The WAITING ROOM => Emotional/Spiritual help and encouragement => Topic started by: ProfLiebstrom on March 27, 2005, 01:15:24 PM

Title: Need to vent!
Post by: ProfLiebstrom on March 27, 2005, 01:15:24 PM
And here is where I am going to!

I have completely lost it with my dad now. Many of you may know from my other threads about my dad and what I have had to say about him from my other threads.

But this time he has gone too far. I just got back from giving blood (You should all do it, it is absolutely painless with the local anasthetic) and he starts giving me grief! I mean what the hell! Having a go at me for giving blood! What's next having a go at me for waking up ?

JUST SO ANGRY RIGHT NOW. Needed somewhere to vent. Sorry.

Title: Re: Need to vent!
Post by: casey2291 on March 27, 2005, 01:22:26 PM

I understand how hard it can be to have parents who nag you about everything.  It sounds like your dad is probably unhappy with something in his life and he just takes it out on you.  You did something good by donating blood so just try to ignore his comments and know that you are helping someone else out.  Try not to let him get you down.  I know it is difficult to live in that type of environment, but you don't want to let him make you bitter and angry because then you end up being unhappy as well.   Keep your chin up and keep helping others out!!

Casey  :)
Title: Re: Need to vent!
Post by: ProfLiebstrom on March 27, 2005, 01:27:22 PM
already bitter and angry with him for other things!

Worst thing is......he gave blood himself at one point.....

He had no reason to have a go at me. He knew where I was. He has known for weeks about it. And so has my mum (but she is on holiday).

Then he has the cheek to say I only went to make sure im ok and didn't do it for any one else. WEll seen as the doctor gave me a blood test a few weeks ago I doubt that. MAYBE I did it because years ago 3 of my cousins were in a car crash and nearly died. Or MAYBE it's because people I know have had to have blood transfusions or perhaps its because I care about people other than myself!

No chance of recovering some sort of civil relationship after this.
Title: Re: Need to vent!
Post by: Heather M. on March 28, 2005, 12:06:44 AM
To be honest, it sounds like your dad doesn't like the attention you are getting with your injury. The painful irony is that you probably don't like it either!  But it's natural when you have ongoing issues for that to be a topic of conversation with the family.  I know my brother (whom I dearly love) has said some hurtful things in the past, especially when I was having trouble writing (my job) due to constant severe pain.  I mentioned that I'd been dealing with some serious insomnia issues, and he snottily remarked that I should take that 'awake time' at 4am and get some work done!  Obviously, he's never dealt with pain so bad it gets you out of bed!

Anyway, my father talked to my brother about it a few weeks later, when I'd mentioned how upset I was.  It turns out that my brother was resentful, feeling that I'd been 'squandering' my free time--time where I should have been working.  With some more discussion, it came out that he was really feeling the pinch of taking care of both his kids at home (age 4 and 2) and yet still trying to produce his creative work...his work was really suffering, and he was feeling useless because of it.  It wasn't a logical feeling, and he took his resentments about his own life and work issues out on me.  Not fair, but there you have it.

And the funny thing?  Once I understood what was going on with him, I got over the hurt that his comments caused because I could see that he wasn't really talking about me, he was mad at himself for not being able to 'concentrate better' and get work done while taking care of two toddlers full time!  His own expecations of himself were unreasonable--who the heck could work with TWO small children at home where he is the primary caregiver.  So that was the problem.

Anyway, it sounds like your dad's issues go way beyond you--you'll just have to remind yourself of that frequently.   There's nothing that you can do which will undo what your father is going through--the source and solution lie with him, so you have to let the comments roll off you.  You might try to turn to your father and rephrase his comments to let him know how you are interpretting them....but I haven't had a lot of luck with that.  Fathers tend to go ballistic when their children (however old) use logic and reason to reveal their immature behavior....

Title: Re: Need to vent!
Post by: brandy on March 28, 2005, 09:01:42 AM
  You know what you were doing was good and it's great that you don't let his comments stop you from doing what you feel is right. Everybody's right. It sounds like his problems aren't really about you, he just takes them out on you. Casey's right too don't let it make you bitter. I know, easier said than done.
I hope that you have somone you can talk to about these issues w/ your dad. We are always here to vent to and we care but it would probably help to just get it out.
  I hope you start feeling better. Hang in there!!
Title: Re: Need to vent!
Post by: heather k from wales on March 28, 2005, 10:34:53 AM
Im sorry you are having a rough time with your Dad.  There's nothing worse than a family row! :(

Its such a good thing to give blood, you should be really proud of yourself and so should your Dad!, its one thing Id really like to do, but since Ive been on prescription painkillers they wouldnt allow me to give blood! :o  the last time I went, I waited for ages to get the 'vampire' treatment and in the end they sent me home as I was on prescription painkillers!!, if I remember rightly, I have to have stopped them for about 3 months before giving blood again!.....seems mad to me :P

Take care,

Heather ;)
Title: Re: Need to vent!
Post by: shadehawk on March 28, 2005, 07:03:42 PM

Hey, you did the right thing, and never be sorry for venting - that is why we are all here.  Giving blood is a very generous thing to do and you are right everyone of us should be doing so also. 

Hope that your Dad gets over his situation soon and leaves you alone so you'll have some peace of mind.

Wishing you the best,  ;)

Title: Re: Need to vent!
Post by: ProfLiebstrom on March 28, 2005, 10:45:59 PM
I wouldn't say my dad is bothered about the attention im getting over my injury.....which is really pretty much 0. He has had some bad injuries himself. (finger caught on a drill type object span his finger completely around tearing everything inside his hand)

I know my dad didn't get along with his dad well. (I saw him once maybe twice before he died which was late 90's) Wasn't told about his death and my dad avoids where he used to live if he has to drive anywhere near that area.

Here you cant have been on anything for a week before giving. And thanks to me running out a few weeks a go I havent had any pain killers lol.

My dad was always bad with my 2 half sisters but since they weren't his own he's been much worse with me. If people want examples of the stuff he has done I will list a few if you ask.
Title: Re: Need to vent!
Post by: fuffy on March 29, 2005, 05:42:05 PM
Hi Scott  :D

I ALWAYS wanted to give blood! I was a "Blue" baby - which is where the baby can't decide if it's going to have it's mother's or father's blood type and ends up having to be transfused.

They gave me 2 1/2 complete oil changes when I was only 2 hrs old, and then everybody in the company where my dad and grandad worked went and refilled the blood bank.

So I always felt I wated to do my bit.
Unfortunately they also gave me hepatitis B. So nobody wants any of my blood or any of my organs. :P

Family rows are always horrid. Somehow we feel that we can say the most hurtful things to the people we know best...

Try really hard not to let it get you down too much - You only have one dad and, especially for a young man, he should be the person you can turn to for advice and council. Maybe things will get better! ;)

Title: Re: Need to vent!
Post by: ProfLiebstrom on March 30, 2005, 09:39:35 AM
Yeh doubtful though trust me. Me and my dad have had full blown fights with each other and ive put him in hospital twice with perforated ear drums where he has had to have surgery and skin grafts from his neck.

Just got back from doctors. She just wanted to know how everythings going on. Definately ruled out physiological for my tremor and definately psychological which I thought anyway. And was glad I finally got an appointment and I would see him tomorrow as well about my hand.

Her advice is to go out and get away from everyone at school when I go out and make friends with people there. And keep them group of friends seperate from school group, and to just go for a 10 minute walk to clear my head when things are brought up. Which is much easier said than done. And for now try to forget about it until after exams. (About my tremor this is now)

She tried to think of everything and was annoyed with herself when she couldn't think of anything more than that which could work. First suggested clubs......well clubs and things I used to go to were sports so they are out with my knee. Then friends and family speaking to them. Well my best friend set me up to be mugged and you all know about my family. Even the 10 minute walk wont work! From my house walk 10 minutes one way and you are in an area which is mostly muslim who mostly are fine but some are really racist and beyond that is an area with a lot of druggys. Walk another way and there is a park......but you have to pass where I was mugged to get there and the person who set me up to be muggeds house, although cant be proved it was him in court. Walk another way and its a hill up to my friends house. So that's out....hill's bad for knee's and im supposed to get away and meet new people for now. Walk other way and it's another even bigger hill. Which also leads past someone who I knew who died, an ex-best friends house (he moved away) and another not so pleasent area!

And going out, on my own and making friends with people I have never met is made so much harder when you don't feel you can even trust your best friends some of the time.

It's as if everything is out to get me and keep me isolated in this house!

The joys of my dad taking the piss as well about going to the doctors as soon as I step in the door as well which nearly set off another fight.
Title: Re: Need to vent!
Post by: rozzzie on March 30, 2005, 03:21:00 PM
I know this problem with your dad has got to be horrible, but you're strong and can take actions to help yourself.  Can you walk to the park but go around another block to stay away from the areas that bother you?  Or could you just walk around your block a few times, or just go sit outside away from the problems?   :o

I have problems with some in-laws and I have to deal with them.  I have set up a mental wall and anything from the other side of the wall is a bunch of ??.  I have trained myself to ignore anything they say.  Don't get me wrong it still hurts but I know that it is not true and go on.  It doesn't help you to have all these fights with your dad; it can only make things worse.  I hope you can use this idea and develop your own coping mechanism and learn to live with your dad without all the fighting.  Who knows if you change how you react to him, he may change because I think he is trying to get you to fight him.  ??? When you stop giving him his reward he may (I hope for your sake) stop.

Good luck