Funny Stories and things to make Us laugh

[Shazinoz]

OK I will start and I appologise if this offends ANYONE but I thought it was hilarous and TRUE  

WORDS WOMEN USE

FINE   This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need  to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those  arguments.    

FIVE MINUTES  This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going  to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.    

NOTHING   This means "something," and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe  the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually  signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with "Fine"    

GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows!)  This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end  with the word "Fine"    

GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows)  This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care" You will get a "Raised  Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in  about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.    

LOUD SIGH   This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men.  A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time  standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"    

SOFT SIGH  Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your  best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.    

THAT'S OKAY   This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay"  means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done.  "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow."    

GO AHEAD.   At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.    

PLEASE DO   This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with  whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance  with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay"    

THANKS   A woman is thanking you. Do not ! faint. Just say you're welcome.    

THANKS A LOT    This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really  ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed  by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell  you "Nothing"    

[rhea]

That was great Shaz!  I really enjoyed it LoL.  I've printed it out to show my mom for another laugh ha ha ha!

rhea

[SL99]

LoL - they certainly brought a smile!  

This isn't exactly funny, but thought it might bring a smile to a few people's faces all the same. Enjoy  

http://ecardview.hallmark.com/hmk/Website/greeting.jsp?id=EG3109-743764-01393062

Love......Jo
xx

[SL99]

Dessert Personality Test

No cheating. Pick your dessert, then look to see.

If you were buying a dessert and you had your choice of the following which would you choose?

Angel food
Brownies
Lemon Meringue
Vanilla with Choc. Icing
Strawberry Short Cake
Chocolate on Chocolate
Ice Cream
Carrot Cake

OK - Now that you've made your choice, this is what research says about You!

NO....you can't change your mind once you scroll down! So think carefully, what your choice will be!!!

Angel food ... Sweet, loving, cuddly. You love all warm fuzzy items. A little nutty. Sometimes you need an ice cream cone at the end of the  day.

Brownies... You are adventurous, love new ideas, are a champion of underdogs and a slayer of dragons. When tempers flare up, you whip out your saber.

Lemon Meringue... Smooth, sexy, & articulate with your hands, you are an excellent after-dinner speaker and a good teacher. But don't try to walk and chew gum at the same time.

Vanilla with Choc Icing... Fun-loving, sassy, humorous. Everyone enjoys being around you, but you are a practical joker. Others should be cautious in shaking hands, however, you are a friend for life.

Strawberry Short Cake... Romantic, warm, loving. You care about other people and can be counted on in a pinch. You tend to melt.

Chocolate on Chocolate ... Sexy, always ready to give and receive, Very energetic, and really likes to get into life. The opposite sex is always attracted to you.

Ice Cream... You like sports, whether baseball, football, basketball, or soccer. If you could, you would like to participate, but enjoy watching sports. You don't like to give up the remote control.

Carrot Cake... You are a very fun loving person, who likes to Laugh You are  fun to be with. People like to hang out with you. You are a very warm hearted  person.

I had always assumed that I was just a fruit cake - but turns out I'm a carrot cake!  

[Shazinoz]

I am Lemon Meringue  ,

I too what have said Fruit Cake or something "crumbly"  

[SL99]

Van Gogh's Relatives

After much research it was discovered that Van Gogh had many relatives. Here are a few:

His dizzy aunt: Verti Gogh
His prune eating brother: Gotta Gogh
His constipated uncle: Can't Gogh
His brother that worked in a convenient store: Stop N Gogh
His Yugoslavian grandpa: U. Gogh
His brother that liked to bleach his clothes: Hue Gogh
His cousin from Illinois: Chica Gogh
His uncle who was a magician: Wherediddy Gogh
His Mexican cousin: Amee Gogh
His Mexican cousin's American half-brother: Grin Gogh
His ballroom dancing aunt: Tang Gogh
His sister that liked disco: Go Gogh
His stagecoach driving nephew: Wellsfar Gogh
His  bird loving uncle: Flamin Gogh
His nephew that is a psychoanalyst: E. Gogh
His fruit loving cousin: Man Gogh
His aunt that taught positive thinking: Wayda Gogh
His extremely bouncy nephew: Poe Gogh
His niece that drives the country in a van: Winnie Bay Gogh

[Shazinoz]

I found this very Funny and added 1 or 2 I thought of maybe you can add some too...

SUGGESTED GAMES FOR HOSPITAL WAITING ROOMS    

Surgery: Operation, Life

Oncology or Patient Relations: Sorry

Neurology: Concentration, Boggle

Mental Health: Crazy Eights, Solitaire, Outburst, Marbles, Malarky

Gastroenterology:  Gastroenterology: Chutes and Ladders, Go Fish, Poker, Dungeons and
Dragons, Lincoln Logs

Administration: Trivial Pursuit, Monopoly

Eating Disorders Clinic: Hungry Hungry Hippos

Finance: Trouble, Monopoly

Diabetes Center:   Candyland

Plastic Surgery:  Mr. Potato Head

Payroll: Payday

Rehab or PT: Twister

Parkinson's Center: Jenga

Travel Clinic: Ants in the Pants

Infectious Disease: Cooties, Risk

Geriatric Medicine: Bingo, Memory

Gene Therapy Clinic: Barrel of Monkeys

Urology: Upwards

Cardiology: Hearts

Orthopedics: Pinball, Operation, Risk, Backgammon

Cafeteria: Mousetrap

Podiatrics:   Tic Tac Toe

Optometrist/ Opthamologist: Squint

[tazmanian_devil]

Shaz, thanks that was so funny. How about in the Orthopedic surgery waiting room they have Who Wants to be a Millionaire? Guess, and Kerplunk. Those needing anesthesia can play Survivor. Later in your hospital room when you are confined to your bed you can play Life, and Trivial Pursuit (to get better). When you need to go to the bathroom you can play solitaire. Lastly at physical therapy you get to play Simon Says whether you want to or not. Theresa

[wriggley]

my ribs heart from laughing at that

wriggley

[SL99]

Lol - loved those Shaz!!   Thought you might like these  

PARENTS' DICTIONARY...
or What words REALLY mean...

DUMBWAITER: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.

FULL NAME: What you call your child when you're upset with him.

HERESAY: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

INDEPENDENT: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

OW: The first word spoken by children with older siblings.

PUDDLE: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing clean socks and dry shoes into it.

SHOW OFF: A child who is more talented than yours.

STERILIZE: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it, and to your last baby's pacifier by wiping it off and blowing on it.

TOP BUNK: Where you should never put a child wearing superman jammies.

VERBAL: Able to whine in words.

WHODUNIT: None of the kids that live in your house.

[Vicky]

Hi all

Have a look at this web link if you have got sound it is really good, and hey it take your mind off the pain for a least a few minutes

http://www.urban75.com/Mag/bubble.html

Have fun

Vicky