I am stuck in a mind games mode of the "what ifs...."  I know I am looking at at least 2 operations for arthrofibrosis, possibly a third to fixing the original problem.  What if I wait until the summer to have it done?  I wouldn't miss work (for a school system) but what if my mom is too sick for me to leave (she has ALS and it will be 2 years in March).  My mom has already said she wants me to have  the surgery no matter what, but I can't leave her if she's really sick.  What if she died while I was out of state for my knee?  What if waiting until June does even more damage?  By my PTA's measurements, my baja has gotten worse and is now 1.25 inches below my better knee.  The OS thought in August that the LOA and AIR will resolve the baja, but will waiting cause it to be permenent? 

What if when I see my OS next month he says I need surgery now?  I don't have the time off necessary.  I used FMLA last year and can't use it again until after 3/24.  What if I lose my job because of my knee?  That would mean no health insurance.  In my heart I know I need surgery sooner rather than later.  People comment I am walking better, but even with pain medicine I get awful crushing pains to go with the sharp stabbing ones.  I am having to pay for the Lyrica, a neurological pain med, out of pocket because my insurance denied it.  For the most part it really helps, but it doesn't help the crushing pain.  Neither does the Ultracet I was recently given. 

And the biggest what if is what if I get another infection?  I am looking at renting a furnished apartment in SC and staying there until my 1 mo check up because I figure I will be past the infection point by then.  I am terrified of getting an infection and either being away from my OS or away from my family.  I have an ID dr here and am going to contact him after my appointment next month to see what precautions he recommends to avoid infection.  I do not know how I am going to afford all of this - the surgery, lodging, rental car....

Basically I am scared and overwhelmed.  And having to worry about how much longer my mom will be around doesn't help in trying to plan this.  I feel awful complaining to my mom, I mean, I just have this little knee problem while she is facing the lack of control of her body while her mind stays fully functional.  Ok, I am crying, time for me to go.

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Flip flop, Rozzie is so right on with her advice!
Your old post a couple months ago about lifting your Mom up stated that you have your Dad and brother at home to so she is not totally dependent on you . 
My Dad used to feel guilty about me not being able to do things because I took care of him. I had no one else to help . But I didn't mind. Still he felt bad.
So I am thinking your Mom feels the same way. She doesn't want you to put off your own health issues.  I will PM you on a couple things that needed be brought up on here.

I just wanted Rozzie to know that she is such a wonderful , caring person who has helped many on this site . Ron

Thank you all for listening.  I get really overwhelmed sometimes.  Just wish there were cut and dry answers.  It may sound awful, but I wish I knew how much longer I will have my mom.  Oh well.  It is a new day and I am doing better.

Thank you for reminding me that my mom wants to see me get better.  I really appreciate your kind words of support.

Missy, I LOVE the lyrica.  It is helping so much with the pain from arthrofibrosis.  My PM dr decided the majority of my pain is nerve pain.  He explained it that having chronic pain for so long releases too much of a neurotransmitter and the cell walls of the nerves starts to break down, sending even more pain signals.  I had been on vicodin, percoset, high (2400 mg/day) motrin, methadone, and the lyrica is the first to help with the pain.  Well, the methadone eliminated the pain but I was awful awful sick on it.  The lyrica helps with everyday pain, the sharp, stabbing pain, but NOT the crushing feeling.  Side effects - I was terrified of the possible weight gain but was told that was a very low percentage of people.  I had some blurry vision but that cleared up.  Oh, when I first started I was very tired. I guess it's an indication of how pleased I am with it that I will pay $140/mo for it.  Let me know if your insurange will cover it.  Mine won't because I don't have any of the 3 conditions it's FDA - diabetic neuropathy, postherpetic neuropathy, or adult partial onset seizures.  I am now taking 100mg twice a day.  Hope it helps you.  Let me know how it goes for you.

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