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Author Topic: Add a new joke  (Read 3436 times)

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Offline Mushroom

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Add a new joke
« on: September 26, 2005, 10:55:53 AM »
Two biscuits were crossing the road, one of biscuits got run over, the other biscuit cried out"Oh
Crumbs!"

What do you get when you cross a bee with a bell ? A Hum Dinger!

What do you call a masturbating hippy ? A Self Raising Flower.                                   
 

Offline heymisterpj

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  • it's just a flesh wound...
Re: Add a new joke
« Reply #1 on: September 26, 2005, 04:20:12 PM »
two fish swam into a wall, one turns to the other and says:
Dam

Offline heymisterpj

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Re: Add a new joke
« Reply #2 on: September 26, 2005, 04:24:03 PM »
Did you know that Ghandi had very sore feet and bad breath, in fact he was a
wait for it....
super calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis
It's not my fault, my brother emailed me a list of the 10 worst puns to see if any of them cheered me up before my op tomorrow, but as I am very preoccupied, no pun in ten did ;D

shadehawk

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Re: Add a new joke
« Reply #3 on: September 26, 2005, 07:07:54 PM »
A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."


Well, the cat is funny, I think......
« Last Edit: September 26, 2005, 07:10:13 PM by Shade »

Offline Beth_T

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Re: Add a new joke
« Reply #4 on: September 28, 2005, 05:41:18 PM »
Shade,

That was terrible but I can't stop laughing.

Love the cat

Beth ;)
Had a not needed LR op due to a fall
Found out that nerve damage was causing the pain, acupuncture worked - all ok :)

Offline Mushroom

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Add a new joke Crackers
« Reply #5 on: September 30, 2005, 10:43:51 AM »
I love those jokes. I want to cut and paste them but my computer wont let me. I'll get help. In the mean time. What gos 99 clonk ? A centipede with a wooden leg. Ok know all, what came first the chicken or the egg ? Has this stupid question ever been put to you ? I was reading this French book on the history of world food when the author cracked that question. She said " when people ask me that question,  the answar is quite simple, the chicken never came first!
We were eating ducks and guineafowl before we started to eat chickens."

Offline Mushroom

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Re: Add a new joke
« Reply #6 on: October 05, 2005, 03:19:42 PM »
                                              Famous book and famous authors
Muck on the widowscreen by Chinese author Mr. Who Floo Dung
Russian postitutes by Miss Knickersoffalot
Muck in the road by GG Doneit
Spunk on the wall by Misthercompletely
Short skirts by Cmoreleg

Offline fifi1974

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Re: Add a new joke
« Reply #7 on: October 05, 2005, 06:27:50 PM »
Where does Caesar keep his armies?

At the end of his sleevies.

What did Nelson say to his crew before they got onto the ship?

get onto the ship men. (sorry love this one cracks me up every time it's so stupid).

There are 2 Welshmen, 2 Englishmen, 2 Irish men and 2 Scots men on a desert island. At the end of the week, the 2 Welshmen have started an all male voice choir, the 2 Irish men have started a fight, the 2 Scotsmen are looking for a penny one of them dropped, and the 2 Englishmen are still waiting to be introduced.
14/7/05 fell and broke right patella
15/7/05 ORIF (in France)
19/7/05 leave hospital and return to UK.
7/9/05 brace removed!
18/10/05 Finally start proper PT. ROM at about 105
10/03/06 Discharged by OS
14/03/06 Discharged by PT (8 months to the day after fall)
Hardware removal???

Offline Doc79316

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Re: Add a new joke
« Reply #8 on: October 13, 2005, 08:13:59 PM »
Hi Guys - Try this for size



Even if you've heard it before you've gotta laugh again.

An elderly lady phoned her telephone company to report that her telephone failed to ring when her friends called - and that on the few occasions when it did ring, her pet dog always moaned right before the phone rang. The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile elderly lady.
 
He climbed a nearby telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned loudly and the telephone began to ring.
 
Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:
1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire via a steel chain and collar.

2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.

3. The dog was receivin 90 volts of signaling current when the phone number was called.
 
4. After a couple of such jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate on himself and the ground.

5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.

Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning.         


Hope you enjoyed it

Laura
Left knee surgery
08/06/02-L/Release
13/08/03-Fulkerson TTT
05/06/05-Stabilisation & Medialisation/Tendon Transfer
13/01/06-Proximal Hamstring Superior Stabilisation
06/03/06-RSD/CRPS diagnosed
20/07/06 + 03/04/07-Excision of scar tissue
29/05/15-Arthroscopy
02/03/20-Left transfemoral amputation

Offline IndyCelt

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Re: Add a new joke
« Reply #9 on: October 13, 2005, 08:28:17 PM »
Two blondes walk into a building ... you'd think at least one of them would have seen it.
2-1-2005 Exise of bipartite patella
2-21 and 2-23 clean out for Strep infection
10/3/05 Scar tissue resection

Offline bikersmurf

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Re: Add a new joke
« Reply #10 on: October 24, 2005, 04:12:02 PM »
Hey there funny ;D One my kids told me:
How do you make a hankie dance:
You put a little boogie in it.
Sorry all I know is dirty ones.
Motorcycle accident(open patella shattered)
8-05 reconstruction surgery wires pins, crown and figure eight , FEb 06, had bad fall and damaged knee and hardware. May 5 06 op to remove hardware and repair tissue, quad and nerve damage. Recovering!!

Offline Mushroom

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Re: Add a new joke
« Reply #11 on: October 25, 2005, 11:30:27 AM »
What is the longest word in the world ? Elastic! Because it stretches the furthest.

Offline smeagol

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Re: Add a new joke
« Reply #12 on: October 25, 2005, 04:35:12 PM »
I dont know any nice jokes, but if you look on this site http://www.vsoc.org.uk/ and scroll down on the left, click on laughs and there are a few really good ones, probably not as suitable for the younger viewers, although its not filtered or anything, i dont think theres even bad language, but it is aimed at adults.
Charlotte
About 10 years of pain, 3 arthroscopys, and still no help with my condition or my current problem.  And I'm only 20!