I found this site by mistake tonight and even was first looking at post on " Petalli Tendon ruptures " and after first logging in this was the first thing I came to instead. I wont go thru all that i have been thru injures. surgeries etc. (started 04' and still going - 2011' and still dealing with surgery, post surgeries, recovery, highs, lows, discovery of ones-self to back over the ledge again to out of my mind insane mixed in with sleep depraved strung out pin head ( which I have always have been a mentally and physically strong will at heart, but never was prepared to deal with this)
.......to never thinking clearer in my life.
Im am so thankful for the days I live in the gutter etc the valleys (not have always felt that way, but I thought I was strong before all this..........but as of today
i cant even count how many days ive had were I really felt like "okay this is it, Im at the end of my rope, what else can happen, how can it get any worse to were worse is when the pain is so thru and thru (mentally, physically, all in between and to pray words doesn't even compute in your brain to even speak to God for help doesn't register its just you heart and soul crying out to survive)
Very active person, was (and still will be one day again) a Coach, Die hard (avid traveling) surfing, competitive bodybuilder, business owner and father of 2 and married for 12yrs to my lovely wife who has had M.S. since 20ys old. Now Her 29yrs and myself 31yrs
These I have all lost but will keep striving to get back. The days God delivers me from a hour of no pain or etc. its just a gift now just for that hour that (to some right now that know me may think looking at the outside of me see a person the feel sorry for or bad for) but little to they know theres are days that I feel more alive then every before.
not trying to compare anything to what you have been thru or going thru right now, not one person is the same or feels similar feelings while going thru life's hurdles,,,,,,,but we are feel one similar feeling the same way when it hits us and that is being that you feel defeated, defeated but life, mate, the world.
Bottom line is your not only my friend, you are not a weak person or less than who you were. This is the enemies' lie that he wants you to believe. Which he still catches me on my weakness days and I still fall in believing these lies. But thats when I pick myself up ( even ifts its at times just producing a feeling of hope from your soul in just saying I wont believe this again even if its a half faint "huh" Im alive still here feeling)
Today ( and maybe thousands more to come) might be seeming not worth a crap or what the point feeling days to new soul cleanliness proud days and back down again.
Keep the faith and continue to fight another day not just for your self but for me, for others like us, to ones that are not like us but are dead inside anyway because self satisfaction or a life of not stepping up to the next level of the mountain top.
Just remember the days that are low as low, there is another going thru something similar in pain with you or are being strong on the days you are weak and ones who are moving forward
Every day we are woken to breath another day is a gift.
I will be praying for you to pull thru this weekend and try to enjoy Xmas with you family this year.
Keep up the great progress.....Keep the faith.