More bad luck!!

[tink1976]

Right now they have me on neurontin. I am also on flexeril and hydrocodone 7.5 and also a sleeping pill. I think the problem Im having is not just the break but just everything I have been through the past year. It starts to get to me when you have nothing but time on your hands. I have my computer, tv, books and other things to keep my occupied but when your immobile everything tends to get old and boring real quick. Then its the exhuastion I feel. I stay tired. I cant sit up all day. It just wears me out. And also makes my butt, my back and my calf ( where I guess it the weight of the cast is on it when Im sitting up) so I have to lay down and take the pressure off those areas. My house is hard to get around in. I get stuck and frustrated when I try to do things. I can mangage to get in kitchen and fix me something to eat but that wears me out. Where it may take my mom a few minutes to make a sandwhich... it takes me like 15 minutes to do it. Its just things I cant do. etc shower, get out the house, do laundery.. just like things that add up. Then Im not going to lie.. fear. PT with my TTT was REAL painful. I remember screaming and crying when they had to "help" bend my knee. I worried it is going to hurt again. Then with the cast I feel as if everything is protected. I know if I hit my leg.. Im not going to feel it. With the hinged brace it is all exposed. I keep thinking what if.. what if I fall..what if I hit my leg.. I know I shouldnt do that but those are the thoughts that run through my head. It does make me feel better that Im at the halfway point and can start bending even though Im scared and worried about the pain I know that it is progress. I already have atrophy in my right quad and being immobile for this long.. I know its going to be worse. Idk. I have good days where Im fine.. then days where I feel like my world is crashing down around me. I have my fiance who is great. but at the same time I know everybody is under alot of stress and I dont wanna stress anybody else out with what Im feeling. So I tend to just hold it in or deal with it alone or through this site. Well anyway.. ty for all the support and kind words. Its great to have people that actually understand.

[tink1976]

Well I got the cast off and am now in a hinged brace. I have to be very careful not to bear any weight on that leg which is alot harder than it was in the cast. They say that everything happens for a reason and over these past 7 weeks I have tried to figure out that reason to try and make all this easier to accept. This may sound cheesey or whatever but this is what i came up with.. After my sugery and even after months of PT I loss 40% function of my leg. I couldnt go up and down steps normally, I couldnt squat, jump, run, had to use a cane sometimes as my knee would give out and I would fall. I even loss some ROM and was told it was permanat. I had a very very hard time accepting that. Your leg is supposed to be better after surgery.. not worse. Then I went to go help somebody and the pwer wheelchair feel on my leg. Now I have NO fucntion of that right leg. Makes me appreicate that 60% function I did have. I really dont care if I cant go up and down steps normally, if alot of walking makes it swells or even having to use a cane. I can now accept that. All I want is to be able to walk again. Maybe that was Gods way of making me appreicate what function I did have. Its still hard.. frustrating and I do get angry. I get tired of hearing " its only temporary" or "it could be worse" I know it is and I know it could be worse.. but its bad for me. I think back on that day and it really upsets me. Its not just a broken leg.. it is how it happend and what all I had to go through with that surgery. The ironic part is.. Last year this time.. I was in a hinged brace.. unable to drive and walk.. Now.. Im in a hinged brace and unable to drive or walk yet AGAIN.  This site is what has helped. It is hard for people to understand unless they have been there.. and everybody here has bad knees, frustration and is recovering. I know my leg will never be what it was prior to surgery and Im now ok with it... I just wanna walk, drive and be able to take care of my kids. I go back to OS Nov 7th and start PT after that. I know it is going to be rough and problay painful. Good thing is I have gotten my ROM to about 70-80 in just 4 days. It was only like 40. The only good thing about the surgery is I know what to do to get ROM back. Hope everybody is doing well and has a great day... Hugs to all!!!!

[Arity]

Oh Tink!!  ((((hugs)))

I just read your entire thread.  I so, so feel for you!! I think everything you are feeling is perfectly normal!!!  Who could be expected to remain cheerful all the time going through what you have (and continue) to go through.  People mean well when they say the things that drive us all crazy, but until they have been through it, they just can't understand!  Of COURSE it is bad for you!  Don't ever doubt yourself, you are incredibly strong!!!  You are getting through it, your way.   The only thing to hold on to is that you WILL get through it.  It doesn't feel like it right now I'm sure, but you will get there. The fact that you have already increased your ROM so much is a testatment to that!

Take care of yourself, and please as you said to me, keep us updated on how you are doing!!!

Lori

[tink1976]

Thanks Lori.  Im hanging in there and focusing on the postive things. Getting ROM back, getting the cast off and each day that passes is a day closer to walking again. My OS said I have a long road ahead of me and they may have to "teach" my right leg to walk again. He has decreased my pain pills as he said once I start PT in 6 weeks that Im going to need stronger ones then. That is fine with me. The pain is controlled with a low dose anyway. The only thing that gets me is Im weak. I guess not being able to do much does that do you. I have to lay down mid day and rest. I am slowly trying to gain strength as I know Im going to need it when PT starts. I have my days where I feel like breaking. I see my kids having a hard time seeing me like this. Missing my sons volleyball game, trying to find a ride for them if the school calls and says they sick or even just getting somebody to get them from the bus stop when it is storming here. My 8 year old daughter is terrified of storms. But in a way it is bringing all of us closer together too. They are pretty good with helping mommy but then again they are kids and want to do kid things. I see the stress my mom is under with helping with me, the kids, working, doing all the housework and laundry. I will be so happy to be able to take some of that off of her. I do have a great fiance who comes over when he can to help out. I always joke and tell him that after my knee surgery when I was able too ( this past may) he took me on a cruise to the Bahamas as a way to celebrate and unwind since those past months were really stressful. That is where he proposed. Now I broke my leg and going through it again so where is he taking me next? lol. I do know that once I recover we are going to go away for the weekend and celebrate.. Not a cruise but still a mini vacation lol