Banner - Hide this banner





Author Topic: Has anyone felt lonely since their operation?  (Read 4788 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Amanda1975

  • Regular Poster
  • ***
  • Posts: 88
  • Liked: 0
  • Always been clumsy but this was not my fault
Has anyone felt lonely since their operation?
« on: August 18, 2007, 10:35:34 PM »
I am married and have 2 kids and feel awful saying this, but since the operation I have felt very lonely.  I have relatives that live less than 10 mins away and in the 2 months since the operation I can count the times I have seen them on one hand.  I am struggling to walk, don't drive and Hubby works long hours so I cannot exactly get out there to them. 

Also its summer break and friends that I saw a lot of last summer (when I was without crutches and more able to join in) I have hardly seen at all.  They say you need a support network whilst recovering from surgery.  My support network took their healthy knees and got up and walked leaving me behind.

I actually can't wait until September when I will at least see people on the school run.  I should be walking a bit better then.

Amanda

Degenerative Left Knee due to Maltracking Patellar Grade 3-4
Operation 25th June 2007
Lateral Release, Microfracture, shaved intrapatellar pad and Menisci Tidy Up
Right Knee chondromalacia patellar Grade 1
PT and HT awaiting review

Offline Nettan

  • SuperKNEEgeek
  • *****
  • Posts: 13862
  • Liked: 7
  • Stronger then yesterday...thanks Sis...
Re: Has anyone felt lonely since their operation?
« Reply #1 on: August 18, 2007, 10:45:47 PM »
Maybe a stupid question..have you phoned your friends ?
Surgery 6 times left knee torn meniscus, RSDS,chondromalacia, nervdamage cause constant nervpain,chronic inflamm.
Spinaldamage wheeler 100%.
Right knee damaged aug-06, use brace surgery 4/9-07.LCL tear.

Offline Patty0513

  • SuperKNEEgeek
  • *****
  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 3419
  • Liked: 0
Re: Has anyone felt lonely since their operation?
« Reply #2 on: August 18, 2007, 11:09:30 PM »
After one of my surgeries, I briefly felt sorry for myself because my co-workers hadn't called.  Then I realized that the phone works both ways..........I called them.

Pick-up the phone and call your friends and relatives.  People get busy with their own lives and they may not realize that you are lonely.

Take care and good luck with your recovery.

Patty


Offline suehaem

  • SuperKNEEgeek
  • *****
  • Posts: 582
  • Liked: 0
Re: Has anyone felt lonely since their operation?
« Reply #3 on: August 18, 2007, 11:26:51 PM »
Well one thing I can say is this site has kept me sane (whatever sane is  ;D). 

I felt lonely cause I was not able to do my normal activities and go out and chat with people.  What I do now is when I go for physio I arrange to see some friends and have lunch.  Obviously my normal network of friends are getting on with there day to day activities so I have to make my days as interesting as possible to beat getting bored. 

I make sure I speak to or see someone every day or I would be going up the walls.

Good luck

Sue
Fall from horse 04/04
Arthroscopy 27/07/07 -Grade III debridement
Re-injured knee running 1/03/08
Arthroscopy 11/10/08 - Grade II debridement
09/03/16 Fracture fib sking damage to knees
31/05/16 Grade 4 Chondromalacia and patella tilt (R)
17/11/16 Need new knee cap (L)knee
Awaiting Arthroscopy 2018

Offline UK Girl !

  • SuperKNEEgeek
  • *****
  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 5992
  • Liked: 0
Re: Has anyone felt lonely since their operation?
« Reply #4 on: August 19, 2007, 03:44:47 AM »
Hi Amanda

It could be that if you were one of the main organisers of activities then maybe none of your friends are doing much!! - and they are all missing out - perhaps you should organise a picnic in the park!

Hope you get back together with them soon -  also, it is prob not that they don't want to know you but with it being holidays they are very involved in their own families.
1978 - ruptured acl and all cartalidge removed.
several debridements over years
TKR 10TH JULY 2006 http://www.kneeguru.co.uk/KNEEtalk/index.php?topic=28257.0  Aug 07 patellar maltracking - more physio! Still pain - but so much better !
BIOMET AGC  TKR  (with 10 yr warranty !)

Offline plantgeek58

  • SuperKNEEgeek
  • *****
  • Posts: 1358
  • Liked: 0
Re: Has anyone felt lonely since their operation?
« Reply #5 on: August 19, 2007, 04:00:17 AM »
I agree with everyone else, Amanda. After I had my first surgery, which happened to be in summer, like yours, I started to feel abandoned, too. I got a little angry with my family and friends, until I realized that I hadn't really communicated my feelings to any of them. People aren't mind readers and if they haven't been where you are, they really may not understand what it's like. Get on the phone and say, "Hey, you guys, I'm going stir crazy here. Can you take me out for coffee and doughnuts or something?" Once they realized what I needed, my friends and family got on board and got me out and about a lot more with them.
Terre
RK 7/04 part. m. menisc., plica resect., MF
    3/05 part. m. menisc., open OATS
    1/07 part l. menisc., MF, patellar chondroplasty
    9/08 MF
LK 11/04 & 8/06 part m. menisc.
     7/07 LR, patellar tendon debrid., part m. menisc.

coolmum

  • Guest
Re: Has anyone felt lonely since their operation?
« Reply #6 on: August 19, 2007, 11:33:48 PM »
Hi there

I hope you feel better soon
It is a hard thing when you realise how many things you CANT do after surgery.
I have lost count of the times I have had to sit and watch my kids playing and doing activities with someone else, yet I dont mind because my surgery is so I CAN do more with my kids without my knee popping out all the time.
I dont have much family around, my mum and dadc have been great with the boys and I have had to rely on friends and family to do school runs, footy practice, doctors, PT, OS, shopping etc etc etc!!!
I suppose it is good to know that every week or day you get a little better and achieve new things!  It seems hard to believe in the begining but as long as you are determined everything will fall into place.
Having kids is tricky, my four year old found it all a bit hard to uinderstand some things, like why mum cant pick him up for cuddles.  He learnt though and they have been great, it is me that feels guilty sometimes but it passes!

Hope you are feeling a bit better!
cel

Offline rindsu

  • Regular Poster
  • ***
  • Posts: 77
  • Liked: 0
Re: Has anyone felt lonely since their operation?
« Reply #7 on: August 20, 2007, 03:58:46 AM »
After my injury and operation, I was pretty lonely.  My family is all on the other side of the country over 4000kms away.  I am new in town and really only knew a few people at work.  I was really on my own.  I staved off the insanity with the internet and the fact that I could hobble around a little.  I started to build model cars.  I blew out both knees at once so I was pretty screwed as far as driving and stuff.  It was a real test for me, and it's not over yet.  But you too can overcome this.
Who blows out both their knees at once?

Offline lilrosie06

  • SuperKNEEgeek
  • *****
  • Posts: 2723
  • Liked: 0
  • LIVE WELL. LAUGH OFTEN. LOVE MUCH.
Re: Has anyone felt lonely since their operation?
« Reply #8 on: September 29, 2007, 06:05:52 AM »
Hi Amanda....Throughout this whole knee ordeal with me, I have learned some things. First of all, people tend to "stay away" for fear of disturbing you. So, Ive also learned that I need to be verbal about things. I make sure everyone knows that I am bored...tired of sitting around, and would love to have company. I dont hesitate to say, hey, can we go out to dinner? Yep, Ive gotten, but what if you cant sit there? Are you sure you can do it? I just reply with I have an injury. I am still alive. Lets go....haha!! Just make sure people know how you feel. Like I said, people can get "stupid " about things like this....

Hope this helps....

Hugs...DONNA
LEFT KNEE INJURY-1-05
SCOPE 4-05, LR 1-07, TKR 6-07, MUA 7-07, REVISION 10-07, INFECTION CLEANOUT 11-07, REVISION 4-08, EXPLANT 2-09 ANTIBIOTIC SPACER PUT IN, AND PICC LINE FOR 6 WEEKS
REPLACEMENT 5-09

BACK IN PT NOW....HIP AND FOOT PAIN, POSSIBLY SCIATIC

Offline nhbob

  • MINIgeek (20-50 posts)
  • **
  • Posts: 45
  • Liked: 0
    • Website of my once active life
Re: Has anyone felt lonely since their operation?
« Reply #9 on: October 01, 2007, 01:18:40 PM »
Hi Amanda,

I just ruptured my quadricep tendon a week ago, and I know what you mean, I have had several friends drop by, and they have been great.... but I am so bored, and I have so far to go.  I live by myself in a small community in New Hampshire, I had just bought this house I'm in, and things were still not even totally unpacked (there are still several boxes in the basement that it seems I will not be opening for months from now).

I am glad I just found this kneeguru board, I hope it will help.  I am also trying to come up with some things to do, I had tried to learn to play mandolin a few years ago, never became very good, but now I think I will pull out the mandolin and try to get good at it.  I have to do something, this whole incident with my knee is devastating right now!

I see you originally posted your post in August, how are things going now?

Bob (a newbie here)
Ruptured Left Quadricep Tendon on 24 September 2007
Surgery 28 Sept 2007 (but suture anchor broke)
Surgery 03 Oct 2007 (OS did not use suture anchor 2nd time around)
Ruptured Disk in Back affecting S1 nerve 11 Dec 2007
Back Surgery 09 Jan 2008 to uncompress S1 nerve

Offline John42

  • SuperKNEEgeek
  • *****
  • *
  • *
  • *
  • *
  • *
  • *
  • *
  • *
  • *
  • *
  • *
  • *
  • *
  • *
  • *
  • *
  • Posts: 18234
  • Liked: 211
  • Complete Ruptered Patella Tendon 9 Jan 2003
    • Chat with SylviaK4221
Re: Has anyone felt lonely since their operation?
« Reply #10 on: October 01, 2007, 02:46:41 PM »
Hi Bob

If you let me have your e-mail address, I will let you have some rehab information.

Priority tip - sleep with a cushion or pillow between your legs.

Please be free to contact me any time and also suggest that you post your events on Kneegaru
webpage  ruptured quad tendon or The Patello Femoral Joint.

Best wishes

JohnK/ Manchester UK

[email protected]
Ruptured Patella Tendon January 9 2003
Slipped on black ice.  Manchester UK

Complete Ruptured Tendon

Offline fitnesskitty

  • SuperKNEEgeek
  • *****
  • Posts: 629
  • Liked: 1
  • "Nothing in this world worth having comes easy..."
Re: Has anyone felt lonely since their operation?
« Reply #11 on: October 01, 2007, 08:13:16 PM »
Hi Sue,

I just saw this post and know just how you feel.  I get down on myself alot, feeling hopeless and useless and like I will never get there, but we have to remember that we will all get there in our own time.  Where there is a will, there is a way.  I tell myself that I will beat this and be better than new.  When I get 90 degrees of flexion I am going to beg people to take me to dinner!!! I have been nowhere because I don't have enough flexion to really sit comfortable in a chair but I am going to push hard this week at PT and try to get the other 43 degrees of flexion so I can get that 90 degrees!!!!!  I am so desperate to get there.  I am 5 weeks post op and I have been told lots of people that had the surgery I had have trouble re-gaining range of motion at first so I am trying to go easy on myself but it's difficult.

Also remember that it is okay to cry once in awhile.  Sometimes we need it.  I learned that from a very kind soul on this site.  I do cry and feel hopeless from time to time, but at least we all have each other to lean on here.

Best of luck to you and I hope you are doing well!

Sarah
Aug 17 07 Injured
Aug 23 07 Open surgeryOct 18 07 No progress made at PT for awhile - stuck 52/53 degrees
Oct 23 07 Saw OS, wants second opinion from partner-ROM stuck 30-35
Nov 1, LR, LOA, MUA
PT 2X/week now, was 3X
Jan 8: ROM 134
Rest In Peace, Lucky!  I love and miss you so much!!!!!!!!

Offline nhbob

  • MINIgeek (20-50 posts)
  • **
  • Posts: 45
  • Liked: 0
    • Website of my once active life
Re: Has anyone felt lonely since their operation?
« Reply #12 on: October 01, 2007, 09:25:45 PM »
Hi Bob

If you let me have your e-mail address, I will let you have some rehab information, thank you very much, any and all information is very helpful!

Bob
« Last Edit: November 06, 2007, 01:15:13 PM by nhbob »
Ruptured Left Quadricep Tendon on 24 September 2007
Surgery 28 Sept 2007 (but suture anchor broke)
Surgery 03 Oct 2007 (OS did not use suture anchor 2nd time around)
Ruptured Disk in Back affecting S1 nerve 11 Dec 2007
Back Surgery 09 Jan 2008 to uncompress S1 nerve

Offline uufan

  • Regular Poster
  • ***
  • Posts: 146
  • Liked: 0
Re: Has anyone felt lonely since their operation?
« Reply #13 on: October 03, 2007, 06:08:42 AM »
hi, I am not lonly, my family and friends doing great job to keep me busy.  But the problem is that i was told that i have no chance to recover more than 50% of function, and they do not seem to understand it.  I made pease with situation myself, but they can not.
Inna
3/16/07
R-TPF+PF+tibial midshaft+ankle in car wrack
3/21/07IM nail, plate, wire
5/3/07immoblizer off
ROM40-7
5/31/07PWB 65-7
6/18/0790-10
6/28/07WBAT
7/9/07100-10
7/26/07ok to drive
OS told me to loose crutches
8/8/07lost cane 100-5
OS said that i will never walk independemtly(not true)

Offline fitnesskitty

  • SuperKNEEgeek
  • *****
  • Posts: 629
  • Liked: 1
  • "Nothing in this world worth having comes easy..."
Re: Has anyone felt lonely since their operation?
« Reply #14 on: October 05, 2007, 04:42:59 PM »
Hi uufan,

Perhaps you could bring a family member in with you the next time you see your doctor again so that they can understand what your doctor is saying and why he thinks that.  It might help.  I am so sorry to hear that you will not get to 100%.  Maybe you will do better than they ever thought possible.  You never know, but if not, at least you are at peace and that is important too.

Amanda, let your friends and family know you are lonely and ask them to visit.  Call them and have them call you.  Loneliness is awful and can make you feel depressed and that will not help.  You need to feel positive about your recovery.  You will have some bad days, but hang in there, surround yoursel with people and things you love and it will seem better while you recover.  I have felt lonely at times too and cried, etc, but I learned that you have to ask for what you want as some people might not want to disturb you or whatever, like lilrosie said.  Speak up.  You will also learn who your true friends are. 

Best of luck to you in your recovery.  Happy Friday!

Sarah

Hugs
Aug 17 07 Injured
Aug 23 07 Open surgeryOct 18 07 No progress made at PT for awhile - stuck 52/53 degrees
Oct 23 07 Saw OS, wants second opinion from partner-ROM stuck 30-35
Nov 1, LR, LOA, MUA
PT 2X/week now, was 3X
Jan 8: ROM 134
Rest In Peace, Lucky!  I love and miss you so much!!!!!!!!

Offline caren

  • SuperKNEEgeek
  • *****
  • Posts: 584
  • Liked: 1
  • here we are together
Re: Has anyone felt lonely since their operation?
« Reply #15 on: October 05, 2007, 07:56:49 PM »
Sarah thanks for starting this thread i too feel lonely alot of the time was used to working 50 hrs a week or more and now home with a dh that has just started a new job and is learning all kinds of new things and is so excited all i want to do is cry and just isolate my self from all of life I know that this is not a good thing and my dr redid my anti depressants but they just dont help alot have tried several different ones and could really care less

i trie to think that i will get over this but like others have said i have such a long way to go adn it is over whelming that i am no longer in control of what is happening to me since this is a wc issue

hope all have a great weekend

caren
Caren

Offline fitnesskitty

  • SuperKNEEgeek
  • *****
  • Posts: 629
  • Liked: 1
  • "Nothing in this world worth having comes easy..."
Re: Has anyone felt lonely since their operation?
« Reply #16 on: October 05, 2007, 08:09:47 PM »
Hi Caren,

I didn't start this thread but I am glad you are finding comfort in it.  You need to surround yourself with positive things and people.  It is very scary and overwhelming.  I am 6 weeks post op and frustrated with my ROM being at 55 despite the fact that my PT says I am progressing fine.  I want to be at my first goal of 90 degrees like now, five minutes ago, but we all have to learn the patience and allow ourselves to heal at our own pace.  I am having a hard time with it too but this site is so wonderful.  You will have good days and bad.  Remember to bring positive things and people into your life.  It really will help!  Hang in there and lean on the kneegeeks!  We all understand how you are feeling!

Sarah

HUGS!
Aug 17 07 Injured
Aug 23 07 Open surgeryOct 18 07 No progress made at PT for awhile - stuck 52/53 degrees
Oct 23 07 Saw OS, wants second opinion from partner-ROM stuck 30-35
Nov 1, LR, LOA, MUA
PT 2X/week now, was 3X
Jan 8: ROM 134
Rest In Peace, Lucky!  I love and miss you so much!!!!!!!!

Offline BUSTEDKNEEB

  • MICROgeek (<20 posts)
  • *
  • Posts: 9
  • Liked: 0
Re: Has anyone felt lonely since their operation?
« Reply #17 on: December 20, 2007, 09:03:43 AM »
I HEAR YA. I HAVE FELT SO LONELY CAUSE I COULDN'T GO ANYWHERE WITHOUT HELP. I WAS IN A WHEELCHAIR FOR TWO MONTHS AND LIVE UPSTAIRS APT. BY MYSELF. HOW DO YOU SCOOT DOWN AND UP WITH A WHEELCHAIR WITHOUT HELP? WELL, YOU CAN'T TOO EASY. IT IS HARD NOT TO NOTICE WHO COMES AND WHO DOESN'T TO HELP YOU AND SAY HI WHEN YOU ARE LIKE THAT...I AM OVERALL DISAPPOINTED IN MANY MANY PEOPLE. WHILE I KNOW EVERYONE HAS THEIR OWN LIVES, I STILL FEEL THAT IF IT WOULD HAVE BEEN THEM I WOULD HAVE IN NO WAY BACKSLIDEN AS A FRIEND IN THEIR TIME OF NEED. MAYBE THE ONE GOOD THING IS YOU CAN FIND BETTER PEOPLE WHO ARE TRUE FRIENDS AND A BETTER INVESTMENT BECAUSE I AM NOT INTERESTED IN PEOPLE WHO JUST ARE FRIENDS CAUSE IT IS CONVEINENT OR FRIENDS WHEN THEY WANT TO BE ETC...I'M SURE I SOUND SOUR BUT IT IS MORE LIKE I FEEL LEFT OUT...I WENT WITHOUT MANY THINGS DURING THIS BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT TO BOTHER ANYONE AND I TRULY THOUGHT MORE PEOPLE WOULD VOLUNTEER TO HELP BUT THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN. SO I CAN RELATE.....THE ONE THING THAT HAS HAPPENED THOUGH IS I RETURNED MORE TO MY DEAREST RELATIONSHIP OF ALL THAT I HAVE NEGLECTED...MY CHRISTIANITY. SO MAYBE THAT IS THE THING FOR YOU TOO. GOD BLESS AND YOU ARE NOT ALONE, YOU ARE JUST "EXPERINCING TECHNICAL DIFFICULTY". YOU WILL BE BETTER SOON, YOU'LL SEE.

BRENT ;D

Offline fitnesskitty

  • SuperKNEEgeek
  • *****
  • Posts: 629
  • Liked: 1
  • "Nothing in this world worth having comes easy..."
Re: Has anyone felt lonely since their operation?
« Reply #18 on: December 20, 2007, 03:05:38 PM »
Hi Brent,

It has been a long time since I have visited that thread!  I have since had a second surgery to remove scar tissue, a lateral release and a manipulation under anesthesia.  I am doing much better now.  I have graduated from two crutches, to one crutch, now I have a cane.  I am up to 128 degrees in flexion and should soon ditch the cane.  I hope by my next OS appointment to be without the cane.  I see him towards the end of January.    I have a slight limp if I have been outside and it is very cold here.  I can take some normal slow steps in the house. 

Anyway, I really hope that you are back on your feet.  I know what you mean, though.   You really learn who your true friends are, but also keep in mind that some people don't come around because they don't want to bother you.  I know it sounds weird but some people get freaked out and afraid to bother.  I truly think that some people just do not know how to help.  there are a few people I no longer speak to because they told me I was just looking for sympathy, well whatever.  I would do no such thing.  Especially now with the cane.  I want nothing more than to be treated normally.  People that have never had these kinds of ordeals have no ideal what it is like, how long a process it can be to get normal, and most of all, how completely traumatic it is physically, emotionally and mentally.  It is stressful and very draining.  People just don't always understand if they haven't been there.

I am sorry to hear you did without so much.  I did without some stuff too and had to learn to let others do things that I wanted/needed and liked to do.  It is a very hard thing to do.    I didn't want to bother others sometimes too as for the first few weeks, my poor husband had to come home from work in the middle of his work day to make me food and help me get to the bathroom and stuff.  Then I just felt like a big burden on him.  Poor guy.  Hope I never get like this again!

Anyway, I really hope you are doing much better these days!  If you have a chance, write and let me know! :-)  I have to get back to work for now but will check around later! 

Take care and best wishes!

Sarah

Happy Holidays!!!!
Aug 17 07 Injured
Aug 23 07 Open surgeryOct 18 07 No progress made at PT for awhile - stuck 52/53 degrees
Oct 23 07 Saw OS, wants second opinion from partner-ROM stuck 30-35
Nov 1, LR, LOA, MUA
PT 2X/week now, was 3X
Jan 8: ROM 134
Rest In Peace, Lucky!  I love and miss you so much!!!!!!!!

Offline BUSTEDKNEEB

  • MICROgeek (<20 posts)
  • *
  • Posts: 9
  • Liked: 0
Re: Has anyone felt lonely since their operation?
« Reply #19 on: December 20, 2007, 08:16:35 PM »
Hi Sarah,

Yes I am a lot better now. I can get around very slowly with a cane and can drive. I am thrilled for that. Still have several concerns about healing up, but since you really have to wait it out, I try to hold judgements back for a good while. I appreciate your comments too, that was very nice. I think the shortcoming of all the treatment is the vagueness of the OS in general, and of course as she and I and you eluded to the extremee isolation at the beginning of it all. Well know I am not captive to this, and hope to heal up. Merry X Mas and take care.

Brent

Offline Tinde

  • MICROgeek (<20 posts)
  • *
  • Posts: 8
  • Liked: 0
Re: Has anyone felt lonely since their operation?
« Reply #20 on: January 03, 2008, 07:50:44 PM »
Hey!

Unfortunately you are not the only lonely one.. Its weird how your friends suddenly have more important things to do than chear you up, help you get better or help with household issues. And when you finally get better on your own they try to explain how situation was a bit difficult.. Yeah, whose situation..?? ;)

But I'll tell you my short history with similar insidents.. I have delt with several injuries that has been caused by accidenst in floorball. After injury or operation I didn't hear from my team mates at all! When I got back to train everyone was exited of my return. Would it have been so hard to pick up a phone and call to ask how am I doing? Apparently yes..
My latest injury happend nearly two years ago and since I haven't been able to play floorball again. I have only one friend from the entire team/organization who has been in contact with me and helped in my rehab by walking with me.

Maybe its too awkward for our friends to contact because they would want to help but don't know how.. Fortunately we have forums like this where we can share the pain and get comfort on rought times.
Let's keep it up! :)
My history in a nut shell:
- '98 and '02 achilleis tendon surgerys
- '03 elmslie-trillat on a right knee
- '05 plica out in an a-scopia
- '06 medial release
- '06 a-scopia to the left knee (which still buggs me)
- '07 -''-
- '08 med.meniscal re-attachment
- left knee's mystery (acl/pcl/plc?)















support