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Author Topic: Has anyone felt lonely since their operation?  (Read 4789 times)

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Offline Amanda1975

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Has anyone felt lonely since their operation?
« on: August 18, 2007, 10:35:34 PM »
I am married and have 2 kids and feel awful saying this, but since the operation I have felt very lonely.  I have relatives that live less than 10 mins away and in the 2 months since the operation I can count the times I have seen them on one hand.  I am struggling to walk, don't drive and Hubby works long hours so I cannot exactly get out there to them. 

Also its summer break and friends that I saw a lot of last summer (when I was without crutches and more able to join in) I have hardly seen at all.  They say you need a support network whilst recovering from surgery.  My support network took their healthy knees and got up and walked leaving me behind.

I actually can't wait until September when I will at least see people on the school run.  I should be walking a bit better then.

Amanda

Degenerative Left Knee due to Maltracking Patellar Grade 3-4
Operation 25th June 2007
Lateral Release, Microfracture, shaved intrapatellar pad and Menisci Tidy Up
Right Knee chondromalacia patellar Grade 1
PT and HT awaiting review

Offline Nettan

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Re: Has anyone felt lonely since their operation?
« Reply #1 on: August 18, 2007, 10:45:47 PM »
Maybe a stupid question..have you phoned your friends ?
Surgery 6 times left knee torn meniscus, RSDS,chondromalacia, nervdamage cause constant nervpain,chronic inflamm.
Spinaldamage wheeler 100%.
Right knee damaged aug-06, use brace surgery 4/9-07.LCL tear.

Offline Patty0513

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Re: Has anyone felt lonely since their operation?
« Reply #2 on: August 18, 2007, 11:09:30 PM »
After one of my surgeries, I briefly felt sorry for myself because my co-workers hadn't called.  Then I realized that the phone works both ways..........I called them.

Pick-up the phone and call your friends and relatives.  People get busy with their own lives and they may not realize that you are lonely.

Take care and good luck with your recovery.

Patty


Offline suehaem

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Re: Has anyone felt lonely since their operation?
« Reply #3 on: August 18, 2007, 11:26:51 PM »
Well one thing I can say is this site has kept me sane (whatever sane is  ;D). 

I felt lonely cause I was not able to do my normal activities and go out and chat with people.  What I do now is when I go for physio I arrange to see some friends and have lunch.  Obviously my normal network of friends are getting on with there day to day activities so I have to make my days as interesting as possible to beat getting bored. 

I make sure I speak to or see someone every day or I would be going up the walls.

Good luck

Sue
Fall from horse 04/04
Arthroscopy 27/07/07 -Grade III debridement
Re-injured knee running 1/03/08
Arthroscopy 11/10/08 - Grade II debridement
09/03/16 Fracture fib sking damage to knees
31/05/16 Grade 4 Chondromalacia and patella tilt (R)
17/11/16 Need new knee cap (L)knee
Awaiting Arthroscopy 2018

Offline UK Girl !

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Re: Has anyone felt lonely since their operation?
« Reply #4 on: August 19, 2007, 03:44:47 AM »
Hi Amanda

It could be that if you were one of the main organisers of activities then maybe none of your friends are doing much!! - and they are all missing out - perhaps you should organise a picnic in the park!

Hope you get back together with them soon -  also, it is prob not that they don't want to know you but with it being holidays they are very involved in their own families.
1978 - ruptured acl and all cartalidge removed.
several debridements over years
TKR 10TH JULY 2006 http://www.kneeguru.co.uk/KNEEtalk/index.php?topic=28257.0  Aug 07 patellar maltracking - more physio! Still pain - but so much better !
BIOMET AGC  TKR  (with 10 yr warranty !)

Offline plantgeek58

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Re: Has anyone felt lonely since their operation?
« Reply #5 on: August 19, 2007, 04:00:17 AM »
I agree with everyone else, Amanda. After I had my first surgery, which happened to be in summer, like yours, I started to feel abandoned, too. I got a little angry with my family and friends, until I realized that I hadn't really communicated my feelings to any of them. People aren't mind readers and if they haven't been where you are, they really may not understand what it's like. Get on the phone and say, "Hey, you guys, I'm going stir crazy here. Can you take me out for coffee and doughnuts or something?" Once they realized what I needed, my friends and family got on board and got me out and about a lot more with them.
Terre
RK 7/04 part. m. menisc., plica resect., MF
    3/05 part. m. menisc., open OATS
    1/07 part l. menisc., MF, patellar chondroplasty
    9/08 MF
LK 11/04 & 8/06 part m. menisc.
     7/07 LR, patellar tendon debrid., part m. menisc.

coolmum

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Re: Has anyone felt lonely since their operation?
« Reply #6 on: August 19, 2007, 11:33:48 PM »
Hi there

I hope you feel better soon
It is a hard thing when you realise how many things you CANT do after surgery.
I have lost count of the times I have had to sit and watch my kids playing and doing activities with someone else, yet I dont mind because my surgery is so I CAN do more with my kids without my knee popping out all the time.
I dont have much family around, my mum and dadc have been great with the boys and I have had to rely on friends and family to do school runs, footy practice, doctors, PT, OS, shopping etc etc etc!!!
I suppose it is good to know that every week or day you get a little better and achieve new things!  It seems hard to believe in the begining but as long as you are determined everything will fall into place.
Having kids is tricky, my four year old found it all a bit hard to uinderstand some things, like why mum cant pick him up for cuddles.  He learnt though and they have been great, it is me that feels guilty sometimes but it passes!

Hope you are feeling a bit better!
cel

Offline rindsu

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Re: Has anyone felt lonely since their operation?
« Reply #7 on: August 20, 2007, 03:58:46 AM »
After my injury and operation, I was pretty lonely.  My family is all on the other side of the country over 4000kms away.  I am new in town and really only knew a few people at work.  I was really on my own.  I staved off the insanity with the internet and the fact that I could hobble around a little.  I started to build model cars.  I blew out both knees at once so I was pretty screwed as far as driving and stuff.  It was a real test for me, and it's not over yet.  But you too can overcome this.
Who blows out both their knees at once?

Offline lilrosie06

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Re: Has anyone felt lonely since their operation?
« Reply #8 on: September 29, 2007, 06:05:52 AM »
Hi Amanda....Throughout this whole knee ordeal with me, I have learned some things. First of all, people tend to "stay away" for fear of disturbing you. So, Ive also learned that I need to be verbal about things. I make sure everyone knows that I am bored...tired of sitting around, and would love to have company. I dont hesitate to say, hey, can we go out to dinner? Yep, Ive gotten, but what if you cant sit there? Are you sure you can do it? I just reply with I have an injury. I am still alive. Lets go....haha!! Just make sure people know how you feel. Like I said, people can get "stupid " about things like this....

Hope this helps....

Hugs...DONNA
LEFT KNEE INJURY-1-05
SCOPE 4-05, LR 1-07, TKR 6-07, MUA 7-07, REVISION 10-07, INFECTION CLEANOUT 11-07, REVISION 4-08, EXPLANT 2-09 ANTIBIOTIC SPACER PUT IN, AND PICC LINE FOR 6 WEEKS
REPLACEMENT 5-09

BACK IN PT NOW....HIP AND FOOT PAIN, POSSIBLY SCIATIC

Offline nhbob

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Re: Has anyone felt lonely since their operation?
« Reply #9 on: October 01, 2007, 01:18:40 PM »
Hi Amanda,

I just ruptured my quadricep tendon a week ago, and I know what you mean, I have had several friends drop by, and they have been great.... but I am so bored, and I have so far to go.  I live by myself in a small community in New Hampshire, I had just bought this house I'm in, and things were still not even totally unpacked (there are still several boxes in the basement that it seems I will not be opening for months from now).

I am glad I just found this kneeguru board, I hope it will help.  I am also trying to come up with some things to do, I had tried to learn to play mandolin a few years ago, never became very good, but now I think I will pull out the mandolin and try to get good at it.  I have to do something, this whole incident with my knee is devastating right now!

I see you originally posted your post in August, how are things going now?

Bob (a newbie here)
Ruptured Left Quadricep Tendon on 24 September 2007
Surgery 28 Sept 2007 (but suture anchor broke)
Surgery 03 Oct 2007 (OS did not use suture anchor 2nd time around)
Ruptured Disk in Back affecting S1 nerve 11 Dec 2007
Back Surgery 09 Jan 2008 to uncompress S1 nerve

Offline John42

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Re: Has anyone felt lonely since their operation?
« Reply #10 on: October 01, 2007, 02:46:41 PM »
Hi Bob

If you let me have your e-mail address, I will let you have some rehab information.

Priority tip - sleep with a cushion or pillow between your legs.

Please be free to contact me any time and also suggest that you post your events on Kneegaru
webpage  ruptured quad tendon or The Patello Femoral Joint.

Best wishes

JohnK/ Manchester UK

[email protected]
Ruptured Patella Tendon January 9 2003
Slipped on black ice.  Manchester UK

Complete Ruptured Tendon

Offline fitnesskitty

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Re: Has anyone felt lonely since their operation?
« Reply #11 on: October 01, 2007, 08:13:16 PM »
Hi Sue,

I just saw this post and know just how you feel.  I get down on myself alot, feeling hopeless and useless and like I will never get there, but we have to remember that we will all get there in our own time.  Where there is a will, there is a way.  I tell myself that I will beat this and be better than new.  When I get 90 degrees of flexion I am going to beg people to take me to dinner!!! I have been nowhere because I don't have enough flexion to really sit comfortable in a chair but I am going to push hard this week at PT and try to get the other 43 degrees of flexion so I can get that 90 degrees!!!!!  I am so desperate to get there.  I am 5 weeks post op and I have been told lots of people that had the surgery I had have trouble re-gaining range of motion at first so I am trying to go easy on myself but it's difficult.

Also remember that it is okay to cry once in awhile.  Sometimes we need it.  I learned that from a very kind soul on this site.  I do cry and feel hopeless from time to time, but at least we all have each other to lean on here.

Best of luck to you and I hope you are doing well!

Sarah
Aug 17 07 Injured
Aug 23 07 Open surgeryOct 18 07 No progress made at PT for awhile - stuck 52/53 degrees
Oct 23 07 Saw OS, wants second opinion from partner-ROM stuck 30-35
Nov 1, LR, LOA, MUA
PT 2X/week now, was 3X
Jan 8: ROM 134
Rest In Peace, Lucky!  I love and miss you so much!!!!!!!!

Offline nhbob

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Re: Has anyone felt lonely since their operation?
« Reply #12 on: October 01, 2007, 09:25:45 PM »
Hi Bob

If you let me have your e-mail address, I will let you have some rehab information, thank you very much, any and all information is very helpful!

Bob
« Last Edit: November 06, 2007, 01:15:13 PM by nhbob »
Ruptured Left Quadricep Tendon on 24 September 2007
Surgery 28 Sept 2007 (but suture anchor broke)
Surgery 03 Oct 2007 (OS did not use suture anchor 2nd time around)
Ruptured Disk in Back affecting S1 nerve 11 Dec 2007
Back Surgery 09 Jan 2008 to uncompress S1 nerve

Offline uufan

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Re: Has anyone felt lonely since their operation?
« Reply #13 on: October 03, 2007, 06:08:42 AM »
hi, I am not lonly, my family and friends doing great job to keep me busy.  But the problem is that i was told that i have no chance to recover more than 50% of function, and they do not seem to understand it.  I made pease with situation myself, but they can not.
Inna
3/16/07
R-TPF+PF+tibial midshaft+ankle in car wrack
3/21/07IM nail, plate, wire
5/3/07immoblizer off
ROM40-7
5/31/07PWB 65-7
6/18/0790-10
6/28/07WBAT
7/9/07100-10
7/26/07ok to drive
OS told me to loose crutches
8/8/07lost cane 100-5
OS said that i will never walk independemtly(not true)

Offline fitnesskitty

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Re: Has anyone felt lonely since their operation?
« Reply #14 on: October 05, 2007, 04:42:59 PM »
Hi uufan,

Perhaps you could bring a family member in with you the next time you see your doctor again so that they can understand what your doctor is saying and why he thinks that.  It might help.  I am so sorry to hear that you will not get to 100%.  Maybe you will do better than they ever thought possible.  You never know, but if not, at least you are at peace and that is important too.

Amanda, let your friends and family know you are lonely and ask them to visit.  Call them and have them call you.  Loneliness is awful and can make you feel depressed and that will not help.  You need to feel positive about your recovery.  You will have some bad days, but hang in there, surround yoursel with people and things you love and it will seem better while you recover.  I have felt lonely at times too and cried, etc, but I learned that you have to ask for what you want as some people might not want to disturb you or whatever, like lilrosie said.  Speak up.  You will also learn who your true friends are. 

Best of luck to you in your recovery.  Happy Friday!

Sarah

Hugs
Aug 17 07 Injured
Aug 23 07 Open surgeryOct 18 07 No progress made at PT for awhile - stuck 52/53 degrees
Oct 23 07 Saw OS, wants second opinion from partner-ROM stuck 30-35
Nov 1, LR, LOA, MUA
PT 2X/week now, was 3X
Jan 8: ROM 134
Rest In Peace, Lucky!  I love and miss you so much!!!!!!!!