I can't do this anymore.....

[WolfsVixen]

Hello all, thought I'd let everyone know that I'm just ready to snap.  Tomorrow I start riding the bus to and from work....need almost 4,000 in car repairs done (two cars are down right now). It's not going to happen.  My moms back in New Mexico with my grandmother, she's bleeding to death internally and no one can figure out where it's going....she's had 6 blood transfusions in the past 3 days.  She's got almost no working heart (they say 30 to 40 precent is working) colon cancer and diabetes.  For two years we've ridden the you'd better get down here fast roller coaster.  My dog died on the 20th in my bed with his head on my hip.  My house is in forclosure - again.  The mortgage company refuses to take payment, one data base says send in the payments the other says the house has been sold and not to accept payment from me.  I paid almost ten thousand dollars in March to get out of forclosure for the same thing...they said the problem had been taken care of and not to worry about anything...Saturday I get the notice of intent to forclose.  Nice.....
My father still won't speak to me much less let me into the house to see my mother.  I'm so tired.  My knee is doing alright.  Sore from having to push the car out of the middle of the highway onto the side of the road but I don't think I did anything major to it.  Second surgery is next wednsday.  My boss has scheduled a disciplinary hearing for the end of the week due to my "absentism (sp sorry), as well as insubordination for refusing to leave my car on the side of the highway and walk to the next major street and ride the bus into work.  I stayed and got it towed and then the mechanic told me that it would cost almost 2500 to fix it.  Hubby brought down the other car and took the broken one home (total towing for the day almost 400 dollars), going to clean it out and then donate it to charity -  got into the other car and started to go to the office...it died in the middle of the street and didn't want to start again...finally I started to cry and it must have felt sorry for me or something because it started again.  When I got to work I was told that it disrupts the entire department when I'm not there....thats a load of b.s. I do data entry the real reason I was so "needed" was because my boss is on vacation and they wanted me to do her job and mine this week.  I'm so needed...give me a break.  So now I'm really ticked off... then to top it off the big boss says that she's denying my time off after surgery ("You did so well after the first I don't see why you need 3 weeks off") I'm off the 5th and 6th Surgery is on the 7th and they want me back to work on Friday (she says she'll let me have enough time to recover from the general anesthisia and get the swelling down - I was too upset to remind her that it took 4 weeks to get the swelling completely down with the other knee) so now I'll be riding the bus to and from work a 2 hour trip one way 4 days after surgery....When she found out about that she suggested I reschedule the surgery for next year....I don't think so...I started to cry and she asked me to leave the department so I wouldn't upset anyone else....

I'm a complete mess and I'm about to fall apart...any thoughts and prayers would be welcome...

Hugs to all...

Vix

[stgiles16]

OH Vix, I am so sorry to hear about all of your troubles. When it rains it pours, doesnt it?  You might want to check and see if your boss can legally require you to come back to work if the OS says you shouldnt. My old job tried that but it was illegal soooooooo I won. YOu will have my thoughts and prayers. Good LUck, keep your chin up, it will get better.

Hugs
Missy

[princesstina]

Poor Girl! I would defintely check into the legality of not allowing you proper recovery time. It sounds to me like they are trying to scare you into submission.
Hang in there sweetie! This to shall pass!!!

[Holly]

Dear, sweet Vix:

There isn't anything I can say that will make your situation any better...and it sure couldn't get worse!  I am SO SORRY you are suffering so in your life.  No one deserves that kind of trouble, and certainly you don't.

As far as the demand your office is making to have you return to work...I can tell you that it is ABSOLUTELY NOT LEGAL to insist that you return before your doctor releases you for work.  In this country, you are entitled to 26 weeks' disability no matter what your job says.  HOWEVER...if your office or company employs 11 employees or fewer they do not have to guarantee you a job when you are ready to return.  Therein lies the rub!  My office (which employs 7 people) made a point of saying they would "try" to hold my job for when I got better, but weren't REQUIRED to.  Nice loyalty, huhn?  So, if your job is already giving you sh*t about attitude, absenteeism, etc. you may not have much to go on.  The only thing is...they can't FIRE you for having a disability.  If they did, you would have grounds for a TREMENDOUS LAWSUIT!  They just don't have to promise you a job when you're ready to return if there are 11 or fewer employees.  The problem rests in whether they have documented the other problems...absenteeism, etc....because that might be grounds for dismissal having nothing to do with your new surgery and subsequent disability leave.  Let me just say that I think you may need to speak with an attorney - most will give you a free consultation, and will only charge you (on a contingency basis) if there is a case.  Of course, that's putting the horse before the cart, since they haven't fired you.

I know you must just want to give up and do what they say...put off your surgery.  I think that would be an awful choice, because you wouldn't be having this second surgery if you didn't really need it.  You MUST TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!  If you must look at it this way, try to see that if you're a wreck (physically and mentally) you won't be able to help all your family who are going through so much along with you.

You have my prayers and all my very best good wishes.  And I am sending you lots of gentle hugs and warmest thoughts for your upcoming surgery.  Hang in there, sweetie.  We kneegeeks love you and feel for you!

Holly

[dm]

I agree with the others.  I think that your supervisor is getting on you because he doesn't want to do the job that's been shoved off on you, and it has to get done by someone, and if you dont show, then that person's stuck with it.

I think that they can't do that to you, threatening your job when the time off has already been arranged. I presume you're in the US. FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act) requires that they allow up to 12 weeks off and them holding your job for you, providing you gave notice, etc which I presume you did, arranging for surgery. I'd check on making sure you've followed the requirements of FMLA. If your doctor says you're medically incapacitated temporarily, fills out the FMLA paperwork, and you turn that in, it's a lot harder for them to get on you about not being able to be there, if you give them paperwork from your doctor saying how long you'll need to recover.

If I were you, I'd keep track of who said what, when and who else saw/heard what happened. You could potentially have a case against the company for creating a hostile work environment - possibly another violation of the labor laws, which would allow you to fight for unemployment compensation benefits if they terminate you.

I'm sorry about your grandmom, your dad's obstinacy, your pet passing, the issues with the house, etc.

With regard to the house issue - forclosure proceedings, if you call them again, don't deal with a customer service rep, ask to speak to a supervisor straight away. That might save you explaining things multiple times to people who can do nothing anyway.

With regards to vehicular problems, would it be worth looking to see if there's a vocational school that has an automotive program that might be able to help with your vehicle? Some schools get cars to fix that way, they will do the labor, you only pay parts, and they teach the students how to fix it. It might be worth a try, they might be able to do the "bare essentials" to get you on the road again. Another thought is to ask around to see if you have any friends of friends who is a mechanic, who might be able to do the same "bare bones" fixing for you, on the side so to speak. I know what car shops and being a solo female is like - they often see dollar signs when you walk in with a busted car and no one with "huevos" to deal with it with you or for you. I would suspect that part of the things they say you need might be able to be considered "non essential, but need to do soon" versus "have to do it to get it running or it wont run", if you know what I mean.

I hate to point it out, but abandoning a vehicle can be disastrous in some places, as you might just find a shell when you get back to it, but your boss's boss doesn't care about that, obviously. He's a real back end of a horse, as said in the way that the censors wont allow!!

I hope that things work out, I'll keep my fingers crossed for you!

[hopeful1]

Oh, Vix!

What an incredibly awful, frustrating, sad and irritating time!  The only thing I can do is listen-er- read, and send lots of goodness your way!  I might go so far as to send bad thoughts your employers way - but THAT would be mean!

My heart goes out to you, Vix!  You are in my prayers - for the right things to happen, and the right people to cross your path and open doors for you.

Hugs and peace,

L.

[WolfsVixen]

I've got FMLA - but to her it's just an annoyance.  I've waited 15 years for this surgery, every step is agony (since my patella catches on femur and tibia) I will be d**ned if I'm going let her force me to live this way. I hate being like this - I hate not being able to live a normal life, I can't even play with my kids.  Will I ever be competly normal? I know I won't be theres too much damage already done to the patella, but to be able to take a step with out the level of pain I have now is worth it.  My boss (not the big boss) is a physical therapist and the big boss is a Nurse that got her masters in business as it relates to the medical field...you figure that they would have at least a little sympathy.  My pt boss and I had a little "talk" this afternoon and it was suggested to me that maybe, the "department doesn't fit me anymore"  translated - "I think you might want to transfer to another department on your own before we make your life unbearable."

On the house side, they won't even talk to me now - they just refer me to their lawyers here in Denver.  I talked to an attorney that said he "might" be able to help but his retainer was almost 2000!  Sure I could give him some of the mortgage money, but if I lost the case then I wouldn't have the money to cure the forclosure.  Either way I loose - the only thing I can figure out is that the I owe 80 on the house but it's worth 200, guess they figure they'll make some serious money if they can buy it and then put it on the market and sell it - make themselves 120 thousand dolllars...nice bit of profit for very little work.  People say thats not true but one never knows why these mortgage companies do what they do.  

I spoke to my grandmother she said they finally found out where the blood was going (one would think that there arn't too many places for it to go   ) but who knows. They won't let her go home yet (duh) her kidneys shut down and they're trying to get them started again.  Makes me not want to get old....

Well I'm going to try to get the "sometimes running" car home, have a drink (I can since I'm off all my knee meds (asprin etc) and then go to bed.

Love and hugs to all - thank you for caring!

Vix

[Nettan]

Hey Vix !!!

So bad you have it right now. It's so weird that problems come together and not one at a time.
I hope though that everything will be solved to the best for you. You are in my thoughts.

hugs from nettan  

[Natalie.D]

Hi Vix,

So sorry to hear of what you're going through.  I know how you feel, I'm just starting to come out of a disastrous time when everything seemed to go wrong at once, everything started just before Christmas for me and went something like this:-

1.  In November found out my mum had terminal cancer.
2.  My marriage fell apart at Christmas.
3.  I was SOOO stressed out I started having physical symptoms which led me to believe I had MS, I had appointments at neurologist, doctors, rheumatologists, turned out it was purely down to stress and worry.
4.  My mum died of cancer in April.
5.  I had to move house in May and was frantic with worry over where I was going to live (I have 2 kids and pets), finally managed to buy myself somewhere but it needs LOADS of work done to it.  
6.  My uncle ended up in hospital for 3 weeks and was very seriously ill.  
7.  I was terribly worried about my dad after losing my mum, he wasn't coping very well.
8.  My knees were playing up badly.
9.  My poor little cat died unexpectedly at only 6 years old.  

I'm thinking what on earth can go wrong now?  :-/ At times like this it seems that all the bad things will never end, but they have to eventually, just try to hang in there and hopefully things will start to get better for you soon.  Will be thinking of you and hoping things get better for you.  Take care.

Natalie  x

[Holly]

Hi Vix:

Yeah, FMLA was what I was referring to - it's just that it doesn't apply to companies with fewer than 12 people, as I said.  I'm glad your company HAS TO abide by those rules.  Would a transfer to another department help?  Maybe they wouldn't be such b*stards, like your bosses!  

Again, I wish there were something constructive I could do to help you...but, alas my husband and I are also in dire financial straights as he is going to lose his job in about 2 weeks.  We have to put our house on the market and hope for the best, because we still have 1 child in college and the kid deserves to be able to finish.  He's been on Dean's List EVERY SEMESTER since he began, and still has 2 years to go.  Also, as I've mentioned elsewhere on this website, my 22 year old son has just told us that he and his on-off-on girlfriend are going to have a baby in January...and, although she refuses to marry him or even live with him (she wants to stay at home with "mommy and daddy") she expects him to pay for all the medical expenses - as he, of course, wants to do.  Tough on a new salesman for Verizon!  Also, since she won't marry him and doesn't have any health insurance (and can't get on his because she - again - WON'T MARRY HIM) the costs are all out-of-pocket.  So I'd love to be able to help him as much as possible...but right now I've got NOTHING to spare!  And since my husband was also laid off for 8 months 2 years ago, we depleted every penny we had put aside for our retirement (we're 50 after all) just to stay solvent and pay for our other 2 kids who were in college at the same time!  And they dropped out just after my husband finally got another job!  Oh well...you do what you can!

So, my husband says this:  He's crunched the numbers and has determined that we can afford to retire "5 years after we're dead!"  He actually made me laugh when he said that.  I know my problems are NOTHING compared to what you're going through but, again, if I could I would certainly try to help you.

Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you at this terribly difficult time!

Hugs!

Holly

[Heather M.]

Holly,

Just a quick note regarding the kid in college now...universities don't let people drop out of school for financial reasons.  I wanted desperately to go to Georgetown University and study International Relations.  Except that my dad had taken early retirement and my mom was in the middle of a career change and we had NO income.  We talked to the financial counselors there and they sad to do whatever we had to in order to get through the first year.  Then open our books, declare that we have no money and I would have to drop out if they couldn't help.  I got a free ride for the rest of my 3 years at GU!  The college/university will do just about anything to keep good students who are financially strapped from dropping out.

So have your kid start talking to the financial counselors and get those applications going.  We managed to pay my first year (GULP! Over $25K!!) because I happened to be hit by a car on my way to swim team practice.  Not the best way to pay for your college education, but since the accident eliminated my swim scholarship, it only seemed fair.  Since your family has already paid for 2 years, I think you guys definitely have standing to apply for emergency financial aid.  Check it out, okay?  College isn't going to make the rest of your kid's life, but it's like the ante you have to pay to even sit at the table....

Take care.

Heather

[Helen_uk]

All I can say is I feel for you and wish I could come round put the kettle on and listen to you and help you but I cant but I can be there for you on here.
Sending love and hugs and hope that things will improve and get better for you in the mean time  :-*and take care
Love H xxx

[angela]

Dear Vix

Hay sweetie, I thought that I'd drop a line to let you know that I am thinking of you.

There is this proverb my best friend told me a few years ago when my baby sister died I was so not coping well with it.  

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Okay yes pessimistic at first glance, but true never the less.

By the end of this you'll be one of the strongest people on earth

If there is anything I can help with let me know.  (I live in the UK so the amaerican laws I am afraid I am not too familiar with) but if you just need to yell at some one (or type really really hard)  

Love
Angie

[hopeful1]

Hi, Vix!

I was just wondering how you are....I know that things have been so incredibly hard - I hope you are finding yourself in a better place!

Hugs and love to you...

L.

[WolfsVixen]

I'm feeling a bit better. Grandma got to go home finally (they found out that when she fell down that she ripped her colostomy and it was bleeding inside)  Working hard to get over the dog.  House doesn't seem right yet, but I'm sure it'll get better with time.  I decided to just give my boss the silent (and invisible finger lol) I'm not going to let her get to me.  I'd like to take a crowbar and shove it under her knee cap so that she could understand what I feel everyday when I take a step.  I have to get my fmla paper work redone it expires soon, and I don't want to give her any exuses to write me up.  Surgery on my right knee was yesterday, seems to have gone well, pain isn't bad and I can almost bring my heel to my butt except for the fact that I'm wrapped up like a mummy, am keeping fingers, legs, toes and anthing else I can crossed that I won't have to do formal PT (OS didn't make me last time so I'm hopeful about this one too)  I'll know how my rom is on Friday when I get to take  the bandages off and leave them off.  OS wants me to start doing my leg lifts tomorrow.  Easy enough to do.  He's a great doctor and said that if everything has gone right with both knees I may not have to get anything major done ever (maybe a scope just to clean up any thing that comes of the back of the patella).  

Am going to start cramming money away so I can cure the forclosure on the house as soon as I get the paperwork (4 months or so from now)  With as much as hubby as been working (50+ a week) I'm hoping to be ready when they are.  Then I'm goijng to get a lawyer and try to get as much back as I can.  Doesn't seem fair that because of a computer glitch on their side that they get to do this, but I'd rather save the house, so I'm just not going to worry about it too much since this wasn't my fault.  

Thank you all for thinking about me!

Vix