Crankerchick, you certainly didn't sound perky or annoying or anything of the sort! Everything you wrote was right on the mark.
In my head I know you are right. I've got to just find out if it's fixed - push it and see...and live with whatever happens. I am just prolonging finding out - and since it IS fixed, it's so true that I am robbing myself of time with a great, functional knee. When I don't want to do things, friends think it's because my knee must hurt. It's so hard to explain that it totally DOESN'T hurt - it just feels weird, and sometimes I'm just exhausted from fighting to move/walk normally. I often repeat in my head, "I'm so over this. I'm so over this. I'm so over this."
I think the problem is that in my rehab we skipped some basic steps. I could squat and jump before the surgery - just about anything that kept the knee bent, and therefore stable. I could swim 2km, no problem. I biked 12km to work every day. What I couldn't do was walk properly or stand on that leg with it fully extended, with quad contracted (i.e., tree pose in yoga).There is a basic foundation that I am missing. My new physio and are going to start attacking that this week.
As for plyometrics - you are right about needing to get "moving". I like stable, isometric exercises - which will only get me so far. However, I am starting with a personal trainer this week. We are going to start slow and see where things go. I'm going to stick with this to the bitter end! I have to get this left leg working to its full capacity...because the right knee is twitching with a sneaky sense of instability and it needs to be fixed too.
Thank you for the inspiring words.