I don't like to complain, and I try not to complain.....but moments like these, you need more than just Minties!!
It's looking like another awesome, sleepless night, as my "Travelling Knee" (my personal nickname for the situation) has decided to go slip sliding away (thanks Paul Simon for such a brilliant song btw!)
As I said at the start, I don't like to complain......honestly I don't!!! There are days though when I feel that's all I am doing......little wonder my man picks on my sometimes in an attempt to lighten my mood.
Having been diagnosed with PFA in my Right knee, with mistracking and having lost a decent percentage of my actual patella, it seems like I've been spinning in a whirlwind.
Being able to work is no longer an option.....which was fun for the first week or two.....after nearly 2 years of inactivity I'm honestly over it! I've decided I'm not designed to be a lady of leisure.
I live in a house where I have to climb steps just to get inside our living area.....most days I prefer to use our front steps...there's only 14 at the front door compared to 19 at the back door. Each time I successfully combat this challenge (up or down) I do a little Rocky salute...you know what I mean.....standing tall, arms spread heavenwards with a cheeky grin on my face. But there are days where the laundry won't be done, as that requires trips up and down either set of steps..and really, we have enough clothes to allow me to slacken off for at least a week before we start hitting danger zones.
There are days where I can stand up for more than 10 minutes without discomfort, then there are days where I can't even get comfortable enough to put my pants on! Those are the days I think back to a friend my brother had whilst growing up.....Tripod.....who lost both his legs in a farming accident when he was 19. The things Tripod went on to achieve...without complaint.
Well shoot...I am woman hear me roar....MEOW!!! If he could overcome something so life changing....what on earth am I really b@*#hing about??? There are people who are a lot worse off than myself, with more life threatening, or life altering situations to deal with.
Seriously Cari, get over yourself!!!
Ok, pep talk over and done with....now if only my Travelling Knee would stop having Stop Work Meetings!!
I made a list up which is on the bedroom door of everything I look forward to, things to celebrate now and my family saying (admittedly regarding our work ethic..but hey..if it works!!)
On that list, I'll include in part now for you, are :
Teaching my granddaughter how to make chocolate crackles (added benefit of sugar rush prior to mummy and daddy picking her up)
Excuse to sit down and spend time cuddling my baby Godson and nephews without guilt
Ballroom dancing lessons with my brother in law when I'm recovered
Being able to drive our car again (without insurance company frowning on such activity)
Returning to work and taking on a Leadership role within the Team
Visiting my family interstate without pain, legless buddies (crutches or walking stick)
Teaching my granddaughter to jump in puddles to make a BIG SPLASH!!
Dancing again for my own fitness
Get Up, Dress Up, Show Up & Shut Up
NO MORE PAINKILLERS!!!
Before I survived my first reconstruction I was unable to walk from one end of the house to the other without slipping or falling on the floor. This led me to request when we buy/build our own house that we have rebound flooring as they do in aerobic class rooms. I was relying on legless buddies all the time, unable to do anything except be bedbound and relying on opiate painkillers to get through the day.
Originally we were informed the success rate for the type of reconstruction I was facing was only 75%......in my opinion I had nothing to lose except the pain killers, legless buddies and be able to move without too much issue.
I had nearly 4 years without too much to distract me, but the past 18 months has been difficult. My man, as ever patient as he is, sometimes says that it didn't work, and why can't I be normal with normal knees.
I need to remind him on these occassions that IT HAS BEEN SUCCESSFUL....and normal is severely over-rated. It is so easy for me to reassure my loved ones......I just sometimes fail to reassure myself.
I'm a wuss....I believe I'm allergic to pain....and the thought of what I'm about to undergo after my Lateral Release surgery in a few weeks is terrifying.
All I can do is focus on doing all that I can now, and I am.....and be thankful that my support network, my loved ones and close friends is so plentiful.
Oh, time to watch Black Caviar race at Royal Ascot......till next time....c'mon Aussie