Fulkerson with a twist

[mermaids]

Thanks, Crankerchick. Saw my OS this morning.  He really, really, really does not want to do another surgery.  He recognizes that there is really no such thing as a "minor" surgery.   

MRI is scheduled for Friday.  We didn't talk too much about what it might be or what might need to be done  to fix it.  We are going to wait to see what the MRI shows first.  No need to start fretting about things until we know more. 

We are approaching the time when principals start interviewing for positions for the next school year.  I asked my OS if I should bother interviewing, will I be able to work full time by August.  He said he is not optimistic.    My principal & colleagues have been extremely understanding this year.  If I accepted a position for next year and needed time off, I know the principal would be continue to be understanding.  I just can't do that.  I don't like not being able to live up to my commitments.  At this point, I question if I can make it thru the rest of this school year. 

[Kat_Walk]

So how did the MRI go? Do you have the results yet? I am a little surprised they are happy to wack you through an MRI machine given the screws. My OS has been holding off on doing an MRI on me given he doesn't want to risk the screws moving any. Mind you, my bone density leaves a little to be desired given the extended period of non weight bearing. If it makes you feel like you are not alone Mermaids, I am having trouble too. They think the scar tissue might be coming back. Having said that I think you sound like you are in a lot more pain than me.

Hope to hear some news re: the scans. Keep us posted.
Bambi xx

[mermaids]

I didn't know what I wanted to hear from the MRI results.  Another surgery was not an attractive option.  No relief from the pain was not an attractive option either.  The MRI looked clear.  He said it was reassuring to see that everything looks good in terms of the TTT. However, there is nothing definitive to explain the pain when I tighten the quad.  We talked about various narcotics for pain relief.  I passed on those.... for now.  We decided to do another round of PT to try to build the quad back up. 

We discussed home exercise options, but I hate exercise.  It bores me to tears.  I've tried listening to music or watching TV while on the elliptical.  Still boring.  He suggested a personal trainer, but I reminded him that I am not made of money.  I don't like sports.  I am the least competitive person on the planet so I don't get the allure of most sports.  I know I *need* to do it, but I have been doing it for a long, long time.  I mustered up the spirit to go to PT and do my exercises in the hopes that my knee would soon be better and I could be done with all this.  But I am rapidly running out of muster.  If I have to do one more wall squat, I will tear my eyes out. 

I am a creative person.  I like to make things.  I want a tangible product for all my efforts.  I like the mental challenge of figuring out how to take the vision that is in my head and make it reality.  I am currently designing and making costumes for the high school's spring musical.  OMG.  I am in heaven.  When I was in the MRI machine, I was mentally working out costume designs, planning fabrics, drafting patterns, etc.  Students have commented how I positively beam and sparkle when I talk about the costumes.  Chasing a ball around a court or pedaling a bike does not engage my brain.  (If I cared about winning, I know the strategy part would be mentally challenging, but I really don't care who wins.  I really don't care if the ball goes in the basket.) 

My OS said he has not entirely given up.  He wants to think about it a bit longer.  I have noticed that he is not one to make hasty decisions.  He likes to mull things over.  In hindsight, I wish my return appointment with him were not so soon after getting the MRI results.  He said if he gets any brilliant ideas, he will email me. 

Yes, I am frustrated that there are no clear solutions.  However, in an odd way, it is a relief.  If this is as good as it is going to get, then, ok.... I will play the cards I've been dealt.  Shakespeare said "Expectation is the root of all heartache."  I was spending so much energy "hoping" for improvement, hoping to get back the life I once had.  Well, I don't have that life anymore.  I will have a new one, a different one.  In the immortal words of Tim Gunn, I will "make it work."  People have dealt with far bigger challenges in their lives.  I have been through things far worse than this.  I will do my stint in PT, but then I think I am done.  This has consumed far too much of my life. 

[smillie]

Mermaids, you've had a lateral release, have you been checked for medial instability? None of the first 6 doctors I saw even checked for it, but my current doctor did and it's there and now I'm going to have my lateral release reversed/reconstructed. I ask because tightening my quads sets me off as well. Something as simple as 5-10 quad sets will be uncomfortable while I'm doing them, but then will set off a red/hot/pain/swelling episode soon afterward. PT just made things increasingly worse whenever I tried it--it all just snowballed.  I have no idea if this could be your issue, but what you wrote sounded a little familiar and I just thought I would throw it out there since you are not getting any results. Never hurts to ask... 

[Kat_Walk]

Wow, Mermaids, you and I share the same view.. exercise.. BORING! ok, I like the fact that I feel better for it but its so mind numbing. As for the ball in the hole, who cares?? (Sorry Cdubb, no offense!)

I cant say I share the sewing passion but I need things that mentally challenge me, not physically. I also share your feelings of being so consumed by the events of my knee, and I am also over it. You inspire me, I am going to take a leaf out of your book and surge forward. I too have had a rough few weeks, particularly this last week. I've been struggling with the fact that maybe this is it, and I have to learn to cope, but mentally I am not quite ready to except it - not when things have been better then gotten worse.
You have to ask yourself, how much more PT?? Surely this is not going to be a lifestyle thing.

Question.. what is medial instability? I didn't know they could re-construct the LR..

[smillie]

Sometimes the lateral release loosens things up too much on the lateral side and your patella tries to slide out on the medial side. And yes, it can be repaired or the ligament reconstructed. It's one of the reasons to be really cautious before having a lateral release done.

[mermaids]

My OS is quite thorough. He checked for every kind of instability when this first happened.  He (and my PT guys) have been poking, proding, twisting, etc to check the mechanics of the joint.  No one can figure it out. 

Yesterday, I stayed home from work.  I am the girl who goes to work with a temp of 102.  I never call in sick.  I can always push through.  After not sleeping all night due to pain, I got up and was not sure I could walk.  The pain was unbelievable.  I spent the day icing and elevating and medicating.  Ok, I also worked on costumes for the play a bit. 

Today, the pain is tolerable, but not great.  I have tried to sit as often as possible today.  Fortunately, I haven't had to walk around campus too much.  At least it is Friday so I can perhaps rest a little more.  The play starts next week, so costumes must be finished. 

Sewing is actually a good activity in terms of knee pain.  Sitting for too long or standing for too long is painful.  With sewing, I sit at the machine for a few minutes, then get up to pin or iron something.  The movement is good.  Plus, sewing is also incredibly relaxing for me.  It calms me.  Focusing on the project is a great distraction from everything else in the world. 

Since it seems there is no relief from this pain in sight, I need to find ways to relax.  I am looking for a massage therapist in my area who knows something about treating chronic pain.  My OS offered a variety of narcotics, but I would prefer to avoid those as much as possible.

I start PT again on Monday.  I know that will be painful... Sigh.  If I knew it would help, the pain wouldn't bother me.  I just don't want to go through all that pain, time, and money for nothing.   

[Kat_Walk]

How did the play go? Costumes finished in time I presume?
How are you managing with the pain. I can imagine it must be intense if you called in sick.
You are in my thoughts.
Bambi xx

PS. Happy birthday!

[mermaids]

The play was fantastic.  Such talented students.  The costumes were finished on time and looked great on stage.  The students made sure I had a stool to sit on while I did hair & make up.  The tech crew were wonderful about fetching things for me. 

The knee... ugh.  Back in PT with the drill sergeant PT guy.  I am a tiny bit hopeful that I could make some progress with him.  We had a few sessions, then he had to leave town for a family emergency.  Yesterday was my first visit with him since he returned.  OMG.  After the session, my legs were like rubber.  Two hours later, the muscles were still trembling.  I am so sore today, but that is good.  Trying to do some stretches during the day to loosen things up. 

I did lots of reps on the leg press.  Only 55 pounds.  Step downs were easy until he made me do them very slowly while he held my heel down.  Very deep squats.  Ugh.  I would do a couple, then the stabbing pain would come back.  I would swear under my breath, take a walk around the room to shake it off, then go back for more.  While helping me stretch afterwards, he massaged around the knee and hit a spot that sent me through the roof.  Of course, that meant he had to poke it several more times to see if he had the right spot.  At my next appt, he will do some deep tissue massage to loosen up whatever is tight.  Doesn't that sound like fun? 

The pain might be a bit better, but only a tiny bit.  Hate to brag too quickly because it could all be crap again tomorrow.  PT guy noticed that there is some muscle coming back.   No one is making promises anymore.  The goal is get my leg as strong as possible and find a way to manage the pain. 

[Kat_Walk]

So how are things? Any improvement??

[mermaids]

Not much new to report.  Still have the quad issue.  Finished up another round of PT with no real improvement.  My quad muscle is coming back.  It is almost the same size as the other one.  However, that muscle was built on a lot of tears.  A couple weeks ago, I was trying to do SLRs with weight.  Couldn't hold back the tears, so PT guy made me stop.  I wanted to keep going.  After that, he would only do e-stim stuff. 

This week, PT guy gave me a home TENS unit to try.  He wants me to really use it a lot for the next two weeks and see if there is any relief from the pain.  I have two types of pain.  There is the general achy, throbbing pain throughout the joint all day/night.  That pretty much never goes away.  When I tighten the quad, it is sharp pain at the top of the patella... like someone is jabbing a knife under my patella.  When I am using the TENS, the generalize pain is much better.  It returns as soon as I turn off the TENS and it does nothing for the stabbing quad pain.... but I've only had it for two days.    I look like the Borg from Star Trek.  PT guy would like for me to use during the day... while I am at school.  Not sure if I really want to draw even MORE attention to my knee by parading around school with wires and a battery pack.  We are doing end of year testing and my students don't any more distractions.  I will bring it to school and hook myself up during lunch and planning periods. 

I bought a bike and ride 5-6 miles almost every day.  It hurts to ride.  Usually have to choke back the tears on the last mile or two.  Have to ice/rest afterward.  Lots of pain for the rest of the evening.  So why do I do it?  Well it still hurts if I do nothing, so I may as well try to rebuild some muscle.  I also signed up for a dance class... Broadway show tunes!  When I asked PT guy if it would be ok, he said, "You really can't screw up your knee any more than it already is.... so why not?"  Obviously, there will be things I can't do in the class and I will quit if it looks too "dangerous" for my knee.  I have a new attitude about all of this: It hurts no matter what I do, so I may as well do fun things.  I am tired of my knee pain ruling my life.  It appears that the pain is always going to be there, so it is time to just suck it up and move on. 

[Kat_Walk]

How has the month of June be treating you? Any positive to report? When do you guys finish up for the school year? Isn't it about now?
My kids only have a 2 week break from the 8th July. Their big 2 month holidays are at Christmas time, so it sounds a bit unusual to hear you talk of the "end of the year" in July.

How is the dance class going? How is the knee holding up through it?
I can certainly relate to the idea of just sucking it up and doing what ever the heck anyway coz the pain is there no matter what. Frustrating tho isn't it?

[mermaids]

No good news.     I have my own TENS unit now.  It feels good while I have it on, but there is no long lasting effect.  I have an appt with another specialist in a couple weeks.  My OS wants someone else to look at it just to be sure we haven't missed anything. 

We talked more about a partial replacement.  My OS is still not crazy about the idea, but thinks it will most likely come to that.  His concern is finding the right surgeon to do it.  He said lots of people do them, but not many do them right.  He won't do it.  However, there is a really good partial replacement guy who might be coming to our university for a bit.  My OS is looking into getting me into see him, but that is months and months away.

The dance class is so much fun.  I can do quite a bit, often better than the girls who are decades younger than I am.  Flexibility has never been a problem.  However, there are times when the just won't do what I want it to, or I get that stabbing pain under the patella.  Jazz squares are ridiculously painful.  This week's class was painful.  Instructor was a little freaked out because it was so clear I was in pain, but I kept going. 

Fortunately, school is out until late August.  Not standing on my feet for 8 hours a day helps.  It also gives me more time to do things dance class and ride my bike. 

[socogirl76]

Hey everyone.... i am now 4 months post op now, and it has been a long 4 months.... i just started back to work part time.  Thats all my OS would okay me for.....  Let me tell you I think now PT may even be too much.  I have my brace and sometimes I even put an ace under it because my scar is way to sensitive for the brace to be right on it.  I can also feel both screws in there right now too.  OKay enough of the babble... In the past three weeks my knee has been doing ALOT of popping to the point I see stars.  I also have the side of my leg (outside of my knee ) that is killing me.  I get this one area right under my knee cap that swells up like I have a egg in there.  The whole side of my leg is killing me, and my OS wont take the pins out till october..... any tips i can do or just any ideas what could be going on .  I had the  fulkerson and latteral release done Feb 28..

[mermaids]

Still no good news.  Dr S referred me to a colleague to make sure he didn't miss something.  Dr A is not optimistic.  Wants to do a CAT scan to get a better look, but not expecting to find anything earth shattering.  He thinks I am just one of those unlucky people who will never be without knee pain. 

He said there is the possibility of more surgery, but the chances of good outcome would be very low.  He said I should no longer think in terms of a "cure" or a permanent fix.  The most I can hope for is "a bit of relief."

He is keeping the possibility of the of CRPS in the back of his mind.  There are some indicators, but it is not glaringly obvious.  That thought has been lurking in the back of my mind too.

We know more after the scan... maybe.  I am no longer getting my hopes up.