Angry

[stickshifty]

I know I'm beginning to sound like a broken record... and I know that I'm probably not going through nearly as much pain as the rest of y'all... but I'm still in a complete state of rage right now over my knees.

[rant]

I just want the pain to go away. I can't walk without pain. I can't go running in this AMAZING weather that's in the area. I can't ride. I can't march. I can't even do an f-ing rhetorical analysis of "A Modest Proposal" (<-- gotta <3 a satire about eating babies) at the computer without pain. It's spread beyond the knees. It hurts from the right hip to the calf when the left knee hurts because I unintentionally adjust my body weight to protect the left knee. And vice versa.

I probably seem like a whiny teenage girl right now... but I am so I can live with that. I'm just so angry that for over 2 1/2 years I've just been told to "deal with it" and try to "live my life" but I can't because it hurts. There is a strong possibility that I won't be able to march my senior year... the year my band is going to nationals. And then it will mean nothing to colleges that for the past 2 years that I have been one of the best horn players in the state when they see I didn't do 4 years of band.

But for the past year or so I've mainly at God because it's like we sing all these songs about how great He is in church, but somehow he can't find it to take away the pain. It's like why hasn't He done anything? Why didn't the PT work? Why didn't the cortisone last as long as it should have? Why isn't the Nabumetone working? (<-- which has made me start to feel sick again... on Friday I felt like I couldn't breathe bc my throat was so tight and I had to god-forsaken stomach pain).

Ugh I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow... and I don't even think it's with an OS... which makes no sense to me at all whatsoever... but my parents scheduled it so I really don't have much say in who I see... Yes, these are the same parents who thought my knees could handle snowboarding  . I could have told them that it wouldn't work... but nooooo father and mother know best. I couldn't even walk the day after  . But I think I'm going to get the same "I have no ideas why your knees hurt" crap all over again tomorrow. Needless to say, I think the first 3 doctors could have figured that out... all they have done is destroyed my confidence in doctors period.

[/rant]

Sorry... I had to get that out. Goodness knows I have enough homework I should be doing right now. Thank you for putting up with this if you have read this far.

~Shifty

[lilrosie06]

Shifty....Just know, its ok to be angry. Its ok to vent. Its ok to ask why? I think we all have experienced these feelings. I, too, have been dealing with this "crap" for over 2 years now. Although, Im OLD, compared to you.  (Thats what my teenage girls tell me. Lol)You are NOT a whiny, teenage girl. You just want to enjoy your high school years pain free. Thats not too much to ask.  I know it really sucks when you hurt so bad, and someone is telling you, "oh, theres nothing that  can be done", or "it cant be that bad". I, for one, know that it is miserable living with knee pain. It totally disrupts your life. I cant sit long, Cant stand long, cant walk 4-5 miles per day like I used to....havent been to an amusement park in almost 3 years because of this.

Just remember, YOU know your body. YOU know when something isnt right. Dont stop until you get answers. You are too young to be told to live with this. Let me know what the doc says tomorrow.

Hang in there. Its gonna be ok......

Big hug from a mom who understands.....

DONNA

[Nettan]

Shifty, hang in there. If your parents doesn't listen maybe you have someone else to talk to that can make your parents listen. You should have a OS seing you.
Have you gotten any diagnos at all ?
You are young and the frustration of not being able be without pain and not being able to move around is even worse then. I totally understand you. I had problems when I was younger..ok not as much as today. But I remember when friends were asking can we do that or that and I had to say no. That hurts inside and doesn't make the situation better. Don't give this up. There are some solution around the corner even for you. You just need right doc.
BIG HUG TO YOU !!

NETTAN

[stickshifty]

Thanks for the hugs. I needed it.

So I went to my pediatrican today... she told me that the most likely cause of the pain was because of my twisted femurs and that one of my doctors had made a note that my patella hadn't fully developed yet (wtf why I haven't I heard that before???). So she told my mom and I that we had followed all the right steps so far... but if I wanted to get rid of the "overstress" in the knee caused by the femurs, then I could walk with my toes pointed outward  . Umm... I'm not quite sure how to comment on that...

She referred me to yet another doctor (this would be #5 now) at the same place that I was at in the beginning but at a different office. So that's on April 9, but I think my parents are trying to see if they can get it this Friday before he goes on vacation. But I feel like I'm completely at square one again. They still have no real reason why it hurts...

[trainwreck]

Shifty, I am sorry to think you are this frustrated.  It is OK to be angry.   somone once told me God would never give us more than we can handle.  I don't know where I stand on God but know you can handle this,  Somtimes you have to take it one moment at a time.  Somtimes one day at a time is too much and I have to break it down to this second.  Be persistent.  Somone will figure out what is causing your pain and how to fix it.  I don't want to sound like a drip but maybe you are unable to run now because you are supposed to be doing somthing else.  I believe things happen to us for a reason.  We may not like it at the time but everything we experience molds us and makes us who we are.

I am sorry you hurt.  You will find the right person who will help you if you stay persistent.

It is ok to give yourself a day to feel sorry for yourself and angry and all those emotions. Please be careful not to give up.  Tomorrow is a new day and could bring somthing wonderful.

Feel better!  I will be thinking of you and wishing you strength.

Allison

[Nettan]

Shifty, at least something is happening and you are going to see yet another doc. Can take time to get the right doc sometimes. Is this a OS you will see ?
Hope your parents can make you see him/her on friday.Will be thinking of you.

HUGS NETTAN

[daisygirl2]

Hey shifty!

I understand what you are going through. I have had hip and knee pain my entire life and I'm only 24! When I was 13 I badly fell and hurt my right knee. Throughout middle and high school I had severe pain in the knees and hips. And every OS I went to told me I was making it up. that there was no way I could have hurt my knee. I saw one OS my first year of college who thought it could be soft tissue and did and MRI. But didn't do anything...just said oh yeah its torn. By my senior year of college I couldn't take the knee pain anymore and FINALLY had surgery to correct the problem. I was 21. To fix an injury that happened when i was 13!! All because no OS believed me. Now this wasnt the end of it. Despite 2 surgeries, 4 rounds of PT and a cortizone shot the knee pain never went away. to make a lONG story short....I am now on OS number 8 and I was FINALLY diagnosed with twisted femurs. And have just completed the second surgery to untwist my femurs. So yeah. twisted femurs CAN cause you a great deal of pain. So I would try and find an OS who specializes in both knees AND hips. My current OS is the first one I'm seeing who does more then just knees and he diagnosed the problem in one office visit. A month after I saw him and had the needed tests we deicded to untwist the femurs. We are hopeful that maybe this will stop the knee pain. But he told me I have 4 bad joints so before we can talk about my knees we had to take care of the femurs.

I wish you the best of luck. And yeah. I had to give up some pretty cool stuff with my friends because of knee pain...and it hurts....But there are good OS's out there....just keep searching...if one can't help you then move on. They are only human and some are better at certian things then others. And remember only YOU are in your body so really only YOU can judge how your body feels....so listen to your body and please don't give up....

[stickshifty]

And have just completed the second surgery to untwist my femurs. So yeah. twisted femurs CAN cause you a great deal of pain. So I would try and find an OS who specializes in both knees AND hips. My current OS is the first one I'm seeing who does more then just knees and he diagnosed the problem in one office visit. A month after I saw him and had the needed tests we deicded to untwist the femurs.

My first doctor mentioned that but he said he wouldn't do it to his daughter. The doctor I saw yesterday highly unrecommended it. I'm pretty much at the point where I don't care if pain came from the surgery to fix the current pain.

What's your opinion on untwisting?

[daisygirl2]

Untwisting my femurs was the best thing I could have done. My only regret is that I didn't do it sooner. could have saved myself some years of pain!! When I woke up from my first surgery I was relieved my pain was noticeably better. Yeah the surgeries are PAINFUL but the pain I had post-op was NOTHING compaired the pain I had pre-op. and I told this to my doctor. Even the second surgery (I had alot of complications the second time around) when I woke up I felt tons better PLUS my knee caps are aligned correctly. Its still too early to tell the surgeries will eliminate the knee pain (my knees have another set of issues) but they do pop less. after the first surgery you could see the HUGE difference between the corrected and uncorrected leg. and now for the first time in 24 years I'm starting to walk correctly. Which my PT tells me will help my knees get better in time. She said I have to be walking normally for a good 6 months to see if more work needs to be done on the knees...but she did tell me should I need more knee surgery at least I'm starting with a strong set of hips and 2 properly aligned knees.

As for the doctors who would'nt do it....watch out...there are ALOT of OS's who won't do this procedure. I lucked out and found a doc who not only does them but decided to try a new technique with me. (I was walking with partial to full weight bearing 24 hours after surgery and I didn't have a cast) however, this is a last resort type thing. I literally tried everything and everything failed. In the end my OS said the only option left is to cut the bone and realign it!!

He was suprised...because pre-op he said he would have to rotate the bone 10-15 degrees. Turns out...he had to rotate the bone 25 degrees!!!

But in the end. I'm REALLY glad I had the femurs realigned. Even though the surgeries are painful and the rehab long I can tell it is worth it in the end.

If you have any more questions feel free to ask.