then that I don't erupt in front of my son and scare the hell out of him.

It's early in the morning and I'm looking out my bedroom window at a pink rose blowing in the breeze, every bloom is just perfect.  Today, that's the thing I'll be greatful for, true beauty, right outside my bedroom window.  Got to look for the positives.
Feb 08 Fractured left patella
Jul 08 Released 115 degrees ROM
17/10/08 Dislocated & fractured right patella
2/12 45 deg
6/12 Drove car
16/12 92 deg
21/1 105 deg discharged from PT

Offline rkneepain

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Re: Having a moment
« Reply #12 on: October 26, 2008, 02:26:11 AM »
Hi Girls! To Karen& fatcat ha-ha...
                           Having a busy wknd, will reply on sunday.  Thank you so much for dropping by!   The kind words help so much!  I hope you are both resting easy tonight and look forward to finding or hearing about your stories!  Ok going to bed, pain meds are kicking in :o
    Sending Sunshine your way!!
       Karen...........

Offline fatcats6

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Re: Having a moment
« Reply #13 on: October 26, 2008, 03:32:44 AM »
I love your "I pray my cat doesn't trip me up on my crutches".  I have a different prayer....I hope my cat doesn't vomit on the carpet and just gets the tiles:)  Seriously, the fat cat is pressed up against my good thigh, lookking up at me lovingly and rewarding me with a huge purr at the slightest pat.  This loving little animal is my saviour, he rarely leaves me side and if the tears come, he talks to me and somehow it makes it better. I loved the cats before, now I really appreciate them.  No wonder they take pests into hospitals.

Feb 08 Fractured left patella
Jul 08 Released 115 degrees ROM
17/10/08 Dislocated & fractured right patella
2/12 45 deg
6/12 Drove car
16/12 92 deg
21/1 105 deg discharged from PT

Offline rkneepain

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Re: Having a moment
« Reply #14 on: October 26, 2008, 05:35:59 PM »
To fatcat....
                   Hey there!  I laughed at the vomit commit!  I hate when my cate throws up on the rug and I'm by myself!!!  I try not to fall over off the crutches to clean it up ha-ha-ha.  She is always under my feet making me crazy!  I swear she will trip me one of these days.  Do you have a post op diary?  I have'nt had a chance to look yet.  I was curious about your knee story.  I see your from Australia...It must be beautiful there.  I was wondering how you still had flowers outside your window :)   I am from Boston, Mass.  It was so windy and rainy last night.  The frost has killed off most of the flowers, but the leaves on the trees are just beautiful, it is deffinetly fall here.  Do you just have one pet?  Thats all I have.  I have been so discouraged with my knee, it has been such a long recovery.  I think a second opinion is comming soon.  It is so nice to have new friends on here, hope to chat soon.
   Sending Sunshine your way....
       Karen........